Marrying from back home

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I don’t like the concept of marrying a man from back home (South Asian background)
My reasons are:
- Upbringings are different
-language barriers
-scared that he will have a typical/backwards mindset
- He might use me for a nationality

What should I do?
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
then dont?? Unless im guessing you're getting a forced marriage which is sad

my uncles married from back home (somalia), but then again, they moved to the UK midway through their life so a lot of their norms were from somali at the time and plus, our family is pretty somali culture orientated. They've been married for like 10 year now and my aunts (aka uncles wives) have become more modern. They've learnt english and are probably more sophisticated than me lol and i was born here.

idk about the mindset and visa part lol, my family pretty much loves the backwards 'women go kitchen, men go work' mindset so i cant speak for that and about the visa, hm probably happened in my uncles case. I mean he married a distant relative so im assuming they all just did eachother favours, her marry him, he gets her a VISA. All in all it worked out i think

This didnt really answer your question but i like to share my personal experiences. We need more context to answer i guess. You could always marry a south asian from the U.K. if you HAVE to marry a south asian.
0
reply
Justaboutalive
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Why are you worrying about this? Is it something that is likely to happen?
Last edited by Justaboutalive; 1 month ago
0
reply
Kerzen
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t like the concept of marrying a man from back home (South Asian background)
My reasons are:
- Upbringings are different
-language barriers
-scared that he will have a typical/backwards mindset
- He might use me for a nationality

What should I do?
What is happening? Is what you have described happening to you at the moment?
0
reply
urlocalinmate
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
I don't want to marry a Pakistani-born person (woman in my case), my parents are so restrictive but I will get what I want. This is your life, not your parent's... Language barriers, cultural differeces, inability to adapt to life in England, homesickness (is that even a word) are the reasons why I can't. Nothing against them personally though. My dad thinks there aren't enough Pakistanis in the UK to choose from even though I always see them out and about every single day. It's like he wants me to live the same boring life as him.
Last edited by urlocalinmate; 1 month ago
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
then dont?? Unless im guessing you're getting a forced marriage which is sad

my uncles married from back home (somalia), but then again, they moved to the UK midway through their life so a lot of their norms were from somali at the time and plus, our family is pretty somali culture orientated. They've been married for like 10 year now and my aunts (aka uncles wives) have become more modern. They've learnt english and are probably more sophisticated than me lol and i was born here.

idk about the mindset and visa part lol, my family pretty much loves the backwards 'women go kitchen, men go work' mindset so i cant speak for that and about the visa, hm probably happened in my uncles case. I mean he married a distant relative so im assuming they all just did eachother favours, her marry him, he gets her a VISA. All in all it worked out i think

This didnt really answer your question but i like to share my personal experiences. We need more context to answer i guess. You could always marry a south asian from the U.K. if you HAVE to marry a south asian.
Thanks for sharing your experiences
I want to marry from here but I just cannot find anyone

(Original post by Justaboutalive)
Why are you worrying about this? Is it something that is likely to happen?
(Original post by Kerzen)
What is happening? Is what you have described happening to you at the moment?
It could be a possibility but I don’t want to get pressured to marry from back home.
(Original post by urlocalinmate)
I don't want to marry a Pakistani-born person (woman in my case), my parents are so restrictive but I will get what I want. This is your life, not your parent's... Language barriers, cultural differeces, inability to adapt to life in England, homesickness (is that even a word) are the reasons why I can't. Nothing against them personally though. My dad thinks there aren't enough Pakistanis in the UK to choose from even though I always see them out and about every single day. It's like he wants me to live the same boring life as him.
This is exactly the sort of thing I think about. I just cannot imagine the hassle and boredom with marrying a man from the homeland. I don’t get why parents don’t understand that UK born kids are not likely to get along or vibe with someone from a different country/language/mindset. Just gets me so annoyed.
1
reply
Kerzen
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for sharing your experiences
I want to marry from here but I just cannot find anyone



It could be a possibility but I don’t want to get pressured to marry from back home.

This is exactly the sort of thing I think about. I just cannot imagine the hassle and boredom with marrying a man from the homeland. I don’t get why parents don’t understand that UK born kids are not likely to get along or vibe with someone from a different country/language/mindset. Just gets me so annoyed.
There is help out there, if you should ever need it.

https://www.haloproject.org.uk/need-help-W21page-39

https://www.gov.uk/stop-forced-marriage

https://assets.publishing.service.go...riagecard2.pdf
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
Thank you! I will save these
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
Just to be clear I am not getting forced.
I just have some reservations about the the cultural/language barriers etc
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Forced marriages are illegal in the UK. I've been in a similar situation and she was only interested in a visa to get indefinite leave to remain in the UK. Avoid at all costs (literally, it will cost you a lot of money!). If your parents are religious you can get an Imam involved advise that your marriage partner must be your own choice and not pressured or forced.

Alternatively, you can go through with it and then contact the Home Office and let them know you do not wish to sponsor the visa. It will be anonymous.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Forced marriages are illegal in the UK. I've been in a similar situation and she was only interested in a visa to get indefinite leave to remain in the UK. Avoid at all costs (literally, it will cost you a lot of money!). If your parents are religious you can get an Imam involved advise that your marriage partner must be your own choice and not pressured or forced.
Yeah I’m aware

Was it from a south Asian background
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I’m aware

Was it from a south Asian background
Yes, Pakistan.

Alternatively, you can go through with it and then contact the Home Office and let them know you do not wish to sponsor the visa. It will be anonymous. They will reject the application and will not give them a reason.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Yes, Pakistan.

Alternatively, you can go through with it and then contact the Home Office and let them know you do not wish to sponsor the visa. It will be anonymous. They will reject the application and will not give them a reason.
I’m also Pakistani
Thank you for advice.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m also Pakistani
Thank you for advice.
No worries. Note: I have been through this process at least once, almost twice. Major red flags nowadays to marrying abroad - don't risk it. The solicitors I've all talked to and other people agree this is a common loophole where the foreign spouse will come to the country and then claim their life is in danger. This grants them indefinite leave to remain in the UK. I strongly advise against it.

You should only marry someone within the UK or EU or developed nations where visa time and costs aren't an issue. If you do get married, only get a Nikkah, don't register the wedding otherwise the divorce can rack up so many costs and legal issues and drag on for years.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
Hiiii. As a Pakistani even me as a teenager am seeing your conflict within yourself.
Honestly it depends on the person. Though I wouldn’t recommend marrying from back home, their mentality is usually different and their more traditional as well as they usually go towards the traditional route and soon you’ll be living with your mother and father In law taking care of them (unless you want to do that), but there’s defo more negatives, however not all of the men are like this but most I’ve seen are.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
No worries. Note: I have been through this process at least once, almost twice. Major red flags nowadays to marrying abroad - don't risk it. The solicitors I've all talked to and other people agree this is a common loophole where the foreign spouse will come to the country and then claim their life is in danger. This grants them indefinite leave to remain in the UK. I strongly advise against it.

You should only marry someone within the UK or EU or developed nations where visa time and costs aren't an issue.
That is deceptive. Yeah I always have that niggling fear in the back of my mind that someone from back home might have the motive of only coming for a visa.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
That is deceptive. Yeah I always have that niggling fear in the back of my mind that someone from back home might have the motive of only coming for a visa.
If you do get married, only get a Nikkah i.e. Islamic marriage to fulfull the obligations of your faith, don't register the wedding otherwise the divorce can rack up so many costs and legal issues and drag on for years.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#18
Report 1 month ago
#18
(Original post by Anonymous)
That is deceptive. Yeah I always have that niggling fear in the back of my mind that someone from back home might have the motive of only coming for a visa.
Not Pakistani myself but I would never marry someone from my home country because of course they will want to marry me for a visa and nothing else. Just don't do it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#19
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#19
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
If you do get married, only get a Nikkah i.e. Islamic marriage to fulfull the obligations of your faith, don't register the wedding otherwise the divorce can rack up so many costs and legal issues and drag on for years.
Is it legal to not register a marriage?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#20
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hiiii. As a Pakistani even me as a teenager am seeing your conflict within yourself.
Honestly it depends on the person. Though I wouldn’t recommend marrying from back home, their mentality is usually different and their more traditional as well as they usually go towards the traditional route and soon you’ll be living with your mother and father In law taking care of them (unless you want to do that), but there’s defo more negatives, however not all of the men are like this but most I’ve seen are.
Hi, I agree. Some are very cultural which I don’t really like
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Poll: What factors affect your mental health most right now? Post-lockdown edition

Anxiousness about restrictions easing (30)
5.23%
Uncertainty around my education (67)
11.67%
Uncertainty around my future career prospects (66)
11.5%
Lack of purpose or motivation (75)
13.07%
Lack of support system (eg. teachers, counsellors, delays in care) (33)
5.75%
Impact lockdown had on physical health (30)
5.23%
Social worries (incl. loneliness/making friends) (61)
10.63%
Financial worries (36)
6.27%
Concern about myself or my loves ones getting/having been ill (23)
4.01%
Exposure to negative news/social media (34)
5.92%
Difficulty accessing real life entertainment (15)
2.61%
Lack of confidence in making big life decisions (57)
9.93%
Worry about missed opportunities during the pandemic (47)
8.19%

Watched Threads

View All