Why do men act distant and emotionally unavailable

My partner seems so distant and never initiates ANYTHING. But once I start convos, cuddles, intimacy he seems fine. He’s a good father to our daughter too. Am I missing something??

Nothing else that I am concerned about. But this bugs me sooo much. We have had conversations about this but nothing seems to change

Playing hard to get

Original post by Jonathanツ

Playing hard to get

We have been together for 7/8 years. He was fine at the start until 3 of so years ago. Why would he play hard to get this far in?

Reply 3

Jonathanãƒ„

Original post by Anonymous

We have been together for 7/8 years. He was fine at the start until 3 of so years ago. Why would he play hard to get this far in?

It's that kind of bad-boy attitude that he likely thinks is sexy

Maby it is something else, I'm not sure

Reply 4

username5508856

Maybe try asking him rather than random people on a student-focused forum?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Uni_Student321

Maybe try asking him rather than random people on a student-focused forum?

I have, he completely denies it. He says I am pushing him away by constantly repeating these allegations

Reply 6

username5508856

Original post by Anonymous

I have, he completely denies it. He says I am pushing him away by constantly repeating these allegations

You don't appear to be actually listening to him. If he feels you are pushing him away, you are clearly doing something he doesn't like. You shouldn't just repeat these "allegations" to him.

Reply 7

Kovalensky

Some people are just not emotionally open.

Reply 8

NonIndigenous

When did he start being like this?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Uni_Student321

You don't appear to be actually listening to him. If he feels you are pushing him away, you are clearly doing something he doesn't like. You shouldn't just repeat these "allegations" to him.

The problem is, he doesn’t give me a reason so I get frustrated. Lately I’ve just stopped asking all together because I feel like I’m the only one making an effort. He shows passive aggression at times so I feel like I can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to. But I don’t want it to end.. so I’m just trying to get different perspectives

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kovalensky

Some people are just not emotionally open.

He was at for the 4 or so years and then became closed for the last three years

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by NonIndigenous

When did he start being like this?

Roughly 3 years ago, but I kept on being normal thinking it could be work related. But for the last 6 months I feel exhausted doing everything emotionally. He’s a great father and does chores around the house (we both work full time) I just don’t feel like a priority anymore

Reply 12

NonIndigenous

Original post by Anonymous

Did anything specific happen then? Something family-related?

How old are your kids?

How does he respond to you spending your time with the kids, or away from him, or otherwise? How much time does he spend with them? How much time do you spend with them?

(P.S. I don't think he's playing "hard to get". People on this sight will typically give you the perspective of someone who is during early dating/relationship phases... where this "hard to get" bs happens often)

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by NonIndigenous

We have just the one (8)

We both spend a lot of time with our daughter, he doesn’t more activities with her than me, including school runs and after school clubs. He doesn’t mind when I take her out or he does. Once we had an argument and he said to our daughter I was being an idiot whilst I wasn’t there. My daughter told me as we don’t keep any secrets from each other. When I confronted him, he apologised but he did it again a few days ago. I’m just tired of confronting him as it leads to no where.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by NonIndigenous

Nothing in particular happened.. just a gradual thing (from I recall) we live away from family so nothing has happened with any relatives

Reply 15

NonIndigenous

Original post by Anonymous

Hard to tell what his problem is. Maybe it's some midlife crisis type of thing, where he feels generally deflated and frustrated with things, and happens to take it out on you this way because you live together.

Feelings can fade in relationships. It takes effort to maintain them. It does not just happen by itself.

People who develop feelings that are 'too strong' too soon, for example, tend to fade faster as well. Like getting obsessed with someone. They can chase you to the world's end provided you're not in a relationship. But once you're in one, they get bored. People who develop more healthy attachments, tend to last longer in relationships.

But you had already been together at least 5 years before things started deteriorating... so I don't think that applies.

It's really difficult to tell. I don't want to arouse unfounded suspicions in you of him, but it could also be that he is starting to look elsewhere. But do not accuse him of this unless you have good reasons. Not just because I said it is "possible". Maybe he needs to fix his work/life balance. Maybe you need to try doing new things together, new experiences, new memories. That sort of stuff. Monotony of daily repetitive life can feel hypnotic and boring to anyone.

Reply 16

Redfrost

Original post by Jonathanツ

It's that kind of bad-boy attitude that he likely thinks is sexy

Maby it is something else, I'm not sure

Ive never seen the word maybe spelt like that before but I think it should be!

Reply 17

Jonathanãƒ„

Original post by Redfrost

Ive never seen the word maybe spelt like that before but I think it should be!

Maybe is just one of those words I have always spelt wrong throughout my life and although I'm only 17, I don't think ill change :P

I actually spent like 5 minutes writing that because I was trying to remember how to spell it correctly. I really need to get checked for autism or something.