sacredvortexia
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’m 23, started working at my first real job in an office in March. Not a student any more but not sure where else to ask for guidance.

I basically have zero friends. My school/6th form was very small and it was hard to make long term friends that stuck around after leaving school.

I went to uni and did a full 3 year course that I honestly didn’t like. I commuted to uni because I was super anxious about living with strangers (I regret that decision now). So naturally it was quite difficult to make friends there too, especially since there was a cultural device with a lot of the other students.

Then the COVID lockdown hit and that was another year gone of not making friends whilst also trying desperately to find work.

I got lucky getting a decent job in an office, and even luckier that there was a group of people roughly my age that I like and talk to a lot at work. The problem is that whenever we try and arrange to meet up outside of work it always gets cancelled last minute, which I suspect is because they have other plans.

Whenever they ask “how was your weekend” and things like that it makes me really sad because they are always going out with friends etc. meanwhile I’m stuck at home doing nothing. I do get quite jealous of their social lives, especially since most of them are in relationships which I haven’t been since school.

Time also might be running out on making them into close friends, as there’s talk of sending us to work at home which would make it much harder to stay in close contact. I’ve already missed a lot of the “golden years” of socialization (only been on like one “night out” ever) and I don’t want to miss any more.
0
reply
VirginMaryAxe
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Not be all 'woe is me', but it could be worse. I'll soon be 29, and I haven't had a real friend for almost ten years now, or a social life for about the same length of time. I was in a five-year relationship, but most of the time we only ever hung about with each other. We broke up a couple of months ago when I think we both realised that I couldn't commit - not just to our relationship, but to life in general. I've been so anxious/depressed and hermit-y for so long now that I can't bring myself to try anything new for more than a few days. I do a forty-hour a week office job with no chat whatsoever then come home and game or watch YouTube. Perhaps buoyed by the breakup, I've decided to try going to study film in the US, but it seems like that might be impossible, esp. as I already have a degree (that got me nowhere).

Aaanyway, yes, trust me, not having friends or a social life for so long is just utterly debilitating - feels like being deprived of oxygen :P have you tried making friends through online sites? Or getting in touch with old school friends?
0
reply
sacredvortexia
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by VirginMaryAxe)
Not be all 'woe is me', but it could be worse. I'll soon be 29, and I haven't had a real friend for almost ten years now, or a social life for about the same length of time. I was in a five-year relationship, but most of the time we only ever hung about with each other. We broke up a couple of months ago when I think we both realised that I couldn't commit - not just to our relationship, but to life in general. I've been so anxious/depressed and hermit-y for so long now that I can't bring myself to try anything new for more than a few days. I do a forty-hour a week office job with no chat whatsoever then come home and game or watch YouTube. Perhaps buoyed by the breakup, I've decided to try going to study film in the US, but it seems like that might be impossible, esp. as I already have a degree (that got me nowhere).

Aaanyway, yes, trust me, not having friends or a social life for so long is just utterly debilitating - feels like being deprived of oxygen :P have you tried making friends through online sites? Or getting in touch with old school friends?
Sorry to hear that, that does sound very depressing.

With regards to "online only" friends I have plenty of those but it really isn't the same typing with folks online.

Re school friends. They all have moved far away now and I only had 3 or 4 to begin with.
0
reply
VirginMaryAxe
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
Ah that sucks that they live far away. Too far to meet up with even semi-regularly?
By online I meant that there are sites for meeting up with folk with similar interests in person that you could try
0
reply
sacredvortexia
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by VirginMaryAxe)
Ah that sucks that they live far away. Too far to meet up with even semi-regularly?
By online I meant that there are sites for meeting up with folk with similar interests in person that you could try
And which sites are these? and is there a guarantee of meeting people in the right age group? (no offence to 30 and 40 somethings but not really what I'm looking for).
0
reply
Pink Unicorn
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by sacredvortexia)
I’m 23, started working at my first real job in an office in March. Not a student any more but not sure where else to ask for guidance.

I basically have zero friends. My school/6th form was very small and it was hard to make long term friends that stuck around after leaving school.

I went to uni and did a full 3 year course that I honestly didn’t like. I commuted to uni because I was super anxious about living with strangers (I regret that decision now). So naturally it was quite difficult to make friends there too, especially since there was a cultural device with a lot of the other students.

Then the COVID lockdown hit and that was another year gone of not making friends whilst also trying desperately to find work.

I got lucky getting a decent job in an office, and even luckier that there was a group of people roughly my age that I like and talk to a lot at work. The problem is that whenever we try and arrange to meet up outside of work it always gets cancelled last minute, which I suspect is because they have other plans.

Whenever they ask “how was your weekend” and things like that it makes me really sad because they are always going out with friends etc. meanwhile I’m stuck at home doing nothing. I do get quite jealous of their social lives, especially since most of them are in relationships which I haven’t been since school.

Time also might be running out on making them into close friends, as there’s talk of sending us to work at home which would make it much harder to stay in close contact. I’ve already missed a lot of the “golden years” of socialization (only been on like one “night out” ever) and I don’t want to miss any more.
Try volunteering

When I moved city, I found volunteering really helped with finding people with common interests and passions.

I know it's quite difficult with COVID - there are opportunities to volunteer remotely for now which could help.

There's also apps like Meetup, We3 and Bumble you could join to find some friends.

Lots of people feel the same as you do now, especially with the pandemic.

PU
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (33)
30%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (10)
9.09%
No I am happy with my choice (60)
54.55%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (7)
6.36%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed