Is it possible to get into a relationship without flirting or dating?

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Anonymous #1
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And instead just making friends and naturally seeing where things go? Or does that man have to make it clear he wants a date from the start abs then flirt and escalate?
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anosmianAcrimony
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Yeah, it's possible to get into a relationship that way, by having a good friend and then gradually realising you like each other as more than that. Don't try to force that, though; and it's generally not a good idea to start a friendship with the intention of doing that.
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Chicken.M.
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Yeah thats my preferred way of initiating relationships because I don't like tinder or american style dating. I like to get to know people as friends for a long time first. But usually some flirting happens when it's clear we both really like each other. Or conversations come up about the relationship etc.

But yeah, you can't know if you like someone before getting to know them as a friend first. That's why people who jump into relationships / dates straight away break up after a few months/year. They literally start relationships with complete strangers.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Yeah thats my preferred way of initiating relationships because I don't like tinder or american style dating. I like to get to know people as friends for a long time first. But usually some flirting happens when it's clear we both really like each other. Or conversations come up about the relationship etc.

But yeah, you can't know if you like someone before getting to know them as a friend first. That's why people who jump into relationships / dates straight away break up after a few months/year. They literally start relationships with complete strangers.
Yeah I agree. I don't think there's anything wrong with dating and trying to be romantic in some sense right away - as long as dating is conceptualised as a means of getting to know someone better, and isn't synonymous with being in a relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Yeah thats my preferred way of initiating relationships because I don't like tinder or american style dating. I like to get to know people as friends for a long time first. But usually some flirting happens when it's clear we both really like each other. Or conversations come up about the relationship etc.

But yeah, you can't know if you like someone before getting to know them as a friend first. That's why people who jump into relationships / dates straight away break up after a few months/year. They literally start relationships with complete strangers.
Interesting. So do you think “friend zone” is a false concept?
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Anonymous #2
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My first gf there was no flirting or dating but it took 2 years of friendship before we had feelings. My second gf there was flirting and it only took a couple weeks before there was interest. I wouldn't say it's impossible but there is a very clear difference here. I wouldn't count on acting like a friend and expecting more than that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My first gf there was no flirting or dating but it took 2 years of friendship before we had feelings. My second gf there was flirting and it only took a couple weeks before there was interest. I wouldn't say it's impossible but there is a very clear difference here. I wouldn't count on acting like a friend and expecting more than that.
So the problem is that I can’t really like someone unless I get to know them as friends first. And also I find it hard flirting with women. It’s just unnatural to me.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So the problem is that I can’t really like someone unless I get to know them as friends first. And also I find it hard flirting with women. It’s just unnatural to me.
I used to think flirting was hard but honestly it's pretty natural when you have 2 people that are single and looking. You just say stuff and she'll probably say stuff back, if she doesn't shes not interested. If you need to get to know them a bit first you can just get in a talking stage and wait a little bit before beginning dating.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Interesting. So do you think “friend zone” is a false concept?
Yeah, the whole friendzone concept is childish.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So the problem is that I can’t really like someone unless I get to know them as friends first. And also I find it hard flirting with women. It’s just unnatural to me.
Just be blunt and honest. I don't "flirt" either. I literally tell the other person "I like you." / "I have a crush on you." / "you put me in a really good mood, I look forward to seeing you." Etc. Literally I just say exactly how I feel about them lol. People always respond well to sincere compliments like that. They're different to pick up lines which is fake BS. No one likes fake bs.

And if it's someone you're already friends with and have back and forth banter, just start talking about sex related stuff lol.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Interesting. So do you think “friend zone” is a false concept?
Yeah, the friendzone is just a cope for boys and some men even, tragically, who can't admit they have just been rejected.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Just be blunt and honest. I don't "flirt" either. I literally tell the other person "I like you." / "I have a crush on you." / "you put me in a really good mood, I look forward to seeing you." Etc. Literally I just say exactly how I feel about them lol. People always respond well to sincere compliments like that. They're different to pick up lines which is fake BS. No one likes fake bs.

And if it's someone you're already friends with and have back and forth banter, just start talking about sex related stuff lol.
Talking about sex related stuff doesn’t always work.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
Yeah, the friendzone is just a cope for boys and some men even, tragically, who can't admit they have just been rejected.
some guys get nothing but rejection.
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becausethenight
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(Original post by Anonymous)
And instead just making friends and naturally seeing where things go? Or does that man have to make it clear he wants a date from the start abs then flirt and escalate?
Both work - sometimes people will be friends for years before deciding to date.
The point is that at some point - after years, days, minutes, whatever - you have to have some kind of conversation where you agree that you're in a relationship and what the terms fo that are.

I'd disagree that it's not a 'real relationship' if you haven't known someone for years previously - however well you know or don't know someone, dating and being romantic is a new thing to explore and even if you've known someone for ages you may only realise a relationship won't work when you try one!
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Talking about sex related stuff doesn’t always work.
Yeah cus it depends on the girl and what your friendship is like. Also your own personality.

Like for me, it works on the vast majority of my female friends because I tend to mainly make friends with girls that have a complimentary personality to me and that kind of banter / subject matter would be normal. And my personality is very blunt and honest, so it's not surprise to them when I talk about that stuff. Also I'm really picky about my friends as well, because I can't be bothered talking to people I don't like that much. Those girls where it doesn't work, most of the time I wouldn't even be their friend in the first place because I'd most likely find them boring to talk to.

You just need to talk to women (and people in general) more often and get comfortable being yourself. Like being able to say whatever you want without feeling any anxiety or embarassment.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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