What should I do about this?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Simply put me and my gf have been together for around 5 months. Lately I'm not able to see her for a few weeks. About 3 weeks ago and prior should always send me really sweet messages, like how she misses me, can't wait to see me, especially one time before where we had to wait 3-4 weeks.

Lately however that's gone down to 0. Over the past 3 weeks she doesn't send any messages like that at all anymore. I probably shouldn't have but I asked her do you miss me?

She said "what do you mean?" and I explain well you don't really say stuff like that anymore and since I'm the only one that talks about it I don't really like how it feels.

She got pretty angry at this and kicked off saying you don't think I miss you because I don't talk about it etc. but I try to kindly explain that it isn't she rarely talks about it, she never talks about it lately. Told her how it makes it feel one sided, like I'm needy or even unwanted.

She says she doesn't have time for that because she's too busy and it doesn't mean she doesn't miss me. What I try to point out is you know tell me that even someone working full time will find even one moment to say something like that over the course of a few weeks. She instead got really angry and defensive saying I don't trust her and all that which isn't true. I just try to explain nicely my feelings and why I feel like that, in the hopes she'll at least understand my perspective, how changing from 100 to 0 so quickly is going to make me feel a way.

It ended up with just her having an outburst saying "I don't ****ing care anymore! Why am I always in the ****!" to which I explain I'm not trying to anger you or put you in the **** but just talk to you about how I feel in hopes you understand. I got left on read, I'm afraid what to do next, I'm just even more sad now because I don't want to upset her and I'm afraid she'll not like me so much. Do I leave her to calm down, not talk about this ever again?
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Anonymous #2
#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Simply put me and my gf have been together for around 5 months. Lately I'm not able to see her for a few weeks. About 3 weeks ago and prior should always send me really sweet messages, like how she misses me, can't wait to see me, especially one time before where we had to wait 3-4 weeks.

Lately however that's gone down to 0. Over the past 3 weeks she doesn't send any messages like that at all anymore. I probably shouldn't have but I asked her do you miss me?

She said "what do you mean?" and I explain well you don't really say stuff like that anymore and since I'm the only one that talks about it I don't really like how it feels.

She got pretty angry at this and kicked off saying you don't think I miss you because I don't talk about it etc. but I try to kindly explain that it isn't she rarely talks about it, she never talks about it lately. Told her how it makes it feel one sided, like I'm needy or even unwanted.

She says she doesn't have time for that because she's too busy and it doesn't mean she doesn't miss me. What I try to point out is you know tell me that even someone working full time will find even one moment to say something like that over the course of a few weeks. She instead got really angry and defensive saying I don't trust her and all that which isn't true. I just try to explain nicely my feelings and why I feel like that, in the hopes she'll at least understand my perspective, how changing from 100 to 0 so quickly is going to make me feel a way.

It ended up with just her having an outburst saying "I don't ****ing care anymore! Why am I always in the ****!" to which I explain I'm not trying to anger you or put you in the **** but just talk to you about how I feel in hopes you understand. I got left on read, I'm afraid what to do next, I'm just even more sad now because I don't want to upset her and I'm afraid she'll not like me so much. Do I leave her to calm down, not talk about this ever again?
Break up man she has lost interest; probably cheating on you as well as people get angry to hide the fact that they are guilty. Even if she is still faithful to you, I would still say you should dump her because I do not think that a foul-mouthed outburst is the right way to deal with this. You are not at fault so please do not apologise to her.
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Delajore
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#3
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if u are able to meet up with her in person and talk face to face about it all, don't just ignore it and pretend it did not happen. it more impersonal and distant if you only communicate through text and calls
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CaptainDuckie
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#4
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Tbh... at the start of the relationship or what not, we all know that it’s generally cringe. As the relationship progresses, all that cringey stuff starts to lose value if it’s not said with genuine intentions..

Sure, I do think you are right in getting upset or what not, but I don’t think that necessarily means that she has lost interest in you per say.

I do think how she reacted at you though was defensive because of that. It does seem like you don’t trust her, since you’re constantly seeking validation. I’d respect if it went from 100 to 70, but to 0 seems like point of no marginal returns.
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Tbh... at the start of the relationship or what not, we all know that it’s generally cringe. As the relationship progresses, all that cringey stuff starts to lose value if it’s not said with genuine intentions..

Sure, I do think you are right in getting upset or what not, but I don’t think that necessarily means that she has lost interest in you per say.

I do think how she reacted at you though was defensive because of that. It does seem like you don’t trust her, since you’re constantly seeking validation. I’d respect if it went from 100 to 70, but to 0 seems like point of no marginal returns.
That's my point I'm trying to tell how how 0 makes me feel. You're right at the start it is overdone and a bit much, but i'm just trying to ask her for a little bit. Not sure how to go about it without her getting angry like this. I'm not good with words.
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CaptainDuckie
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's my point I'm trying to tell how how 0 makes me feel. You're right at the start it is overdone and a bit much, but i'm just trying to ask her for a little bit. Not sure how to go about it without her getting angry like this. I'm not good with words.

Different girls deal with things differently.

You can’t expect her to tell you things through words every time, maybe she just feels more comfortable around you now and thinks you have the reassurance.

Ngl I do think you’re acting a bit out of line there. You should’ve even initiated the conversation first to see her reaction instead of directly trying to draw her out because it does seem like you are doing that, even if you don’t actually mean it..

I don’t think you should break up with her because of this though because that is absolutely ridiculous.
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Different girls deal with things differently.

You can’t expect her to tell you things through words every time, maybe she just feels more comfortable around you now and thinks you have the reassurance.

Ngl I do think you’re acting a bit out of line there. You should’ve even initiated the conversation first to see her reaction instead of directly trying to draw her out because it does seem like you are doing that, even if you don’t actually mean it..

I don’t think you should break up with her because of this though because that is absolutely ridiculous.
You're right i'm moreso afraid of her breaking up with me. She probably does have that comfort by now she said at one bit "I don't need to say that stuff cause I know we'll see each other again". I'm more wondering how I can make it up to her, I've obviously upset her and even if it's not intentional or not my fault I want to be able to work things out with her. Should I leave her alone until she wants to talk again, or send something?
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CaptainDuckie
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You're right i'm moreso afraid of her breaking up with me. She probably does have that comfort by now she said at one bit "I don't need to say that stuff cause I know we'll see each other again". I'm more wondering how I can make it up to her, I've obviously upset her and even if it's not intentional or not my fault I want to be able to work things out with her. Should I leave her alone until she wants to talk again, or send something?

Exactly man. I think you should give her space, for now.. let the heated moment die down for a bit.. then you can then begin to just explain that you felt sad about the messages not coming through etc but you understand that she values actions over words.


From there, she should agree with you and things will go back to normal. I doubt she’ll move on from you because of this misunderstanding, but she definitely needs some space.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Exactly man. I think you should give her space, for now.. let the heated moment die down for a bit.. then you can then begin to just explain that you felt sad about the messages not coming through etc but you understand that she values actions over words.


From there, she should agree with you and things will go back to normal. I doubt she’ll move on from you because of this misunderstanding, but she definitely needs some space.
Update I was chilling in a vc with a friend and she just randomly joined. She is acting like nothing has happened. I'm just hella confused now what do I do it feels weird to just ignore I upset her.
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CaptainDuckie
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Update I was chilling in a vc with a friend and she just randomly joined. She is acting like nothing has happened. I'm just hella confused now what do I do it feels weird to just ignore I upset her.

Loooool. Wait.

Just act normal, then after you can talk? Seems like she’s okay now/ less heated..
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Loooool. Wait.

Just act normal, then after you can talk? Seems like she’s okay now/ less heated..
Yeah she seems ok now but damn it feels really weird the way she just chilling here like everythings great. I can try act normal, but lowkey not sure how she'll react when I ask about it afterwards. My whole problem here is she doesn't tell me what shes thinking and shes doing just that now. Got feeling she won't like me bringing it up so i'll try be apologetic.
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CaptainDuckie
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah she seems ok now but damn it feels really weird the way she just chilling here like everythings great. I can try act normal, but lowkey not sure how she'll react when I ask about it afterwards. My whole problem here is she doesn't tell me what shes thinking and shes doing just that now. Got feeling she won't like me bringing it up so i'll try be apologetic.

I think she needs to realise you don’t like that tbh. Ah man, you see, she doesn’t like stress sure but that’s like almost inevitable when it comes to a relationship and it’s probably less stressful to address your issues early on. That’s what communication is there for.

Yeah, probably just try being apologetic because she’s probably going through a hard time and so are you tbh so make sure you still address your issues in a subtle and non-confrontational way. She should get the memo, it’s either she understands or ignores you.

Right now, she seems to be playing the “ignoring him” game that people play when they hate someone for the short term lol
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
I think she needs to realise you don’t like that tbh. Ah man, you see, she doesn’t like stress sure but that’s like almost inevitable when it comes to a relationship and it’s probably less stressful to address your issues early on. That’s what communication is there for.

Yeah, probably just try being apologetic because she’s probably going through a hard time and so are you tbh so make sure you still address your issues in a subtle and non-confrontational way. She should get the memo, it’s either she understands or ignores you.

Right now, she seems to be playing the “ignoring him” game that people play when they hate someone for the short term lol
Thanks dude your advice worked I apologised an hour after she left and she said the way I expressed it left her reading it wrong and interpreting it wrong making her upset, she apologised for that. Safe to say it worked out and she seems happier again. You a king with that dedication to advice on this thread.
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CaptainDuckie
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks dude your advice worked I apologised an hour after she left and she said the way I expressed it left her reading it wrong and interpreting it wrong making her upset, she apologised for that. Safe to say it worked out and she seems happier again. You a king with that dedication to advice on this thread.

lol damn
This actually made my day hearing that. Very glad it helped, keep doing what you’re doing man. :yy:

Far from a king man lol
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Anonymous #3
#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Simply put me and my gf have been together for around 5 months. Lately I'm not able to see her for a few weeks. About 3 weeks ago and prior should always send me really sweet messages, like how she misses me, can't wait to see me, especially one time before where we had to wait 3-4 weeks.

Lately however that's gone down to 0. Over the past 3 weeks she doesn't send any messages like that at all anymore. I probably shouldn't have but I asked her do you miss me?

She said "what do you mean?" and I explain well you don't really say stuff like that anymore and since I'm the only one that talks about it I don't really like how it feels.

She got pretty angry at this and kicked off saying you don't think I miss you because I don't talk about it etc. but I try to kindly explain that it isn't she rarely talks about it, she never talks about it lately. Told her how it makes it feel one sided, like I'm needy or even unwanted.

She says she doesn't have time for that because she's too busy and it doesn't mean she doesn't miss me. What I try to point out is you know tell me that even someone working full time will find even one moment to say something like that over the course of a few weeks. She instead got really angry and defensive saying I don't trust her and all that which isn't true. I just try to explain nicely my feelings and why I feel like that, in the hopes she'll at least understand my perspective, how changing from 100 to 0 so quickly is going to make me feel a way.

It ended up with just her having an outburst saying "I don't ****ing care anymore! Why am I always in the ****!" to which I explain I'm not trying to anger you or put you in the **** but just talk to you about how I feel in hopes you understand. I got left on read, I'm afraid what to do next, I'm just even more sad now because I don't want to upset her and I'm afraid she'll not like me so much. Do I leave her to calm down, not talk about this ever again?
Nah you did the right thing letting her know how you feel, the way you feel is valid in a relationship and the reaction your partner has towards your feelings should be a sign for you too, like you shouldn’t have to feel bad for letting your partner know how you feel, communication is key in a relationship, you did the right thing, I suggest you let her be and give her time to reach out, sometimes we don’t realise how we doing or dealing with things, but surely with time things get clear
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