is my parents drinking a problem or am i selfish?

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Anonymous #1
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My mum and stepdad drink a few glasses of wine/beer every evening (which is common) and doesn’t normally make them drunk or tipsy. However, there are times where me and my partner are going somewhere and staying till late and would need a lift home (as i can’t drive) and they decide to drink so much they can no longer drive (even though they know i’ll be needing a lift) and it happens so often it’s getting frustrating. I usually have to try and find a bus home or call my partners siblings/parents to try and take us. On my birthday, my mum drove me 20ish minutes to our nearest city to have dinner with my bf. It was all planned that she was going to pick us up after (which would’ve been at around 8pm). I texted her to say we’re ready to be picked up and she said “oh sorry we’ve had too many drinks you’ll have to find a bus”…. there was 1 bus left that we had to run to after having a big meal and i was not happy. am i being selfish? or should they have just 1 night of not drinking so much so that they can take their own daughter home?
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Becky2305
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum and stepdad drink a few glasses of wine/beer every evening (which is common) and doesn’t normally make them drunk or tipsy. However, there are times where me and my partner are going somewhere and staying till late and would need a lift home (as i can’t drive) and they decide to drink so much they can no longer drive (even though they know i’ll be needing a lift) and it happens so often it’s getting frustrating. I usually have to try and find a bus home or call my partners siblings/parents to try and take us. On my birthday, my mum drove me 20ish minutes to our nearest city to have dinner with my bf. It was all planned that she was going to pick us up after (which would’ve been at around 8pm). I texted her to say we’re ready to be picked up and she said “oh sorry we’ve had too many drinks you’ll have to find a bus”…. there was 1 bus left that we had to run to after having a big meal and i was not happy. am i being selfish? or should they have just 1 night of not drinking so much so that they can take their own daughter home?
Depends how old you are...I don't think you should expect a lift everywhere if you're an adult; you're capable of making your own way somewhere/home and you shouldn't rely on them all the time.
If they verbally promised to pick you up however, that is a bit unfair. They should let you know they've had too much to drink before you say you're ready to be picked up so you can plan your way home, or they should just not promise.
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black tea
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If you are old enough to have a partner, you are probably old enough to be able to make your own way home.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by black tea)
If you are old enough to have a partner, you are probably old enough to be able to make your own way home.
been like this for years though :/ i’m 18 now and i understand i should be able to drive and make my own way around but covid means i can’t take my driving test and i’m more annoyed about the unprepared part of it. if i know before hand that i’m getting the bus, it’s fine, but if i’m waiting outside expecting her to get me (especially if she’s already said she will) and then i get told to make my own way home, it seems a bit dickish
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Becky2305)
Depends how old you are...I don't think you should expect a lift everywhere if you're an adult; you're capable of making your own way somewhere/home and you shouldn't rely on them all the time.
If they verbally promised to pick you up however, that is a bit unfair. They should let you know they've had too much to drink before you say you're ready to be picked up so you can plan your way home, or they should just not promise.
recently turned 18 so i know i’m old enough and should be driving myself, but covid has made it very difficult to get a driving test and buses have been reduced. however this has been happening for the past few years, and when they’re the only driving adult who you know, it’s hard to quickly plan a different way home.
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black tea
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(Original post by Anonymous)
been like this for years though :/ i’m 18 now and i understand i should be able to drive and make my own way around but covid means i can’t take my driving test and i’m more annoyed about the unprepared part of it. if i know before hand that i’m getting the bus, it’s fine, but if i’m waiting outside expecting her to get me (especially if she’s already said she will) and then i get told to make my own way home, it seems a bit dickish
Idk, I've never relied on parents to give me lifts so I find this a bit difficult to relate to. But I can see why it's annoying, I guess. Perhaps just expect that you will have to get the bus and then it will be less frustrating when your parents can't drive you?
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bones-mccoy
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You are being selfish imo. You're an adult, you shouldn't be relying on lifts all the time. Covid has delayed my driving test as well but I've been managing just fine using public transport or Uber, ultimately if I know I'm going to struggle getting to or from somewhere then I change my plans or go somewhere different.

If they've promised to pick you up then your frustrations are valid and I understand it must be annoying, but it does seem that you expect your mum and stepdad to plan their lives around yours.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 1 month ago
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Final Fantasy
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If you’re an adult, your parents are not obligated to be your personal chauffeur.
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ALingwood
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I'm a parent, I wouldn't expect to be at their every beck and call, although I don't drink very often anyway. If they have agreed to pick you up before hand and then drink anyway, that's pretty harsh. But also, If I wanted a drink, I'd just say no. There have been times where it has been the safer option to pick them up so I have purposely not drank. Swings and roundabouts in my opinion. You need to be there for your kids, but also you need your own life too, so you should find a happy balance. I don't think drinking every night is that common either, sounds like maybe they have a problem, you should maybe consider that before judging them? It can be difficult to talk to people with potential drinking problems, especially your parents, I imagine they will think your acting privileged, maybe you should consider passing your driving test? It will stand you in good stead anyway, passing my test was life changing and made a huge difference to my career prospects.
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mathperson
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum and stepdad drink a few glasses of wine/beer every evening (which is common) and doesn’t normally make them drunk or tipsy. However, there are times where me and my partner are going somewhere and staying till late and would need a lift home (as i can’t drive) and they decide to drink so much they can no longer drive (even though they know i’ll be needing a lift) and it happens so often it’s getting frustrating. I usually have to try and find a bus home or call my partners siblings/parents to try and take us. On my birthday, my mum drove me 20ish minutes to our nearest city to have dinner with my bf. It was all planned that she was going to pick us up after (which would’ve been at around 8pm). I texted her to say we’re ready to be picked up and she said “oh sorry we’ve had too many drinks you’ll have to find a bus”…. there was 1 bus left that we had to run to after having a big meal and i was not happy. am i being selfish? or should they have just 1 night of not drinking so much so that they can take their own daughter home?
It sounds as though they have a drinking problem. So yeah, it is a problem.
And no you're not being selfish by expecting people to do what they said they would do.

How you handle it on the other hand will require tact.
In reality, it is probably easier to get out as soon as you can (if you haven't already) and leave them to drink themselves to oblivion.

My mother and step father is/were alcoholics.
I have had nothing to do with them for about 12 years.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ALingwood)
I'm a parent, I wouldn't expect to be at their every beck and call, although I don't drink very often anyway. If they have agreed to pick you up before hand and then drink anyway, that's pretty harsh. But also, If I wanted a drink, I'd just say no. There have been times where it has been the safer option to pick them up so I have purposely not drank. Swings and roundabouts in my opinion. You need to be there for your kids, but also you need your own life too, so you should find a happy balance. I don't think drinking every night is that common either, sounds like maybe they have a problem, you should maybe consider that before judging them? It can be difficult to talk to people with potential drinking problems, especially your parents, I imagine they will think your acting privileged, maybe you should consider passing your driving test? It will stand you in good stead anyway, passing my test was life changing and made a huge difference to my career prospects.
I’ve been trying to pass my test for months however covid hasn’t made it easy. However i assumed it was normal to drink everyday as most of my parents friends drink too. It’s usually a few glasses of wine every night, sometimes beer too. Is that bad?
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DiddyDec
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Get a bicycle.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by bones-mccoy)
You are being selfish imo. You're an adult, you shouldn't be relying on lifts all the time. Covid has delayed my driving test as well but I've been managing just fine using public transport or Uber, ultimately if I know I'm going to struggle getting to or from somewhere then I change my plans or go somewhere different.

If they've promised to pick you up then your frustrations are valid and I understand it must be annoying, but it does seem that you expect your mum and stepdad to plan their lives around yours.
I don’t have money to just get taxis every time I want to see friends and family. My mum has said in the past that she loves being generous and doing things for others so it’s not the fact she’s having to going out to pick me up that’s the issue, it’s the fact she won’t be able to drink. She’s happy to take me to places if I need to be somewhere/do something. But if it’s any later than 6:00pm, she’ll tell me to make my own way home. I understand they’re their own people and have their own lives, but their lives literally just consist of sitting in front of the TV drinking 5 glasses of wine every night and then going to bed at 10. It’s just sad to me that once in a while if their child needs picking up, the same drink they have every night seems more important. It’s not like they taxi me every day on command, I do get buses and get lifts from other people, it’s just sometimes they’re the only people who can pick me up (for example if the buses have stopped running and i have no money for taxis) and when they refuse purely so they can have wine AGAIN, it’s just disappointing.
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Anonymous #1
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what’s the difference if i said i was 17 then? do people think you go through a magical change when you turn 18 when suddenly you can do everything yourself? :/ i’m still dependent on my parents (like most teenagers) and live in quite a rural area, i think it’s fine for me to get lifts from them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiddyDec)
Get a bicycle.
I live in a rural area, biking down some of the country roads where i live would be suicide.
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StriderHort
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Pretty selfish yea, take some responsibility for your own travel imo.
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Anonymous #1
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what if i was 15? would it make a difference then?
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DiddyDec
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I live in a rural area, biking down some of the country roads where i live would be suicide.
I grew up the countryside with tractors laiden with potatoes on the roads, cycling was never an issue.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DiddyDec)
I grew up the countryside with tractors laiden with potatoes on the roads, cycling was never an issue.
But i’m saying it is for me. people doing 50mph on very narrow busy roads. i’m not risking my life.
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t have money to just get taxis every time I want to see friends and family. My mum has said in the past that she loves being generous and doing things for others so it’s not the fact she’s having to going out to pick me up that’s the issue, it’s the fact she won’t be able to drink. She’s happy to take me to places if I need to be somewhere/do something. But if it’s any later than 6:00pm, she’ll tell me to make my own way home. I understand they’re their own people and have their own lives, but their lives literally just consist of sitting in front of the TV drinking 5 glasses of wine every night and then going to bed at 10. It’s just sad to me that once in a while if their child needs picking up, the same drink they have every night seems more important. It’s not like they taxi me every day on command, I do get buses and get lifts from other people, it’s just sometimes they’re the only people who can pick me up (for example if the buses have stopped running and i have no money for taxis) and when they refuse purely so they can have wine AGAIN, it’s just disappointing.
That's your problem, though? Being able to get lifts everywhere is a privilege and not something anyone is automatically entitled to.

Like I said, if they'd promised to pick you up but changed their minds I could understand your frustration because that's not fair on you. Just because you think your social life trumps their evenings, it doesn't mean you're in the right. If you don't have money, get a job or go on UC.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 1 month ago
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