Anonymous #1
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In your opinion, why do some people struggle to make friends or have a regular social circle? Even if they are nice and regularly talk to people in school, uni etc, why do they fail to keep those friendships outside of these institutions? Could there be something wrong with them? Is that why they aren't invited to things, or not regularly socialising? What reasons could there be that others don't want to be friends with them?
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Anonymous #2
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I dont ****ing know. People just dont want to be friends with people. Also because said people dont matter to them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I dont ****ing know. People just dont want to be friends with people. Also because said people dont matter to them
Ok. Firstly, calm down... I was simply asking a question. Maybe some people do want to be friends, but maybe don’t know how to make that circle?
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Max1989
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I've never been able to make meaningful relationships including with family. Even though I'm genuinely the most freindly person on the planet and just have a talent for being liked.

I don't think it's something wrong with the person as you are great, just simply we aren't seen as important for people's day to day lives, it can also be a lack of effort on the individuals part to maintain the relationship, I haven't talked to anyone since January, but nor have I made an attempt to talk to anyone as for me it's very draining and the lack of meaningful connection makes it difficult. But freindship is a two way street, look back at situations people tried to do things with you but you never returned the favour.

But that said I have no clue, would love to know but it's just something that has always plagued me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
I've never been able to make meaningful relationships including with family. Even though I'm genuinely the most freindly person on the planet and just have a talent for being liked.

I don't think it's something wrong with the person as you are great, just simply we aren't seen as important for people's day to day lives, it can also be a lack of effort on the individuals part to maintain the relationship, I haven't talked to anyone since January, but nor have I made an attempt to talk to anyone as for me it's very draining and the lack of meaningful connection makes it difficult. But freindship is a two way street, look back at situations people tried to do things with you but you never returned the favour.

But that said I have no clue, would love to know but it's just something that has always plagued me.
Thank you for your response, I've been thinking the same thing. I didn't mean it to sound like there's something wrong with those people, I meant more like could others see something wrong in us? I find it weird that people will say 'Oh you're so lovely, you're so kind', but they never seem to want to hang out. I think what you say about lack of effort is very true. I really want to make a good social circle, but have always struggled to. I also get very nervous in social settings and am rarely the one to make the first move, or invite people out. I really need to get out of this comfort zone as I can't expect others to always invite me to places or start the conversation. I haven't maintained many friendships from school, only two girls from college. As you get older, life gets busier, you move around and can't see people. Plus the pandemic hasn't helped either. I hope something can change soon for me. I don't necessarily want a huge circle - I'm an introvert and enjoy my alone time, but I also don't want to be isolated and know I need to expose myself into social gatherings - just a few people to meet up with regularly would be great. Maybe I should discuss this with a therapist or something :/ I like being alone, but aloneness all the time can't be healthy, right?
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Max1989
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your response, I've been thinking the same thing. I didn't mean it to sound like there's something wrong with those people, I meant more like could others see something wrong in us? I find it weird that people will say 'Oh you're so lovely, you're so kind', but they never seem to want to hang out. I think what you say about lack of effort is very true. I really want to make a good social circle, but have always struggled to. I also get very nervous in social settings and am rarely the one to make the first move, or invite people out. I really need to get out of this comfort zone as I can't expect others to always invite me to places or start the conversation. I haven't maintained many friendships from school, only two girls from college. As you get older, life gets busier, you move around and can't see people. Plus the pandemic hasn't helped either. I hope something can change soon for me. I don't necessarily want a huge circle - I'm an introvert and enjoy my alone time, but I also don't want to be isolated and know I need to expose myself into social gatherings - just a few people to meet up with regularly would be great. Maybe I should discuss this with a therapist or something :/ I like being alone, but aloneness all the time can't be healthy, right?
Yeah simply although people like you they are too busy to notice your absence, but indeed both of us need to step out of our comfort zones a bit, yes people should want to talk to us but if we don't reach out and talk to them how can we expect the same.

You can try a therapist, they might help but I expect they'd just recommend going out your comfort zone and try and overcome the anxiety a bit/try and get to the route cause of the anxiety. I need to do the same but I'm really stubborn when it come stop doing anything for myself...which is ironic as that's why I'd need to see a therapist...I take being your own worst enemy to an extreme

If you have any hobbies that you might of considered doing but never tried, now might be a good time to try them out, as not only will it be fun, it's a way of taking your mind of the loneliness (being lonely is only experienced when you notice it, being distracted completely takes it away), and you'll meet new people who will be able to relate with you and perhaps form better friendships. There is also things like Facebook groups on different topic that might be nice groups to join of like minded people.

Loneliness isn't healthy...but it's easier said than done to stop it as at least in my case it isn't simply talking to people I can literally step out my door and do that, it's feeling connected, but I haven't felt connected to someone for a long time.

And don't know how much it'll help but there's many lovely users on here, myself included, who are always up for a chat if you just need someone to vent, chat about whatever, just feel like you are part of someone's life even if we are just chatting about what we ate and the squirrels in the garden

It'll be better though and covid hasn't helped at all, I had a solid group of flatmates in first year uni, but covid came around and in second year I had no one, well one girl for the first lockdown kept tabs on me but now we don't talk (again going back to effort on my part it was probably me initiating only 20% of the conversations), might try to contact her again but like you I just really struggle getting things going, once the conversation starts it's okay, just dong the initial push is difficult.

Also with the connected thing maybe we just aren't opening up ourselves enough, in the sense our interactions are superficial as we simply aren't willing to go deeper, due to whatever...maybe just a thought whilst rambling

As much as you feel alone you aren't, there's people out there who will make you smile ear to ear and will never get tired of you, only way to find them is to try new things, talk to people you've perhaps not talked to before

But yeah...time for me to shut up
Last edited by Max1989; 1 month ago
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