reesehaynes
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Hi, so I wrote a paragraph on a practice question, and I was hoping you could critique me on it so that I can improve in the future. Any help or notes would be appreciated thanks! -also is “one” a collective pronoun?

HOW DOES PRIESTLY PRESENT SELFISHNESS IN AN INSPECTOR CALLS?

Priestly presents selfishness through inspector Goole’s selflessness , the inspector is used as a cipher by priestly to promote his socialist ideology, “we are all members of one body” , here priestly begins directing his monologue at the audience rather than just the Birlings, so the use of direct address attempts to teach the audience about responsibility and the selflessness that comes with that. Furthermore, the collective pronouns “we” and “one” shows everyone as a community of people and not just individuals, furthering the idea of collective responsibility.


(So I’m not convinced that “one” is a collective pronoun, to improve I could write, “ the collective pronoun ‘we’ used to refer to a singular ‘one’ shows everyone as a community of people and not just individuals, furthering the idea of collective responsibility.”)


— also I didn’t know which forum to post in, I apologise.
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..M..
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(Original post by reesehaynes)
Hi, so I wrote a paragraph on a practice question, and I was hoping you could critique me on it so that I can improve in the future. Any help or notes would be appreciated thanks! -also is “one” a collective pronoun?

HOW DOES PRIESTLY PRESENT SELFISHNESS IN AN INSPECTOR CALLS?

Priestly presents selfishness through inspector Goole’s selflessness , the inspector is used as a cipher by priestly to promote his socialist ideology, “we are all members of one body” , here priestly begins directing his monologue at the audience rather than just the Birlings, so the use of direct address attempts to teach the audience about responsibility and the selflessness that comes with that. Furthermore, the collective pronouns “we” and “one” shows everyone as a community of people and not just individuals, furthering the idea of collective responsibility.


(So I’m not convinced that “one” is a collective pronoun, to improve I could write, “ the collective pronoun ‘we’ used to refer to a singular ‘one’ shows everyone as a community of people and not just individuals, furthering the idea of collective responsibility.”)


— also I didn’t know which forum to post in, I apologise.
I think this is a very good paragraph, I can’t think of much I would alter! One thing I was thinking is that the first sentence is quite long and maybe it would be clearer if you to split it into two. And also to make the whole paragraph longer (though I don’t know if you had more to write and this was just a section!). Because of uncertainty around wether ‘one’ is a collective pronoun; I think it would be best to reword the sentence as you suggested yourself at the end. I also think this paragraph has a good opportunity to add in context, perhaps to do with how it’s written in 1945 but set in 1912, highlighting the issues of the past so that they’re not repeated again; (linking to the foreshadowing early on where Mr Birling calls the Titanic ‘unsinkable’, showing that his capitalist, selfish views etc are very dangerous and shouldnt be repeated, as 1945 readers/modern readers know the tragic fate of the Titanic!)
Last edited by ..M..; 6 days ago
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reesehaynes
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(Original post by ..M..)
I think this is a very good paragraph, I can’t think of much I would alter! One thing I was thinking is that the first sentence is quite long and maybe it would be clearer if you to split it into two. And also to make the whole paragraph longer (though I don’t know if you had more to write and this was just a section!). Because of uncertainty around wether ‘one’ is a collective pronoun; I think it would be best to reword the sentence as you suggested yourself at the end. I also think this paragraph has a good opportunity to add in context, perhaps to do with how it’s written in 1945 but set in 1912, highlighting the issues of the past so that they’re not repeated again; (linking to the foreshadowing early on where Mr Birling calls the Titanic ‘unsinkable’, showing that his capitalist, selfish views etc are very dangerous and shouldnt be repeated, as 1945 readers/modern readers know the tragic fate of the Titanic!)
Thank you for your help! I wasn’t expecting many replies. (:
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