Please help :( Relationship advice for a 17 year old

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and recently I have had a boyfriend we've been together for about 4 months.
I met him because he came new to my school and I felt bad for him and decided to be friends with him. Quickly we came to each other for comfort, had our first date and even our first kiss. I was his first girl and kiss and he was my first bf and kiss. We've had to keep our relationship really private because we both come from a very religious household but we are not religious ourselves.
We shared a lot in common beliefs, mental health problems and personality.
One thing I've realised is that I will not be pretty enough for him. A few days ago, me, him and Susie went to the beach. This was his first time meeting Susie ever, whilst me and Susie used to be good friends a few years ago. I'm not allowed to wear the clothing I want because of my background and religion. He complimented Susie but he didn't really talk to me at all. They had a lot common interests. When we were sitting on the bench, he was having proper conversations with her, which he wouldn't really do with me when were alone. Unlike me, Susie doesn't struggle with acne, weight loss and being restricted with what she can wear and do because of her parents and religion.
A few days ago out of nowhere, we stopped talking but I know from a gc that he has started talking to Susie. Susie is really sweet and I can't hate her, but I still have feelings for my bf. I know they are just friends for now, but honestly, everyone around me sees them as a cute couple. He's playing along with it, but he didn't even recognise me as a gf infront of others. Probably because I'm ugly af
I feel like when we first started dating, he had more feelings for me than I did for him, but now it's the other way round. We would speak so often and for so long, and cuddle and kiss and love each others presence, but now its like he's disappeared (its only been 3 days since we stopped talking) and I really miss him and can't get over it. I really want his comfort back
I feel more and more insecure about my body, I dislike my parents more because they make me wear a big black coat outside, all day everyday even in the heat. I dislike my stupid self for having to leave the beach early and leave them alone together. I know they are just friends but still, it could go further. And I don't want that because I still have feelings for him.
What should I do? I am way to scared to speak to him again. We used to speak online for hours but everything has turned around.
0
reply
sunny.side.up
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
I would talk to him about it. He shouldn't be comfortable with people saying they are a cute couple whilst you two are dating. He shouldn't be ignoring you to be with her either. You need to make him recognize his behavior and what he is doing bothers you. If it continues to happen, break up with him, he isn't worth your time.

Also, just because you don't dress revealing or the way everyone does, doesn't make you any less beautiful.
3
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and recently I have had a boyfriend we've been together for about 4 months.
I met him because he came new to my school and I felt bad for him and decided to be friends with him. Quickly we came to each other for comfort, had our first date and even our first kiss. I was his first girl and kiss and he was my first bf and kiss. We've had to keep our relationship really private because we both come from a very religious household but we are not religious ourselves.
We shared a lot in common beliefs, mental health problems and personality.
One thing I've realised is that I will not be pretty enough for him. A few days ago, me, him and Susie went to the beach. This was his first time meeting Susie ever, whilst me and Susie used to be good friends a few years ago. I'm not allowed to wear the clothing I want because of my background and religion. He complimented Susie but he didn't really talk to me at all. They had a lot common interests. When we were sitting on the bench, he was having proper conversations with her, which he wouldn't really do with me when were alone. Unlike me, Susie doesn't struggle with acne, weight loss and being restricted with what she can wear and do because of her parents and religion.
A few days ago out of nowhere, we stopped talking but I know from a gc that he has started talking to Susie. Susie is really sweet and I can't hate her, but I still have feelings for my bf. I know they are just friends for now, but honestly, everyone around me sees them as a cute couple. He's playing along with it, but he didn't even recognise me as a gf infront of others. Probably because I'm ugly af
I feel like when we first started dating, he had more feelings for me than I did for him, but now it's the other way round. We would speak so often and for so long, and cuddle and kiss and love each others presence, but now its like he's disappeared (its only been 3 days since we stopped talking) and I really miss him and can't get over it. I really want his comfort back
I feel more and more insecure about my body, I dislike my parents more because they make me wear a big black coat outside, all day everyday even in the heat. I dislike my stupid self for having to leave the beach early and leave them alone together. I know they are just friends but still, it could go further. And I don't want that because I still have feelings for him.
What should I do? I am way to scared to speak to him again. We used to speak online for hours but everything has turned around.
If you feel like this, the best thing to do is to speak to him. It may feel scary, but you need to communicate and talk to him. He may not be cheating with you, but you need to talk to him. And if it turns out he is cheating on you/he doesn't reply to your message maybe send a break up message. There's no point in self hating...cos most of the time it's not your fault, but his for not seeing your beauty.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me :hugs:

hope it get's better
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Wannabevetnurse)
If you feel like this, the best thing to do is to speak to him. It may feel scary, but you need to communicate and talk to him. He may not be cheating with you, but you need to talk to him. And if it turns out he is cheating on you/he doesn't reply to your message maybe send a break up message. There's no point in self hating...cos most of the time it's not your fault, but his for not seeing your beauty.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me :hugs:

hope it get's better
He will probably find it strange that I am overthinking of them being a couple, since he recognises her as a friend and I can see that. The 'cute couple' talk on gc has died down for now. I don't want to talk to him about her tho. It was my fault I stopped talking to him out of the blue. I remember for a whole day I was gone from online because of an issue, and I came back to so many messages of him asking if I needed help with anything and saying I love you. This was a while ago. I've been gone for three days now (out of choice) and he hasn't said anything. I don't think he has the same feelings for me anymore, but I still have feelings for him ;( I miss his cuddles and kisses
0
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
He will probably find it strange that I am overthinking of them being a couple, since he recognises her as a friend and I can see that. The 'cute couple' talk on gc has died down for now. I don't want to talk to him about her tho. It was my fault I stopped talking to him out of the blue. I remember for a whole day I was gone from online because of an issue, and I came back to so many messages of him asking if I needed help with anything and saying I love you. This was a while ago. I've been gone for three days now (out of choice) and he hasn't said anything. I don't think he has the same feelings for me anymore, but I still have feelings for him ;( I miss his cuddles and kisses
You have to talk to him. If you want a good and healthy relationship, you have to talk.

This issue won't just go away. You need to talk to him before it escalates.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by sunny.side.up)
I would talk to him about it. He shouldn't be comfortable with people saying they are a cute couple whilst you two are dating. He shouldn't be ignoring you to be with her either. You need to make him recognize his behavior and what he is doing bothers you. If it continues to happen, break up with him, he isn't worth your time.

Also, just because you don't dress revealing or the way everyone does, doesn't make you any less beautiful.
lets be real, in the modern day standard, the way I am made to dress makes me appear less attractive. It's not my choice, my parents force it upon me. It's no surprise I haven't been able to take this relationship further. I don't know what I was expecting being this ugly looking
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Wannabevetnurse)
You have to talk to him. If you want a good and healthy relationship, you have to talk.

This issue won't just go away. You need to talk to him before it escalates.
I am really shy, but ok. I'll do it later today

But what do you think I should say? I don't want to talk about susie since he'll think I'm jealous of her. He'll probably tell me they are just friends, which they are.. for now
0
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I am really shy, but ok. I'll do it later today

But what do you think I should say? I don't want to talk about susie since he'll think I'm jealous of her. He'll probably tell me they are just friends, which they are.. for now
You need to be confident and strong. If he knows you're fearful, he won't take you seriously.

Just say
"so what's deal the with you and susie?" and see what he says. Make sure you tell him how you feel.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Wannabevetnurse)
You need to be confident and strong. If he knows you're fearful, he won't take you seriously.

Just say
"so what's deal the with you and susie?" and see what he says. Make sure you tell him how you feel.
no no no, that will make things worse. I used to be good friends with Susie before she left the school. Susie is probably the sweetest person on the planet. If she knew that he was my bf (which she doesn't) she would position herself away for him just for me. But I don't want to tell Susie because we don't talk that often. It would be weird to just tell her out of the blue.
My bf on the other hand has only met her once in his life at the beach but plays games with her occasionally online. On the other hand, me and my bf used to see each other everyday at school and go out about once a week
I might just be overthinking, the fact that we haven't spoken for a few days makes me think the wrong direction more and more.
Whilst we had conversations about how much we love each other and our relationship, him and susie have conversations about games, tv shows, philosophy and similar interests. I don't think going straight up and saying "so what's deal the with you and susie?" make things any clearer, it would definitely make things awkward.
0
reply
VirginMaryAxe
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Also, you're not ugly because of the way you dress, man!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by VirginMaryAxe)
Also, you're not ugly because of the way you dress, man!
well I am still ugly because of my full body acne, and I look chubby.
I know that I should love my body, but I really hate it...
I've come to hate it more at this point. He used to make me feel happy about my body, and comfort me no matter what. But no that he's gone, or at least we haven't been speaking for a while, things have really changed, and I've realised how unattractive I actually am compared to others.
I kind of hate myself
0
reply
Wannabevetnurse
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
well I am still ugly because of my full body acne, and I look chubby.
I know that I should love my body, but I really hate it...
I've come to hate it more at this point. He used to make me feel happy about my body, and comfort me no matter what. But no that he's gone, or at least we haven't been speaking for a while, things have really changed, and I've realised how unattractive I actually am compared to others.
I kind of hate myself

You shouldn't hate yourself cos you have acne and look chubby, I bet you're gorgeous.

(Original post by Anonymous)
no no no, that will make things worse. I used to be good friends with Susie before she left the school. Susie is probably the sweetest person on the planet. If she knew that he was my bf (which she doesn't) she would position herself away for him just for me. But I don't want to tell Susie because we don't talk that often. It would be weird to just tell her out of the blue.
My bf on the other hand has only met her once in his life at the beach but plays games with her occasionally online. On the other hand, me and my bf used to see each other everyday at school and go out about once a week
I might just be overthinking, the fact that we haven't spoken for a few days makes me think the wrong direction more and more.
Whilst we had conversations about how much we love each other and our relationship, him and susie have conversations about games, tv shows, philosophy and similar interests. I don't think going straight up and saying "so what's deal the with you and susie?" make things any clearer, it would definitely make things awkward.
You should definitely talk to him. You can be indirect, but the point will get lost. Just ask him if you and him are exclusive.

Also if you just wanna talk about anything, my PMs are open x
0
reply
sunshine774
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and recently I have had a boyfriend we've been together for about 4 months.
I met him because he came new to my school and I felt bad for him and decided to be friends with him. Quickly we came to each other for comfort, had our first date and even our first kiss. I was his first girl and kiss and he was my first bf and kiss. We've had to keep our relationship really private because we both come from a very religious household but we are not religious ourselves.
We shared a lot in common beliefs, mental health problems and personality.
One thing I've realised is that I will not be pretty enough for him. A few days ago, me, him and Susie went to the beach. This was his first time meeting Susie ever, whilst me and Susie used to be good friends a few years ago. I'm not allowed to wear the clothing I want because of my background and religion. He complimented Susie but he didn't really talk to me at all. They had a lot common interests. When we were sitting on the bench, he was having proper conversations with her, which he wouldn't really do with me when were alone. Unlike me, Susie doesn't struggle with acne, weight loss and being restricted with what she can wear and do because of her parents and religion.
A few days ago out of nowhere, we stopped talking but I know from a gc that he has started talking to Susie. Susie is really sweet and I can't hate her, but I still have feelings for my bf. I know they are just friends for now, but honestly, everyone around me sees them as a cute couple. He's playing along with it, but he didn't even recognise me as a gf infront of others. Probably because I'm ugly af
I feel like when we first started dating, he had more feelings for me than I did for him, but now it's the other way round. We would speak so often and for so long, and cuddle and kiss and love each others presence, but now its like he's disappeared (its only been 3 days since we stopped talking) and I really miss him and can't get over it. I really want his comfort back
I feel more and more insecure about my body, I dislike my parents more because they make me wear a big black coat outside, all day everyday even in the heat. I dislike my stupid self for having to leave the beach early and leave them alone together. I know they are just friends but still, it could go further. And I don't want that because I still have feelings for him.
What should I do? I am way to scared to speak to him again. We used to speak online for hours but everything has turned around.
I feel like he's using you, his behaviour is not ok. Especially if even after people have said they're a cute couple, he's not denying it but going along with it.

I would talk to him and end it, cause it feels like he has already ended it.

Don't call yourself stupid, this is NOT your fault at all. He doesn't sound like a good person, he's in the wrong here.
0
reply
sunshine774
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
He will probably find it strange that I am overthinking of them being a couple, since he recognises her as a friend and I can see that. The 'cute couple' talk on gc has died down for now. I don't want to talk to him about her tho. It was my fault I stopped talking to him out of the blue. I remember for a whole day I was gone from online because of an issue, and I came back to so many messages of him asking if I needed help with anything and saying I love you. This was a while ago. I've been gone for three days now (out of choice) and he hasn't said anything. I don't think he has the same feelings for me anymore, but I still have feelings for him ;( I miss his cuddles and kisses
If he really loved you, he wouldn't be acting like that. Trust me, that's not love at all.

Anyone can say those three words, but when people show you who they really are through their actions- believe them.

You deserve way better than this guy!
0
reply
VirginMaryAxe
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
Just because people say you should look a certain way, doesn't mean you should! The vast majority of people go through what you're going through now. I know self-hate, and it doesn't feel good, nor does it really make any sense. Any way you look at it, your situation with this guy shouldn't be making you feel bad about your body or your self in general.
I would agree: talk to him about your feelings, cause (again speaking from experience) concealing things only makes things even more confusing and almost always worse. Regardless, you are a beautiful person experiencing what tons of other folk your age experience, and that doesn't change for anything. Remember that
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Poll: What factors affect your mental health most right now? Post-lockdown edition

Anxiousness about restrictions easing (43)
5.83%
Uncertainty around my education (84)
11.4%
Uncertainty around my future career prospects (79)
10.72%
Lack of purpose or motivation (94)
12.75%
Lack of support system (eg. teachers, counsellors, delays in care) (39)
5.29%
Impact lockdown had on physical health (41)
5.56%
Social worries (incl. loneliness/making friends) (79)
10.72%
Financial worries (50)
6.78%
Concern about myself or my loves ones getting/having been ill (32)
4.34%
Exposure to negative news/social media (45)
6.11%
Difficulty accessing real life entertainment (24)
3.26%
Lack of confidence in making big life decisions (70)
9.5%
Worry about missed opportunities during the pandemic (57)
7.73%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed