My english response for question 5 paper 2 gcse aqa english language

Hey guys for some reason I keep struggling with this question. Is it possible to give me a mark out of 40 for this response, with the grade?Thanks.

“Mobile phones are a useful learning tool .Students can access the internet to research topics using their mobiles. It makes sense for schools to allow students to use mobiles in schools.”
write a speech for your school where you give your opinion on the statement.


Mobile phones - how well do we know them? To some they are malevolent,dangerous and deadly devices whilst to others they are useful, widely- available and innovative. Are they really though? Perhaps you would care to differ, or perhaps you may agree with the following. As we delve deeper into the phenomenon we call “mobile phones” ensure you are wearing your helmets as we are about to go on a wild roller coaster ride. A ride that may change your entire life. A ride that may change your perspective. Listener discretion is advised.

Mobile phones, although being very useful for doing research for your homework(not to mention that 100000 word essay your history teacher assigned you, but let's not talk about that) have one aspect that is not justifiable - their cost. Remember that one time you went into the store to buy the latest Iphone 100 (in order to lavish yourself and stimulate your friends to praise you while your enemies spontaneously combust in envy and rage)? Remember talking to the employee, who then charged £10000 for the phone claiming that the phone “is long-lasting”? The next day you happen to drop some diet coke on it and then, to your horror and surprise, it no longer functions? This is ultimately ludicrous. How does this benefit you? It doesn’t. You wasted heaps of money on it. Thousands of innocent people are falling into the same trap. By spending your money on these “useful” devices, you are giving all your money to the malevolent,deceptive and manipulative employees, who are licking their lips and rubbing their hands together rapidly as that precious, beautiful and last dollar is placed into their hands. I think - no I know - this is fraudulent.

Despite these damaging devices being called “innovative”, that is simply a facade to conceal the truth; mobile phones are simply responsible for ripping families apart. Many adolescents spend thousands of hours locked in these jail cells they call “rooms” , scrolling through their tiktok feed and watching videos uploaded by Charli D’Amelio (personally, I do not think she is that great). That mobile phone draws your attention to fake news on the media, and draws you away from your family. You get so hooked, that reality and your virtual life run into each other like paint ; humanity is clearly evolving, but backwards. The mobile phone is like the apple tree that tempted Adam and Eve to eat from it, despite the commands made by God. 68% of families experience neglect by their own children, who spend countless hours in their rooms on their phones. That time wasted that could have been spent with your benevolent family. That time wasted that could have been spent studying for an exam. I don’t understand. Some of you might think it is worth the time, but may I contradict? Please, spend time with your family ; you may see them today but not tomorrow.

Although mobile phones are extremely expensive and aggressively addictive, they are quite useful and to some of us, the cost is quite justifiable. During the thousands of centuries, people did not know what occurred in their surroundings ; they relied deeply on : scrolls written by scientists, lectures etc. Fortunately, for the newer generation , all that information is available to us. A quick Google search issues us with all the relevant information. Do you want to know how to draw an anime character? Done. Do you want to know how to get rid of your annoying, younger brother? Done. It’s all there, at anyplace, anytime. Mobile phones are miniature versions of large, old-school computers, hence making them more portable and allowing you to show off your amazing sparkly phone case to your friends. Unfortunately, you may be in a remote location where you are not getting a signal. You probably have data, right? Perhaps your parents who are rich, rich, rich and care about you dearly can afford that for you, right?

Mobile phones - how well do we know them? We don’t.In conclusion, mobile phones can be a hazardous, addictive and deadly drug which causes you to waste numerous hours - these hours could have been used more wisely. If you waste more time, you don’t socialise with your friends and family. In the future, your communication skills will deteriorate and hence they will be very poor; this means your child does not get the highest, most prestigious occupations and therefore they will not make much money. Would you want them to suffer financially and therefore mentally and physically? You will never be able to support your own families, and that is very ignominious. Additionally, if you spend too much money on mobile phones, you are completely ignorant to the best solution - save your money. By saving your money, you can invest it into something else, for example a successful business; this guarantees you a highest position in society, and your reputation will be excellent. Consider this. These decisions will have greater impacts in the future. If you do not change your habits, future generations will suffer due to your mistakes. So if you really desire a luxurious life, act quick, act now.Schools, please do not implement this into the education system. For all we now, it may already be too late...

i would add more points to the essay but i’d give that a 7 or 8

how many points would you add?

hmm… 27-31. increase it by adding more (points, counterarguments/rebuttals, etc. try to incorporate triplets more)

Hey guys for some reason I keep struggling with this question. Is it possible to give me a mark out of 40 for this response, with the grade?Thanks.
“Mobile phones are a useful learning tool .Students can access the internet to research topics using their mobiles. It makes sense for schools to allow students to use mobiles in schools.”
write a speech for your school where you give your opinion on the statement.
Mobile phones - how well do we know them? To some they are malevolent,dangerous and deadly devices whilst to others they are useful, widely- available and innovative. Are they really though? Perhaps you would care to differ, or perhaps you may agree with the following. As we delve deeper into the phenomenon we call “mobile phones” ensure you are wearing your helmets as we are about to go on a wild roller coaster ride. A ride that may change your entire life. A ride that may change your perspective. Listener discretion is advised.
Mobile phones, although being very useful for doing research for your homework(not to mention that 100000 word essay your history teacher assigned you, but let's not talk about that) have one aspect that is not justifiable - their cost. Remember that one time you went into the store to buy the latest Iphone 100 (in order to lavish yourself and stimulate your friends to praise you while your enemies spontaneously combust in envy and rage)? Remember talking to the employee, who then charged £10000 for the phone claiming that the phone “is long-lasting”? The next day you happen to drop some diet coke on it and then, to your horror and surprise, it no longer functions? This is ultimately ludicrous. How does this benefit you? It doesn’t. You wasted heaps of money on it. Thousands of innocent people are falling into the same trap. By spending your money on these “useful” devices, you are giving all your money to the malevolent,deceptive and manipulative employees, who are licking their lips and rubbing their hands together rapidly as that precious, beautiful and last dollar is placed into their hands. I think - no I know - this is fraudulent.
Despite these damaging devices being called “innovative”, that is simply a facade to conceal the truth; mobile phones are simply responsible for ripping families apart. Many adolescents spend thousands of hours locked in these jail cells they call “rooms” , scrolling through their tiktok feed and watching videos uploaded by Charli D’Amelio (personally, I do not think she is that great). That mobile phone draws your attention to fake news on the media, and draws you away from your family. You get so hooked, that reality and your virtual life run into each other like paint ; humanity is clearly evolving, but backwards. The mobile phone is like the apple tree that tempted Adam and Eve to eat from it, despite the commands made by God. 68% of families experience neglect by their own children, who spend countless hours in their rooms on their phones. That time wasted that could have been spent with your benevolent family. That time wasted that could have been spent studying for an exam. I don’t understand. Some of you might think it is worth the time, but may I contradict? Please, spend time with your family ; you may see them today but not tomorrow.
Although mobile phones are extremely expensive and aggressively addictive, they are quite useful and to some of us, the cost is quite justifiable. During the thousands of centuries, people did not know what occurred in their surroundings ; they relied deeply on : scrolls written by scientists, lectures etc. Fortunately, for the newer generation , all that information is available to us. A quick Google search issues us with all the relevant information. Do you want to know how to draw an anime character? Done. Do you want to know how to get rid of your annoying, younger brother? Done. It’s all there, at anyplace, anytime. Mobile phones are miniature versions of large, old-school computers, hence making them more portable and allowing you to show off your amazing sparkly phone case to your friends. Unfortunately, you may be in a remote location where you are not getting a signal. You probably have data, right? Perhaps your parents who are rich, rich, rich and care about you dearly can afford that for you, right?
Mobile phones - how well do we know them? We don’t.In conclusion, mobile phones can be a hazardous, addictive and deadly drug which causes you to waste numerous hours - these hours could have been used more wisely. If you waste more time, you don’t socialise with your friends and family. In the future, your communication skills will deteriorate and hence they will be very poor; this means your child does not get the highest, most prestigious occupations and therefore they will not make much money. Would you want them to suffer financially and therefore mentally and physically? You will never be able to support your own families, and that is very ignominious. Additionally, if you spend too much money on mobile phones, you are completely ignorant to the best solution - save your money. By saving your money, you can invest it into something else, for example a successful business; this guarantees you a highest position in society, and your reputation will be excellent. Consider this. These decisions will have greater impacts in the future. If you do not change your habits, future generations will suffer due to your mistakes. So if you really desire a luxurious life, act quick, act now.Schools, please do not implement this into the education system. For all we now, it may already be too late...