Should you be honest with friends about feelings for them or should you hide it?

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Anonymous #1
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If you’re really struggling with being rejected by a friend you fell in love with (after asking her out by text), is it better to be honest and talk to her about it or is it better to just ignore it?
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Chicken.M.
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Kind of depends if you're just gonna beg and be really pathetic with her feeling sorry for yourself. If you just need to whine about it to someone it's better to find a different friend to vent to. It would probably be really awkward for the girl that rejected you otherwise.

If she's doing something that you don't like and need to tell her though then it's different. For example if she always talks about boys she likes with you and you don't like it, you could bring it up and tell her to stop. Just one example.

But if you're just gonna vent and whine about how bad you feel because she rejected you, don't do that lol.
Last edited by Chicken.M.; 1 month ago
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Jolhihilhil
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Definitely context is important. Don't try and get her to go out with you for sure. If you think that you need to clear the air around it or that not getting past it is potentially driving a wedge between your friendship then that's understandable.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Kind of depends if you're just gonna beg and be really pathetic with her feeling sorry for yourself. If you just need to whine about it to someone it's better to find a different friend to vent to. It would probably be really awkward for the girl that rejected you otherwise.

If she's doing something that you don't like and need to tell her though then it's different. For example if she always talks about boys she likes with you and you don't like it, you could bring it up and tell her to stop. Just one example.

But if you're just gonna vent and whine about how bad you feel because she rejected you, don't do that lol.
Not really venting and whining. I’ve just never really told her how I feel about her as I asked her out randomly and casually by text. And I feel that she used to like me before. But maybe lost interest as I was too scared to make a move for months. And I still feel like I’m hiding my feelings for her.
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Anonymous #1
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And sometimes I feel like she does still like me too.
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Max1989
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Tell her as closure helps but be prepared to cut all contact, you'll never get the message unless you take away the hope (speaking from experience), this means everything, you don't want to be seeing her in person or online to starve yourself of these feelings until they eventually disappear.

Also if she's already rejected you, don't you think she already knows you like her, it's actually pretty obvious somone likes you if you spend a lot of time with them. She just doesn't like you romantically, yes she might of in the past but who cares she doesn't now and that's all that matters, you can't go back in time.
Last edited by Max1989; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
Tell her as closure helps but be prepared to cut all contact, you'll never get the message unless you take away the hope (speaking from experience), this means everything, you don't want to be seeing her in person or online to starve yourself of these feelings until they eventually disappear.

Also if she's already rejected you, don't you think she already knows you like her, it's actually pretty obvious somone likes you if you spend a lot of time with them. She just doesn't like you romantically, yes she might of in the past but who cares she doesn't now and that's all that matters, you can't go back in time.
Because I feel like she gave me the only chance I’ve ever had in my life to date someone. I always get rejected.
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Max1989
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because I feel like she gave me the only chance I’ve ever had in my life to date someone. I always get rejected.
I understand completely I liked somone for 7 years, asked her out 2 times (be it a 3 year break between) as she was all I had, she definitely did like me for a bit as we held hands a lot and she'd sleep on my shoulder ect... But that wasn't when I asked her out... I was stupid...

But the bottom line is she isn't your only chance to date somone, how old are you? I'm 20 now, and although I haven't dated anyone yet in clubs I acctualy get approached by girls... There really is plenty of fish in the sea you just need to rip yourself from this person and open your wonderful heart to somone else.

Once rejected that's the message to pack your bags, retrying, holding onto hope is desperate and makes you creepy... That isn't going to make her like you more.

I'm trying to just be straight with you as I know completely what it's like and it hurts... I actually had to seek therapy as it was the worst pain I'd ever experienced and still have flashbacks. But at the same time it's EXTREMLY unhealthy to carry on liking her once rejected as nothing you do will change how she feels.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Max1989)
I understand completely I liked somone for 7 years, asked her out 2 times (be it a 3 year break between) as she was all I had, she definitely did like me for a bit as we held hands a lot and she'd sleep on my shoulder ect... But that wasn't when I asked her out... I was stupid...

But the bottom line is she isn't your only chance to date somone, how old are you? I'm 20 now, and although I haven't dated anyone yet in clubs I acctualy get approached by girls... There really is plenty of fish in the sea you just need to rip yourself from this person and open your wonderful heart to somone else.

Once rejected that's the message to pack your bags, retrying, holding onto hope is desperate and makes you creepy... That isn't going to make her like you more.

I'm trying to just be straight with you as I know completely what it's like and it hurts... I actually had to seek therapy as it was the worst pain I'd ever experienced and still have flashbacks. But at the same time it's EXTREMLY unhealthy to carry on liking her once rejected as nothing you do will change how she feels.
Did you ever find out why she rejected you? Sometimes asking twice does work. I know people who got rejected first time and got a yes the second time round.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you’re really struggling with being rejected by a friend you fell in love with (after asking her out by text), is it better to be honest and talk to her about it or is it better to just ignore it?
If she's a friend, don't ask her out on a date. Arrange or get someone else to arrange a social event where you and her will be there. A birthday party, a barbecue, watching a football match on a large screen TV together, game of rounders in the park, doubles tennis, group going out for drinks etc.

When you are together with her, flirt. And take the lead in escalating towards a romantic / sexual relationship.
Do this in the right way and she will be in no doubt that you are interested in her.
However it's better to leave her in some doubt as to whether you would be her boyfriend or not. Which should be the reality of the situation. Because you could find out - for example - that she's a terrible kisser and therefore she's the sort of person you'd rather keep as a good platonic friend instead of being your girlfriend. Or you could find out that she's a bit too boring and unadventurous for you. Or any other number of deal breakers.

Do not tell her that you love her or want her to be your girlfriend. Because that will come over as too needy and desperate.
Do let her know that you find her attractive / charming / sweet / desirable / funny. Try to let her know in the right kind of way. One that comes from the basis of "I'm OK, you're OK."
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Max1989
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Did you ever find out why she rejected you? Sometimes asking twice does work. I know people who got rejected first time and got a yes the second time round.
Well she just didn't like me in that way...that's all that matters...and I'm 100% sure my unwillingness to give up was factor in it although I wasn't clingy or annoying about it but I obviously still had feelings (we still remained good friends but I was always holding onto hope so now I've cut her completely off as it was disastrous for my mental health). And of course that can happen but it's rare and wouldn't ever pursue someone who has rejected me again, it's absolute soul destroying and certainly will be a good few more years when I finally can say I'm free of what it's done to me.

To me asking twice just seems really desperate and needy, yes maybe if a few years have passed it's possible for her to catch feelings for you, but why bother for a few years when you might find someone who's actually better for you tomorrow.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
If she's a friend, don't ask her out on a date. Arrange or get someone else to arrange a social event where you and her will be there. A birthday party, a barbecue, watching a football match on a large screen TV together, game of rounders in the park, doubles tennis, group going out for drinks etc.

When you are together with her, flirt. And take the lead in escalating towards a romantic / sexual relationship.
Do this in the right way and she will be in no doubt that you are interested in her.
However it's better to leave her in some doubt as to whether you would be her boyfriend or not. Which should be the reality of the situation. Because you could find out - for example - that she's a terrible kisser and therefore she's the sort of person you'd rather keep as a good platonic friend instead of being your girlfriend. Or you could find out that she's a bit too boring and unadventurous for you. Or any other number of deal breakers.

Do not tell her that you love her or want her to be your girlfriend. Because that will come over as too needy and desperate.
Do let her know that you find her attractive / charming / sweet / desirable / funny. Try to let her know in the right kind of way. One that comes from the basis of "I'm OK, you're OK."
We already do flirt and go for dinner etc. But nothing ever happens.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We already do flirt and go for dinner etc. But nothing ever happens.
Do you take the lead in escalating towards sex?

And if you do, when you do so when she responds in a positive way, do you solve the logistical problems of when and where sex can happen between the 2 of you?

Do you do these things in a socially calibrated way that doesn't make her feel cheap or slutty? Or appear to be cheap in front of her friends?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Do you take the lead in escalating towards sex?

And if you do, when you do so when she responds in a positive way, do you solve the logistical problems of when and where sex can happen between the 2 of you?

Do you do these things in a socially calibrated way that doesn't make her feel cheap or slutty? Or appear to be cheap in front of her friends?
No and no. What would be cheap or slutty?
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Chicken.M.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No and no. What would be cheap or slutty?
Extreme example: the way Ali G talks about his girlfriend in front of other people.
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