Relationships at Oxford??

One piece of advice: Don't go there, hoping that this new place will suddenly fulfil all your relationship issues and you'll find the boy/girl of your dreams. I know some people are very happy with partners they've found at both Oxford and Cambridge *cough*Elles*cough* but you sound just like I did about 2½ years ago. And I'm still single, albeit with a more interesting past than I would ever have thought possible! If the right guy is here I'm yet to meet him, I keep picking the wrong ones, and I know there is a lot more about myself that has to change yet before I'm a particularly attractive proposition :rolleyes:

But a new start is always a good thing, so don't let me put you off!

Reply 3

crana9

2

Found at both oxford and cambridge? Thats playing the field a bit really.

Reply 4

Font

Helenia

One piece of advice: Don't go there, hoping that this new place will suddenly fulfil all your relationship issues and you'll find the boy/girl of your dreams. I know some people are very happy with partners they've found at both Oxford and Cambridge *cough*Elles*cough* but you sound just like I did about 2½ years ago. And I'm still single, albeit with a more interesting past than I would ever have thought possible! If the right guy is here I'm yet to meet him, I keep picking the wrong ones, and I know there is a lot more about myself that has to change yet before I'm a particularly attractive proposition :rolleyes:

But a new start is always a good thing, so don't let me put you off!

but that is cambridge, lol; cambridge guys wrok way harder than oxford peopls from what i've heard - rumour has it that cambridge people are nerds :confused:

and work all day, lol. rumour also has it that oxford people are less nerdy, and more down to earth - believe whatever, but from reading aronud the institutions i believe that people in Oxford are more down to earth - this decision is not influenced my my offer (it resulted in me choosing oxford in the first place!)

Reply 5

crana9

2

Yeah, rumours are a really good source of reliable information, as is mysterious -reading around-.

When (or if) you get to uni you will realise that there is such a wide variety of people there that generalisations like that are meaningless.

Reply 6

Elles

Helenia

..I know some people are very happy with partners they've found at both Oxford and Cambridge *cough*Elles*cough* but you sound just like I did about 2½ years ago...

tis sort of a year today, incidentally.. :love:

yes, you all really wanted me to share that.. :wink:

anyway, i have some thoughts on this matter - but bed calls right now, then intense revision tomorrow. :frown:

but, hopefully F.Poste will be along, with her official matchmaking experience wisdom! :biggrin:

Reply 7

Phil23

but that is cambridge, lol; cambridge guys wrok way harder than oxford peopls from what i've heard - rumour has it that cambridge people are nerds :confused:

and work all day, lol. rumour also has it that oxford people are less nerdy, and more down to earth - believe whatever, but from reading aronud the institutions i believe that people in Oxford are more down to earth - this decision is not influenced my my offer (it resulted in me choosing oxford in the first place!)

You're starting to annoy me now. You actually know NOTHING about Cambridge, its students or its men, whereas I do, about all three. So I think I'll stick with my opinion and relegate yours to that of tragic not-even-student-yet.

Rosie - you know what I meant!

Edit, Elles, congratulations! :smile:

Celebrate in style!

Reply 8

crana9

2

I did indeed.

I have a non-cam boyfriend and it is very nice to have someone who is @outside@ so to speak. Except I have to remember to translate everything from camspeak into normal speak. Supervisors are tutors, and so on.

Reply 9

Tomorrow2Day

If you're going to be at Oriel I will teach you to sort out your relationship issues and we'll go out on the town together until we've found the woman of your dreams. Promise. Feel free not to believe me.

Anyway, if you're not going to be at Oriel, why am I even talking to you? Hah, I am so high and mighty and Conservative! I needn't speak with you lowly riff-raff-ruffians! Or something equally crazy.

Reply 10

RObTRIP

9

Phil23

but that is cambridge, lol; cambridge guys wrok way harder than oxford peopls from what i've heard - rumour has it that cambridge people are nerds :confused:

and work all day, lol. rumour also has it that oxford people are less nerdy, and more down to earth - believe whatever, but from reading aronud the institutions i believe that people in Oxford are more down to earth - this decision is not influenced my my offer (it resulted in me choosing oxford in the first place!)

listen youre a **** please shut up with repeating the same CRAP!
(it rhymes!)

Reply 11

musicbloke

Helenia

You actually know NOTHING about Cambridge, its students or its men, whereas I do, about all three.

I suspect that there are more than three men in Cambridge.

MB

Reply 12

bOdOING2

Tomorrow2Day

If you're going to be at Oriel I will teach you to sort out your relationship issues and we'll go out on the town together until we've found the woman of your dreams. Promise. Feel free not to believe me.

Anyway, if you're not going to be at Oriel, why am I even talking to you? Hah, I am so high and mighty and Conservative! I needn't speak with you lowly riff-raff-ruffians! Or something equally crazy.

O.. I see u got into the Oriel groove already... Rah up!! Drink port and the like..

:dancing2:

Reply 13

F. Poste

Elles

tis sort of a year today, incidentally.. :love:

yes, you all really wanted me to share that.. :wink:

anyway, i have some thoughts on this matter - but bed calls right now, then intense revision tomorrow. :frown:

but, hopefully F.Poste will be along, with her official matchmaking experience wisdom! :biggrin:

Did you see the OxStu? Am so proud :biggrin:

I got bought lots of drinks tonight.. Congrats on your anniversary :biggrin:

Anyway, yes, I am qualified to answer this seeing as I am the writer of the matchmaking column in the Oxford Student :cool:

If I'm still writing it then I'll set you up if you have any problems!!

So yes.. relationships in Oxford. Erm.. the first sentence of my column reads "It's official: Oxford is cursed when it comes to matters of the heart". However, this is hyperbole really.. I honestly think that romantic opportunities at Oxford are what you make of them, just like every other. If you get out a lot and meet lots of people it's more likely you'll meet someone you like. But if you stay in the college bubble and stick to activities where meeting people is impossible, then it's likely to stay that way!

As for changing your personality.. I have changed somewhat, have lots more confidence now. However, you can only change so far.. I'm still the excitable person who is unable to maintain any sophistication, and I still get nervous about meeting new people! Since getting here I've been able to accept that and not feel the need to change so much.. if you're a bit shy then you'll have to cope with that, just as I cope with containing my excitement! there are worse things to be than shy :smile:

Reply 14

Elles

F. Poste

Did you see the OxStu? Am so proud :biggrin:

I got bought lots of drinks tonight..

not yet.. wasn't in our postroom yesterday..but i shall try & hunt one down! thanks for the best wishes, ditto helen, unfortunately collections-doom has got in the way! but oh well..

So, to respond to this..

Firstly..medicine? yay.. congrats hahahabubu - i'm a 2nd year medic, if you have any Qs, feel free to PM me & i'll do my best to help..

How easy is it to get into a relationship there?

hmm, i think i make a fairly interesting case study, having achieved both an acrimonous oxford break up, been single for about 5 weeks, then dived into another serious relationship, which thus far has lasted just over a year (depends how pedantically you count!) - in the space of 4 terms.. not bad going...

I've been quite a shy guy, in this respect anyway (i dinno, with other things im more out going), and have only had 1 semi-serious relationship (and that was more than 2 years ago! (Yeah i sound really sad now dont I... ) up till now. I mean how easy is it for a person like me? Especially in if a belong to a college which only has a few hundred ppl in it?

you don't sound sad at all.. i didn't really start the whole "boyfriend" thing till i was ~18. though alas, time being free & single since then has been sparse! :wink:

& i'd say perhaps Oxford is a good place to meet people, especially being female.. *stereotype/cliche alert here* - in that it's a given that everyone will be intelligent & most will be fairly focussed & decent all rounders, thus may be less intimidated than you may have found previously with regards to the "clever" thing.

Where is good to meet ppl?? And how easy is it to change 1s personality once at a new enviorment? (In ur experiances?)

well, in your college primarily, but i wouldn't recommend going all out to pick up women here! colleges are small places, news travels fast.. things can get messy. :mad:

that's not to say don't flirt & get to know various female though, all of which will probably boost your confidence, add to your circle of friends & potentially introduce you to their circle of same subject/different college friends - who may be eligible!

i'd also advise that dating a medic is a potentially bad idea.. we're a small school ~150 a year.. & if their college is similar to yours alphabetically then you'll be working in close proximity to them 2/3 times per week!

otherwise, there's the standard sports, socities, clubs etc. so plenty of outside opportunities too by getting involved with things that interest you on a uni level.

with regards to personality - i don't think i consciously set out to 'change' mine - it's just something that's probably happened as a by-product of moving away from home etc. but i suppose you could view it as a fresh start & try & consciously alter a few traits if you wanted!

Also, 1 more thing? How many of u Oxonians (is that how u spell it?) found ur gfs/bfs in Oxford? And how common is it?

meee!

both of my 'serious' bfs have been oxford men.. although 1 i found before i came up here (looong story) there are maybe 3 or so couples in my year at college, then maybe 4 or so where one party is in my year. so i suppose a number do within the "college bubble", ahem.. :p:

but then even more no doubt are seeing people at other colleges. & there have been plenty more 'flings' within college, we have a gossip rag which needs fuel, so..!

i read somewhere about the % of people who meet future spouses at uni.. fairly high. or then, at work, if you're a medic.. *shudder*

but with my experience, people usually come along when you least expect them! so try not to worry to much & just focus on settling in/having fun/having an 'interesting past' & the rest may just happen..

:love:

feel free to go & vomit now..

Reply 15

Elles

well, in your college primarily, but i wouldn't recommend going all out to pick up women here! colleges are small places, news travels fast.. things can get messy. :mad:

there are maybe 3 or so couples in my year at college, then maybe 4 or so where one party is in my year. so i suppose a number do within the "college bubble", ahem.. :p:

but then even more no doubt are seeing people at other colleges. & there have been plenty more 'flings' within college, we have a gossip rag which needs fuel, so..!

Hehe, college relationships! Sometimes they work out, sometimes it all goes horribly wrong. There were a few couples who made it through all of last year, having got together very early in our first term, and then broke up horribly over the summer/on arriving back. Similarly a lot of people with boyfriends/girlfriends from home broke up within the first year. In a way going out with someone in college is good because you can see them whenever you want, you both have the same friends and live fairly close. However, if you then break up, all these factors become hellish, not to mention the fact that some people do like to maintain a bit of an independent personality whilst being with someone!

As for college flings/random pulls though, there are always plenty of them to keep everyone gossiping :smile:

It may not be everyone's style, and on occasion it can also get messy especially when you're friends with the other party involved :redface:

but as long as it's just a bit of fun, no probs.

i'd also advise that dating a medic is a potentially bad idea.. we're a small school ~150 a year.. & if their college is similar to yours alphabetically then you'll be working in close proximity to them 2/3 times per week!

i read somewhere about the % of people who meet future spouses at uni.. fairly high. or then, at work, if you're a medic.. *shudder*

Definitely not a medic in your own college! Never, that's like incest! We have more medics than you do, but still it's a bit too close for comfort. Though telling people you met over the dissection table is always good for a laugh. A general rule is that same college = ok, same subject = ok, but same college and same subject = bad (don't ask me about different college and different subject, it can work, though most of those people met through societies, as far as I am aware)

but with my experience, people usually come along when you least expect them! so try not to worry to much & just focus on settling in/having fun/having an 'interesting past' & the rest may just happen..

The oldest cliché in the book and one of the ones I hate most. I hope it's true, but haven't seen any evidence for it yet. :rolleyes:

The most important thing is NOT to be obsessed with the idea that you have to be in a relationship to be happy (this is one I'm having one hell of a time trying to get rid of) and just have fun. Most people's personalities do change over the time at uni, mine certainly has, definitely for the better. There is so much to do and so much fun to be had without being in a relationship (not that I would mind being quite as sickeningly loved up as Elles :wink:

) that it's really important to enjoy that rather than moping because you're not with someone :biggrin:

Reply 16

scatterbrain

1

Helenia

Similarly a lot of people with boyfriends/girlfriends from home broke up within the first year. In a way going out with someone in college is good because you can see them whenever you want, you both have the same friends and live fairly close.

How do people at Oxford/Cambridge work long-term relationships? Could I just hop on the train and spend a weekend with my bf in term-time :love:

, or would I drown under an absolutely massive work load if I did this?

Reply 17

Elles

scatterbrain

How do people at Oxford/Cambridge work long-term relationships? Could I just hop on the train and spend a weekend with my bf in term-time :love:

, or would I drown under an absolutely massive work load if I did this?

as far as i can see.. the other half visits oxford generally, rather than the other way round.

& to take a whole weekend off i would have to be pulling late nights & not going out at all/playing sport midweek.
but, 'where's there's a will..' etc. :wink:

Reply 18