Should I leave my Best friend?

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Tolive123
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Me and my best friend have now been best friends for 3 years. I don’t think she loves me (as a best friend) anymore. The way she treats me is very different to others. She speaks to me quite rudely and makes comments about me and then goes on to say “it’s a joke” or “it’s because you are my best friend and I’m open with you” but that type of behaviour isn’t exactly a joke or anything you would say to your best friend. Most of the time when I talk to her I feel like she doesn’t really wanna talk and I have discussed this with her but everytime I try and have a conversation about this she starts getting angry and starts shouting/swearing at me telling me to go away which leaves me in tears (and her saying I’m over sensitive and need to stop crying over these little things) so I can’t exactly explain my feelings to her. She does do a lot for me like getting me amazing birthday presents/spending a lot of money but her attitude towards me is a bit nasty and it upsets me very much. She gets triggered/angry at small things and at times I question what I have done wrong for her to shout at me. She had some problems with her boyfriend and says she has anxiety now that’s why she gets angry at small things but it’s only with me and I’m sure it can’t just be because I’m her best friend and she “feels more comfortable to express herself”. I’m just a bit sick or her attitude towards me compared to others and wanna know whether she is toxic for me because I do want to cherish our friendship and try but it’s affecting my mental health a lot especially since I can’t even have an adult conversation with her without her shouting/swearing. Whenever we argue I want to solve it out but she wants to just leave it and pretends like nothing happened. When I try to conversate with her about an argument she says I’m
“carrying on”. I’m not sure if she loves me anymore. She’s said she wants to be my best friend but I really don’t feel she loves me anymore. I’ve had stress induced gastritis because of her attitude (shouting/swearing) and she is aware of this but she still carries on with this attitude towards me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tolive123)
Me and my best friend have now been best friends for 3 years. I don’t think she loves me (as a best friend) anymore. The way she treats me is very different to others. She speaks to me quite rudely and makes comments about me and then goes on to say “it’s a joke” or “it’s because you are my best friend and I’m open with you” but that type of behaviour isn’t exactly a joke or anything you would say to your best friend. Most of the time when I talk to her I feel like she doesn’t really wanna talk and I have discussed this with her but everytime I try and have a conversation about this she starts getting angry and starts shouting/swearing at me telling me to go away which leaves me in tears (and her saying I’m over sensitive and need to stop crying over these little things) so I can’t exactly explain my feelings to her. She does do a lot for me like getting me amazing birthday presents/spending a lot of money but her attitude towards me is a bit nasty and it upsets me very much. She gets triggered/angry at small things and at times I question what I have done wrong for her to shout at me. She had some problems with her boyfriend and says she has anxiety now that’s why she gets angry at small things but it’s only with me and I’m sure it can’t just be because I’m her best friend and she “feels more comfortable to express herself”. I’m just a bit sick or her attitude towards me compared to others and wanna know whether she is toxic for me because I do want to cherish our friendship and try but it’s affecting my mental health a lot especially since I can’t even have an adult conversation with her without her shouting/swearing. Whenever we argue I want to solve it out but she wants to just leave it and pretends like nothing happened. When I try to conversate with her about an argument she says I’m
“carrying on”. I’m not sure if she loves me anymore. She’s said she wants to be my best friend but I really don’t feel she loves me anymore. I’ve had stress induced gastritis because of her attitude (shouting/swearing) and she is aware of this but she still carries on with this attitude towards me.
I would say try and talk to her about this and tell her how you feel, but as you have tried this and she seems to have no care for your feelings, I'd suggest maybe just taking some time away from her, or just distancing yourself from her a bit. I wouldn't recommend cutting her off completely, she may be going through something right now and that could make it so much worse. The fact that she buys you good presents doesn't show that she's a good friend, just a good gift-giver. This friendship doesn't seem like it's a good thing for you and is doing you much more harm than good. You've tried your best, but there has to be effort on both sides. So in short, yes, I think you should stop being her best friend, she does seem like a toxic person.
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Chicken.M.
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Yeah tell her you're cutting her off until she changes her attitude. You've already talked to her about it so nothing else you can do. She's just using you as a punching bag because you haven't set any boundaries with her. She's not going to learn until you get rid of her.

Personally I just ghost annoying people and never look back but you said you still really value the friendship so you can give her a chance and check back with her in a month.
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Mr T 999
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Well if the friendship has turned toxic it may be best to end the friendship.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Tolive123)
Me and my best friend have now been best friends for 3 years. I don’t think she loves me (as a best friend) anymore. The way she treats me is very different to others. She speaks to me quite rudely and makes comments about me and then goes on to say “it’s a joke” or “it’s because you are my best friend and I’m open with you” but that type of behaviour isn’t exactly a joke or anything you would say to your best friend. Most of the time when I talk to her I feel like she doesn’t really wanna talk and I have discussed this with her but everytime I try and have a conversation about this she starts getting angry and starts shouting/swearing at me telling me to go away which leaves me in tears (and her saying I’m over sensitive and need to stop crying over these little things) so I can’t exactly explain my feelings to her. She does do a lot for me like getting me amazing birthday presents/spending a lot of money but her attitude towards me is a bit nasty and it upsets me very much. She gets triggered/angry at small things and at times I question what I have done wrong for her to shout at me. She had some problems with her boyfriend and says she has anxiety now that’s why she gets angry at small things but it’s only with me and I’m sure it can’t just be because I’m her best friend and she “feels more comfortable to express herself”. I’m just a bit sick or her attitude towards me compared to others and wanna know whether she is toxic for me because I do want to cherish our friendship and try but it’s affecting my mental health a lot especially since I can’t even have an adult conversation with her without her shouting/swearing. Whenever we argue I want to solve it out but she wants to just leave it and pretends like nothing happened. When I try to conversate with her about an argument she says I’m
“carrying on”. I’m not sure if she loves me anymore. She’s said she wants to be my best friend but I really don’t feel she loves me anymore. I’ve had stress induced gastritis because of her attitude (shouting/swearing) and she is aware of this but she still carries on with this attitude towards me.
When it comes to relationships with people (romantically or platonically), you need to question is it worth it *now*. People change over time, don't get hung up on what they were look at what they are right now. Sounds like this person in the now causes you a lot more stress and misery than before. Is it worth it only you can decide. If it was me I would just cut her off, end the stress.
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Tolive123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say try and talk to her about this and tell her how you feel, but as you have tried this and she seems to have no care for your feelings, I'd suggest maybe just taking some time away from her, or just distancing yourself from her a bit. I wouldn't recommend cutting her off completely, she may be going through something right now and that could make it so much worse. The fact that she buys you good presents doesn't show that she's a good friend, just a good gift-giver. This friendship doesn't seem like it's a good thing for you and is doing you much more harm than good. You've tried your best, but there has to be effort on both sides. So in short, yes, I think you should stop being her best friend, she does seem like a toxic person.
I have tried to distance myself from her before but I find it so hard because I love her a lot and she means a lot to me. I always end up thinking of the good memories etc I’m just struggling with this
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Tolive123
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Yeah tell her you're cutting her off until she changes her attitude. You've already talked to her about it so nothing else you can do. She's just using you as a punching bag because you haven't set any boundaries with her. She's not going to learn until you get rid of her.

Personally I just ghost annoying people and never look back but you said you still really value the friendship so you can give her a chance and check back with her in a month.
Yeah I’ve told her before that I’m giving you a chance and she just brushes it off and actually laughs because she knows that I won’t do something like that as I’ve tried to distance myself from her before but never end up doing so because she means a lot to me and I think she takes me for granted now
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Tolive123)
Yeah I’ve told her before that I’m giving you a chance and she just brushes it off and actually laughs because she knows that I won’t do something like that as I’ve tried to distance myself from her before but never end up doing so because she means a lot to me and I think she takes me for granted now
lol she's taking the piss. You need to ghost her.

Btw when I say 'give her a chance' I mean, ghost her for atleast a month. Then when you message her again to see if she's still being a ****, that is the 'chance' lol. And if she reacts badly you just carry on ghosting again.

Then you'll find out if she actually values you enough to change, because she can see what her life is like without you.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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Tolive123
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
lol she's taking the piss. You need to ghost her.

Btw when I say 'give her a chance' I mean, ghost her for atleast a month. Then when you message her again to see if she's still being a ****, that is the 'chance' lol. And if she reacts badly you just carry on ghosting again.

Then you'll find out if she actually values you enough to change, because she can see what her life is like without you.
I’ve just completely lost myself because of this, I’m so mentally drained that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Tolive123)
I’ve just completely lost myself because of this, I’m so mentally drained that I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Yeah get rid of her and focus on yourself.
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