racial preferences in dating

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Anonymous #1
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So basically, my gf has dated a lot of black guys before and I'm not. I'm not her typical physical 'type' but she's in love w me. However, she still follows accounts like 'blackmenarebest' etc. But she also said that she likes black guys but always thought shed marry a white guy (red flag)
So i was just wondering, is racial preference significant in a relationship for you guys and girls once you fall in love or will you always go back to your preferences?
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Anonymous #2
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An exception to "once you go black,you never go back"
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
An exception to "once you go black,you never go back"
we dont know that yet lol, she could leave me for a black dude with an equally good personality etc
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DiamondDia
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Sounds like fetishisation if you ask me. And by physical type do you mean the stereotypical macho masculine Black man? Is she dating you just because you’re Black? Ask her what she likes about you? What are her intentions, if she mentions anything about babies or mixed kids, RUN.
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DiamondDia
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(Original post by DiamondDia)
Sounds like fetishisation if you ask me. And by physical type do you mean the stereotypical macho masculine Black man? Is she dating you just because you’re Black? Ask her what she likes about you? What are her intentions, if she mentions anything about babies or mixed kids, RUN.
Hold on I just realised you’re not Black. Lmao I take back everything.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically, my gf has dated a lot of black guys before and I'm not. I'm not her typical physical 'type' but she's in love w me. However, she still follows accounts like 'blackmenarebest' etc. But she also said that she likes black guys but always thought shed marry a white guy (red flag)
So i was just wondering, is racial preference significant in a relationship for you guys and girls once you fall in love or will you always go back to your preferences?

to be honest. speaking as a black guy, i don't think i'd be too happy dating a black girl with a preference for white men following accounts such as "whitemenarebest" either ..lol
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DiamondDia
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But from what you’re saying, it’s giving me the vibes she only likes to “try” Black guys as an accessory and doesn’t have any intention of marrying them as if they’re not “marriage material”, as a Black girl I get “I’ve never been with a Black girl before” tons of times, lots of people always treat me as an experiment and I find that totally dehumanising. It sounds like she has a racial FETISH rather than a “racial preference”. I personally don’t believe in racial preferences.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by ANM775)
to be honest. speaking as a black guy, i don't think i'd be too happy dating a black girl with a preference for white men following accounts such as "whitemenarebest" either ..lol
What if she looked like this?Attachment 1023469
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What if she looked like this?Attachment 1023469

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiamondDia)
Sounds like fetishisation if you ask me. And by physical type do you mean the stereotypical macho masculine Black man? Is she dating you just because you’re Black? Ask her what she likes about you? What are her intentions, if she mentions anything about babies or mixed kids, RUN.
I said its fetishisation. I'm not black but most of her ex's have been black and when I talked about kids she said she wants one of our own and wants to adopt a black baby too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiamondDia)
But from what you’re saying, it’s giving me the vibes she only likes to “try” Black guys as an accessory and doesn’t have any intention of marrying them as if they’re not “marriage material”, as a Black girl I get “I’ve never been with a Black girl before” tons of times, lots of people always treat me as an experiment and I find that totally dehumanising. It sounds like she has a racial FETISH rather than a “racial preference”. I personally don’t believe in racial preferences.
Yeah I confronted her about it but she goes with the excuse that because she's curvy its just that black guys like her more, but she still following insta accounts like 'blackmenarebest', 'melaninboys' etc. Not saying its not ok to follow those, but it's just worrying in a relationship when someone clearly has a physical preference in the past thats not me.

Do you guys think, that physical preferences matter in a relationship, or would the ideal person have to be both your type and your vibes peronsality wise?
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DiamondDia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I said its fetishisation. I'm not black but most of her ex's have been black and when I talked about kids she said she wants one of our own and wants to adopt a black baby too.
Oof, sounds very much like fetishisation and tokenism to me.
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DiamondDia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I confronted her about it but she goes with the excuse that because she's curvy its just that black guys like her more, but she still following insta accounts like 'blackmenarebest', 'melaninboys' etc. Not saying its not ok to follow those, but it's just worrying in a relationship when someone clearly has a physical preference in the past thats not me.

Do you guys think, that physical preferences matter in a relationship, or would the ideal person have to be both your type and your vibes peronsality wise?
If someone had a racial preference, to me that’s a red flag in and of itself, I wouldn’t like to be fetishised and wouldn’t wanna be with someone who fetishes other people. I don’t think physical preferences matter, I would go for someone for their personality rather than their race or appearance. Racial preferences are really weird. She acts as if Black guys are a monolith, not all Black guys like “curves”.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiamondDia)
If someone had a racial preference, to me that’s a red flag in and of itself, I wouldn’t like to be fetishised and wouldn’t wanna be with someone who fetishes other people. I don’t think physical preferences matter, I would go for someone for their personality rather than their race or appearance. Racial preferences are really weird. She acts as if Black guys are a monolith, not all Black guys like “curves”.
Side note do you reckon I should ask her to stop following those instagram accounts or is that weird of me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ANM775)
to be honest. speaking as a black guy, i don't think i'd be too happy dating a black girl with a preference for white men following accounts such as "whitemenarebest" either ..lol
Do you reckon I should confront her about it, but like what do I say as to why i was looking at her followings haha
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you reckon I should confront her about it, but like what do I say as to why i was looking at her followings haha
to be honest, it's a difficult situation. she's not "technically" done anything wrong by following these groups ...but at the same time her doing so is justifiably making you uneasy.

This thing with black guys seems to be on your mind a lot, so it might be best for you to just talk to her ....but at the same time just be aware, that technically she hasn't done anything "wrong"
Last edited by ANM775; 1 month ago
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Ram Ranch
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(Original post by ANM775)
to be honest. speaking as a black guy, i don't think i'd be too happy dating a black girl with a preference for white men following accounts such as "whitemenarebest" either ..lol
Perfectly reasonable.

It's creepy how you get some White girls who just like Black men, as if all Black men are the same and are just fulfilling the role of being Black rather than being an individual who happens to be Black.

The closest thing I see from a White man perspective is you get some Indian women who do a similar thing
"ZOMG White men in suits"
"White men with beards and flannel shirts #dying"
"At the BBQ with some White boys #spitroast"
"Watching the rugby wanting them to run a scrum on me"

It is weird and creepy to basically be a penis attached to a story of someone else's creation
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_gcx
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Yes, she is creepily obsessed with race. If someone dated me purely because they wanted to date a white guy I would prefer them to keep it to themselves.
(Original post by Anonymous)
I said its fetishisation. I'm not black but most of her ex's have been black and when I talked about kids she said she wants one of our own and wants to adopt a black baby too.
i'd probably just dip at this point personally
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Ram Ranch
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I said its fetishisation. I'm not black but most of her ex's have been black and when I talked about kids she said she wants one of our own and wants to adopt a black baby too.
She sounds deranged.

I think the way forwards is to just say you are very different people and find someone less insane.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ram Ranch)
She sounds deranged.

I think the way forwards is to just say you are very different people and find someone less insane.
The things is, aside from her having dated lots of black guys before and wanting to adopt a black baby, she's amazing. Never felt this way about anyone, and her reasoning for wanting multiple races in the family is because she wants like an international family with lots of cultures. She's like a linguist so she knows many languages. But still, things like following those accounts, and her even saying that physically speaking black guys have been her preference but she says that women want more than just physical.

It's hard to move on because i've already fallen for her but what should i say when i break up? I'm insecure about your black fetish? haha isn't that weird of me
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