I feel like guys will get bored of me if I don't act a certain way

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Anonymous #1
#1
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Whenever I have a thing with a guy I always feel the need to distance myself from him when things get serious. I feel the need to start pursuing other guys, or being distant from him. I'm scared that if I am too clingy that they will grow bored of me, and I am also scared that if I show too much attention to him and he leaves me, then I will look like the idiot.
However this has obviously f***ed many of my relationships. How do I stop doing this. I've tried but find it so difficult
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Chicken.M.
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Yeah you need to work through your emotional issues before you think about relationships lol.
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JAckieee.chan
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If a guy truly loves/likes you, they will never get bored of you. Maybe its just me but clingy girls are the best. Lol.

So just be yourself.
Last edited by JAckieee.chan; 1 month ago
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Final Fantasy
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Tbh a lot of guys will prefer it if you’re clingy. Stop cheating on them and just be yourself rather than being disloyal.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Yeah you need to work through your emotional issues before you think about relationships lol.
Yeah I do. That's why I'm asking for advice on how haha
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CaptainDuckie
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Context needed. You probably have past trauma from previous relationships.

Personally, I don’t think I like it when a girl is too clingy. I prefer having some space to think, and space to myself. Not every guy likes clingy. Not to say that it makes me want to get bored of her though because then that’s just ridiculous.

However, you’re obviously going to have to show him some attention.. that’s what a relationship is about, if you live in denial like this, you wouldn’t make the most of your experiences. If you live your life in fear, that is.
You can’t be scared to get dumped; if that is the case, you probably aren’t even ready for the commitment.

You pursuing other guys is kinda neglecting the idea of love and commitment with one person. Which also suggests you might be looking for something else other than a stable relationship.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JAckieee.chan)
If a guy truly loves/likes you, they will never get bored of you. Maybe its just me but clingy girls are the best. Lol.

So just be yourself.
They don't truly like/love me though
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Tbh a lot of guys will prefer it if you’re clingy. Stop cheating on them and just be yourself rather than being disloyal.
just to clear up I've never cheated on anyone. These were in non-exclusive 'flings'. But when they ask me to be in a relationship I always have to end things because of all of this (I would feel too bad actually cheating I think)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Context needed. You probably have past trauma from previous relationships.

Personally, I don’t think I like it when a girl is too clingy. I prefer having same space to think, and space to myself. Not every guy likes clingy. Not to say that it makes me want to get bored of her though because then that’s just ridiculous.

However, you’re obviously going to have to show him some attention.. that’s what a relationship is about, if you live in denial like this, you wouldn’t make the most of your experiences. If you live your life in fear, that is.
You can’t be scared to get dumped; if that is the case, you probably aren’t even ready for the commitment.

You pursuing other guys might is kinda neglecting the idea of love and commitment with one person. Which also suggests you might be looking for something else other than a stable relationship.
I've never been in a relationship so idk where it comes from

this is helpful, thank you. and I do show them attention. Like for example with this guy at the moment I rlly do like him a lot. I show him a lot of attention, I'm rlly nice etc but sometimes I just think about it and freak out and wonder if he finds me too annoying and then I'll just ghost for 2 days or something and go flirt with some random guy in a bar to make myself feel better. it's really weird.
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JAckieee.chan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
They don't truly like/love me though

just to clear up I've never cheated on anyone. These were in non-exclusive 'flings'. But when they ask me to be in a relationship I always have to end things because of all of this (I would feel too bad actually cheating I think)
Then maybe try to find someone who actually cares for you? Instead of these 'flings/one night stand' ?
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I do. That's why I'm asking for advice on how haha
Well, these kinds of issues usually stem from childhood trauma so might want to think about how your childhood situation shaped the way you are now.

Ngl though I love clingy girls, so there isn't really anything wrong with that tbh lol. I'm clingy af and love cuddling all day and stuff like that.


Also, might want to look into astrology, I learned alot about myself and healed alot of emotional trauma by doing that. (it's more than just sun signs, theres a whole birth chart full of planets in different signs and it's super complicated)
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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ROTL94
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If there's anyone you should be able to be yourself with, it's the person you're in a romantic relationship with, and TBH if I was involved with a woman who behaved like you're describing I wouldn't stick around for long.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by JAckieee.chan)
Then maybe try to find someone who actually cares for you? Instead of these 'flings/one night stand' ?
I've tried but they just don't like me past my looks and my surface personality
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Well, these kinds of issues usually stem from childhood trauma so might want to think about how your childhood situation shaped the way you are now.

Ngl though I love clingy girls, so there isn't really anything wrong with that tbh lol. I'm clingy af and love cuddling all day and stuff like that.


Also, might want to look into astrology, I learned alot about myself and healed alot of emotional trauma by doing that. (it's more than just sun signs, theres a whole birth chart full of planets in different signs and it's super complicated)
Thinking about it properly it is definitely to do with my childhood lol..
And that is sweet, hope you find someone who is ur perfect match
usually I'm not that open to astrology but this sounds quite comforting. do you have any link suggestions or something? x
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've never been in a relationship so idk where it comes from

this is helpful, thank you. and I do show them attention. Like for example with this guy at the moment I rlly do like him a lot. I show him a lot of attention, I'm rlly nice etc but sometimes I just think about it and freak out and wonder if he finds me too annoying and then I'll just ghost for 2 days or something and go flirt with some random guy in a bar to make myself feel better. it's really weird.

Yes. That is really weird.

That’s where trust comes in.

Also you’re saying “you’re really nice” - make sure you’re not too nice, not a lot of guys like that. Some prefer having banter, and a laugh.

If he finds you too annoying, he should probably let you know about that, you will notice changes in his mood which you can then question him on..

Don’t overthink this. The more you start to think negatively, the more it shows in your actions. I doubt he will find you weird for giving him some attention.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
If there's anyone you should be able to be yourself with, it's the person you're in a romantic relationship with, and TBH if I was involved with a woman who behaved like you're describing I wouldn't stick around for long.
1. I don't know how. I'm more 'myself' with complete strangers than people I'm romantically interested in lol
2. fair enough. they don't stick around either, which is why I need to change myself and stop what I'm doing
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Well, these kinds of issues usually stem from childhood trauma so might want to think about how your childhood situation shaped the way you are now.

Ngl though I love clingy girls, so there isn't really anything wrong with that tbh lol. I'm clingy af and love cuddling all day and stuff like that.


Also, might want to look into astrology, I learned alot about myself and healed alot of emotional trauma by doing that. (it's more than just sun signs, theres a whole birth chart full of planets in different signs and it's super complicated)
you just described me lmao. That is so true. For me cuddling feels as good as have sex.
I do not know if I am clingy though since I do not have a partner. But I guess I might be.
But yes, I really love cuddles.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thinking about it properly it is definitely to do with my childhood lol..
And that is sweet, hope you find someone who is ur perfect match
usually I'm not that open to astrology but this sounds quite comforting. do you have any link suggestions or something? x
Dunno if I'm allowed to post links here but astro.com is the best site to get a free birth chart. The site might be a bit confusing to navigate though, PM me if you can't figure it out.

Then once you have your birthchart you can either look at some of the descriptions on the site about you. Or google them and look at the descriptions, for example 'Sun in Aries' 'moon in Taurus' 'Mercury in Leo' 'Sun in 12th house' etc.
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
you just described me lmao. That is so true. For me cuddling feels as good as have sex.
I do not know if I am clingy though since I do not have a partner. But I guess I might be.
But yes, I really love cuddles.
Yeah Idk if I'd call it clingy either because I'm also really independant lol. I just really love cuddling and physical touch in general.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Yes. That is really weird.

That’s where trust comes in.

Also you’re saying “you’re really nice” - make sure you’re not too nice, not a lot of guys like that. Some prefer having banter, and a laugh.

If he finds you too annoying, he should probably let you know about that, you will notice changes in his mood which you can then question him on..

Don’t overthink this. The more you start to think negatively, the more it shows in your actions. I doubt he will find you weird for giving him some attention.
Nah I'm not too nice, bad way of phrasing it, I do have banter with him and whatever. I mean he seems very interested at the moment anyway. It's just that I feel like there's a time limit, like it's the calm before the storm and that I have to get the upper hand whilst I still can.

but I do agree about you what you say. Idk if you'd agree but i think guys are usually quite direct and more simple and if he feels something I suspect he'd say it. I really do need to focus on myself to be honest I just don't know where to start.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Dunno if I'm allowed to post links here but astro.com is the best site to get a free birth chart. The site might be a bit confusing to navigate though, PM me if you can't figure it out.

Then once you have your birthchart you can either look at some of the descriptions on the site about you. Or google them and look at the descriptions, for example 'Sun in Aries' 'moon in Taurus' 'Mercury in Leo' 'Sun in 12th house' etc.
thank you so much I'll look now
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