Thought on boyfriend watching porn?

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Anonymous #1
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Hi!! So I wondered how other people thought about their significant other watching porn. It makes me uncomfortable, and he is aware of that. I know that it is his own thing that he does on his own time, but I feel like it is somewhat disrespectful. In a way I understand for sure, but I don’t know what is crossing the line. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t like how he lies to me about it. I saw that he had been watching it on his phone and he point out blank lied to my face and swore he would never do that behind my back. I’ve come around to somewhat accept the fact he watches porn, because I can’t control what he does and what he likes to do in his free time. I hate how he lies to my face, and it is hard to know what to believe or not believe without proof. Advice?? Is anyone going through a similar situation?? I told him that i want him to do what he wants to do and be his best self he wants to be, but I don’t want to be lied to. Thanks guys
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username5769209
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Lies lead to more lies. What else would he be willing to lie about?<---- rhetorical question


Approach him about it, if he still lies, might be time to break it up chickadee. He's watching other girls have sex to be blunt. How long till he wants to have sex with someone who isn't you while you're dating? <-------------- also rhetorical question
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Coolnerdqueen)
Lies lead to more lies. What else would he be willing to lie about?<---- rhetorical question


Approach him about it, if he still lies, might be time to break it up chickadee. He's watching other girls have sex to be blunt. How long till he wants to have sex with someone who isn't you while you're dating? <-------------- also rhetorical question
I like this answer. And I completely agree. Thank you <3
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username5769209
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I like this answer. And I completely agree. Thank you <3
No problem! Glad to be of help
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SlaveofAll
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Why would he want to watch it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
Why would he want to watch it?
That’s a good question, I’m not sure!
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s a good question, I’m not sure!
It makes me curious, given that it might be a sign of a bigger problem, such as lack of sex or a grave misunderstanding.
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Zarek
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I think the vast majority of guys and many girls will watch porn. People are curious to watch it even when in a relationship and it is to an extent normalised by it’s ready availability. This leaving aside that much of it is vile, which is more the issue than it disrespecting a partner in my book.
Disapproval will increase the temptation to conceal and lie and there is some mixed messages, with him being free to do what he likes but not wanting him to watch it. I would state clearly how you feel and what you expect and go from there.
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ashtolga23
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I don't like it, think it's unhealthy, and wouldn't accept it.
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anosmianAcrimony
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I think it's very reasonable to be uncomfortable with one's partner watching porn, and even more reasonable, in your case, to be upset at the fact that he's lied to you about it. If I were you I'd have a serious, sit-down chat about the whole thing and gently make the reasons it has discomfited and upset you known to him. If he's not willing to at least listen, then I'd get rid of him - a relationship where you're not able to talk about your feelings with your partner is not likely to last and be happy anyway.

Personally, it wouldn't bother me if my partner watched porn. But I am not in your relationship
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi!! So I wondered how other people thought about their significant other watching porn. It makes me uncomfortable, and he is aware of that. I know that it is his own thing that he does on his own time, but I feel like it is somewhat disrespectful. In a way I understand for sure, but I don’t know what is crossing the line. One thing I know for sure is that I don’t like how he lies to me about it. I saw that he had been watching it on his phone and he point out blank lied to my face and swore he would never do that behind my back. I’ve come around to somewhat accept the fact he watches porn, because I can’t control what he does and what he likes to do in his free time. I hate how he lies to my face, and it is hard to know what to believe or not believe without proof. Advice?? Is anyone going through a similar situation?? I told him that i want him to do what he wants to do and be his best self he wants to be, but I don’t want to be lied to. Thanks guys
Perhaps he is just embarrassed about you commenting on how he watches porn lol . Well I can understand your concern if it's not just him randomly watching it cause he is bored but him being addicted to it because then I would also try to help him in any way to free him from the addiction . Oh and for your first question I wouldn't really care but it would still feel a bit disturbing so I get you on that .
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Son of the Sea
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Completely normal for guys to watch porn, even in a relationship.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Coolnerdqueen)
Lies lead to more lies. What else would he be willing to lie about?<---- rhetorical question


Approach him about it, if he still lies, might be time to break it up chickadee. He's watching other girls have sex to be blunt. How long till he wants to have sex with someone who isn't you while you're dating? <-------------- also rhetorical question
I think this is too harsh. he is probably lying about it because he thinks or knows she disapproves and doesn't want to get into an argument/beef about it.

he does not see porn as cheating or being unfaithful (very few men do)

his lie in his eyes is a white lie to avoid agro.

men viewing porn isn't uncommon.

statistically over 70% of males view porn so if he's going to be dumped over this most likely the next guy who OP gets with is going to be a porn viewer also
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by ANM775)
I think this is too harsh. he is probably lying about it because he thinks or knows she disapproves and doesn't want to get into an argument/beef about it.

he does not see porn as cheating or being unfaithful (very few men do)

his lie in his eyes is a white lie to avoid agro.

men viewing porn isn't uncommon.

statistically over 70% of males view porn so if he's going to be dumped over this most likely the next guy who OP gets with is going to be a porn viewer also
It's not okay to lie to one's partner to avoid arguing about something they don't want you to do. Good relationships are founded on good communication - you need to be willing to have these discussions, rather than just trying to "avoid aggro".

It's fair to say many men watch porn, and many would see it as acceptable to watch while in a relationship. The OP is uncomfortable with it, though, and that's what matters here. It may be that the OP and her partner are basically incompatible on this issue, in which case it'd probably be best if they broke up, rather than going through all this arguing and deception.
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ANM775
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
It's not okay to lie to one's partner to avoid arguing about something they don't want you to do. Good relationships are founded on good communication - you need to be willing to have these discussions, rather than just trying to "avoid aggro".

It's fair to say many men watch porn, and many would see it as acceptable to watch while in a relationship. The OP is uncomfortable with it, though, and that's what matters here. It may be that the OP and her partner are basically incompatible on this issue, in which case it'd probably be best if they broke up, rather than going through all this arguing and deception.
you could also argue it's not okay to put pressure on a partner over material they watch in their spare time which is neither illegal or hateful
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OctoberRain7
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I don't watch porn and wouldn't date someone who watched porn. I'm ethically against it and believe that it has many negative effects on people and their views on sex and relationships.
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username5769209
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
It's not okay to lie to one's partner to avoid arguing about something they don't want you to do. Good relationships are founded on good communication - you need to be willing to have these discussions, rather than just trying to "avoid aggro".

It's fair to say many men watch porn, and many would see it as acceptable to watch while in a relationship. The OP is uncomfortable with it, though, and that's what matters here. It may be that the OP and her partner are basically incompatible on this issue, in which case it'd probably be best if they broke up, rather than going through all this arguing and deception.
hey homie!!
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Coolnerdqueen)
hey homie!!
Hey Queeeeen! How are you?
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CaptainDuckie
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Alright... so you’ve already told him that he can watch porn, but it’s more of the fact that he’s lying to you in order to not argue with you?


Yeah, I don’t think that’s very good... the lying and all that.. the very least he can do is be honest with you.. maybe now that you’ve caught him out, he’s more likely to be honest with you?


If he watches it but is lying to you, he might just not want you to be upset/ uncomfortable, it’s more of a guilty lie. I feel like this is something that overcomes with time. How long have you been in a relationship with him?
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username5173262
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Sounds like a you problem to be honest chief - poor guy wouldn't be lying to you in the first place if you weren't getting so mad about him watching porn. I mean, why would you make him swear to not watch porn behind your back? Control issues chief, control issues.
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