Should I tell him I’m thinking twice

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Jesswhats
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My boyfriend has a child with a woman Ofc and I’m starting to think twice about being with him as I don’t think I want a man who other women in his life snd other commitments to them. I’ve always said I don’t want someone with children but when I got with him I didn’t care. Everything has been fine the last 2 months with us. Nothing has happened.

Should I tell him this? I’m thinking twice about it and thinking more of right now Feelings and future I feel like it will upset him and argument might happen.

I don’t want to tell him this and he ends up withdrawing from me
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Jesswhats)
I don’t want to tell him this and he ends up withdrawing from me

So what do you want to happen? He stops supporting a child that he had for the pleasure of your wishes?


It’s obviously going to upset him because you were okay with it at the start and now you’re reconsidering it. The best thing to do in situations like these would be to raise your concerns with him as soon as possible.

This seems like a barrier that you need to overcome - the way he reacts is your determiner on whether or not that barrier will be crossed. If he chooses to not
pick you over his child, I think it’s best you move on. Either that or deal with it.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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jenerous
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(Original post by Jesswhats)
I don’t want to tell him this and he ends up withdrawing from me
Isn't that what you want though? If he has children, he will undoubtedly have additional commitments, and if you aren't okay with that, there's no other option but to tell him.
Don't mess with the guy.
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PrettymuchGod
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Already said but yea, tell him asap, don't waste his time.
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Mr T 999
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Just end the relationship it clearly doesn't meet your requirements in a partner. He has kids and of course he would have contact with baby mama to raise the kid. So it's either you accept it that will be part of your life or end it and move on.
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MysticalCreature
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You should definitely talk to him ASAP about the concerns you have. You have to keep in mind that he is a father, and he cannot abandoned his child for another woman. If he did, it will damage the child in the long run mentally. My dad was the one who raised me until i was 11, when he stopped trying to have a decent relationship with me. The reason why was because his girlfriend didn't like that I was his first priority. Ever since I've struggled to form long lasting relationships, and friendships with people in fear I'll end up abandoned. I have no doubts that your boyfriend's child will feel the same if it was to happen to them. So for the child's sake, please remember that. Now I'm not sure why you don't want a man with kids, but I'm sure you have your reasons, so I think You should most definitely have a calm conversation with him about it and just tell him how you feel. I thought giving you what the child's perspective might be would give you some food for thought.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by MysticalCreature)
You should definitely talk to him ASAP about the concerns you have. You have to keep in mind that he is a father, and he cannot abandoned his child for another woman. If he did, it will damage the child in the long run mentally. My dad was the one who raised me until i was 11, when he stopped trying to have a decent relationship with me. The reason why was because his girlfriend didn't like that I was his first priority. Ever since I've struggled to form long lasting relationships, and friendships with people in fear I'll end up abandoned. I have no doubts that your boyfriend's child will feel the same if it was to happen to them. So for the child's sake, please remember that. Now I'm not sure why you don't want a man with kids, but I'm sure you have your reasons, so I think You should most definitely have a calm conversation with him about it and just tell him how you feel. I thought giving you what the child's perspective might be would give you some food for thought.

Good way of putting it. :yy:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
So what do you want to happen? He stops supporting a child that he had for the pleasure of your wishes?


It’s obviously going to upset him because you were okay with it at the start and now you’re reconsidering it. The best thing to do in situations like these would be to raise your concerns with him as soon as possible.

This seems like a barrier that you need to overcome - the way he reacts is your determiner on whether or not that barrier will be crossed. If he chooses to not
pick you over his child, I think it’s best you move on. Either that or deal with it.
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal?
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal?


As long as there is no sexual/ physical attraction between them both still, it’s pretty normal. If you trust him, you would know that he’s not cheating on you. It is her kid too, at the end of the day.


That’s what a relationship is about.
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Final Fantasy
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You're talking nonsense. You don't wanna be with him but you don't want him to leave you if you tell him so? Wtf... stop with the mixed signals and just leave if you're not fully committed.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal?
(Original post by MysticalCreature)
You should definitely talk to him ASAP about the concerns you have. You have to keep in mind that he is a father, and he cannot abandoned his child for another woman. If he did, it will damage the child in the long run mentally. My dad was the one who raised me until i was 11, when he stopped trying to have a decent relationship with me. The reason why was because his girlfriend didn't like that I was his first priority. Ever since I've struggled to form long lasting relationships, and friendships with people in fear I'll end up abandoned. I have no doubts that your boyfriend's child will feel the same if it was to happen to them. So for the child's sake, please remember that. Now I'm not sure why you don't want a man with kids, but I'm sure you have your reasons, so I think You should most definitely have a calm conversation with him about it and just tell him how you feel. I thought giving you what the child's perspective might be would give you some food for thought.
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal? It would even put me off if he chose me over his child but yeah like I said^.

Like I just want someone who doesn’t have so much like extra things going on especially with another woman. He’s very flexiable and sees me a lot and sees the child every 10 days for the weekend.
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idonthavealife05
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal? It would even put me off if he chose me over his child but yeah like I said^.

Like I just want someone who doesn’t have so much like extra things going on especially with another woman. He’s very flexiable and sees me a lot and sees the child every 10 days for the weekend.
wtf? That’s HIS child you monster! Of course he’ll put his own blood and flesh over a jealous, selfish woman like you! Leave him alone for gods sake and don’t ever date someone else until you think very well and fix your attitude.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by MysticalCreature)
You should definitely talk to him ASAP about the concerns you have. You have to keep in mind that he is a father, and he cannot abandoned his child for another woman. If he did, it will damage the child in the long run mentally. My dad was the one who raised me until i was 11, when he stopped trying to have a decent relationship with me. The reason why was because his girlfriend didn't like that I was his first priority. Ever since I've struggled to form long lasting relationships, and friendships with people in fear I'll end up abandoned. I have no doubts that your boyfriend's child will feel the same if it was to happen to them. So for the child's sake, please remember that. Now I'm not sure why you don't want a man with kids, but I'm sure you have your reasons, so I think You should most definitely have a calm conversation with him about it and just tell him how you feel. I thought giving you what the child's perspective might be would give you some food for thought.
Well she did say the reason was she doesn't want a man with commitments to other women lol.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by idonthavealife05)
xxx
(Original post by Jesswhats)
xxx


Alright, alright, calm down lads...
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Jesswhats)
xxx
No need to be rude or personally attack other users on here. Calm down.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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MysticalCreature
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal? It would even put me off if he chose me over his child but yeah like I said^.

Like I just want someone who doesn’t have so much like extra things going on especially with another woman. He’s very flexiable and sees me a lot and sees the child every 10 days for the weekend.
His child must come first… he is a father who sounds like he’s doing a great job. He had that child with the child’s mother so therefore it is also necessary for them to have some form of communication for the child especially if they are very young. You should probably discuss your concerns with him but keeping all of what I said above in mind
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal?
So you're asking a question not based on fact. However, if they did all go out for a meal together, of course It's normal, or as normal as he and the mother want it to be. What did you expect, that he'd only ever spend time alone with his child? Why shouldn't the child have fun with both parents?

You've got doubts about the relationship, but then say about him maybe breaking up with you. Aren't you thinking of breaking up with him? Talk to him; there's got to be communication and trust in a relationship, but sounds like you are lacking in a bit of both. If you don't stay together, that's better than being a couple where one is unhappy and suffers in silence; you'll just get more resentful.
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thing is I don’t want him to put his child over me at all that is selfish. I just feel like the relationship with the mother is very close still. I’m not sure but I think he took her out for a meal with the child. I have no children so I’m not sure if this is normal? It would even put me off if he chose me over his child but yeah like I said^.

Like I just want someone who doesn’t have so much like extra things going on especially with another woman. He’s very flexiable and sees me a lot and sees the child every 10 days for the weekend.
I can't believe that you seriously want him to choose you over his child??? Clearly you aren't looking for anything long-term, leave the poor man alone.
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