Daisychains_93
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I'm having trouble settling with a housemate.
We've been living together in a HMO for under a year now. He's always thought himself better than everyone.
We had a girl who used to live with us. When I first moved in they were both really dirty. I put up with this because I liked my room and the location.
Time went on and the guy started complaining about how messy she was only he started nit picking at everything she was doing , knocking on my door complaining all of the time and being passive aggressive with her. In the end, I suggested a cleaning rota and bin rota as well as setting house rules because we had new people moving in and the messy person was leaving. He agreed to this.
New people moved in, and I implemented the cleaning rota etc only the guy now isn't following this. He makes a mess and takes over the house. When the new people moved in he complained and nit picked at everything they were doing as well as questioning why they were in the house because of the type of courses and part time jobs they had. He didn't think it was professional enough.
He's now calling people out for their mistakes, having people over without telling him. Even though he does the same.
I called him in out on our group chat for leaving a box of rotting food in the garden for over a year as he was complaining about smells from the bin. He originally moved it a few weeks ago to hide it from his boyfriend. He now said he had forgotten it was there and moved it to the bottom of the garden. Again, I called him out in it to say it was unfair to the house and to keep picking on others for the smell in the bins. He's now kicked off at me for being confrontational. He's going in 2 weeks time. However, am I in the wrong here for being angry with him? Have I not been accepting enough of his behavior?
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sunny.side.up
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I don't think your in the wrong at all. He's being very hypocritical and disrespectful to the other people in the house.
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Daisychains_93
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
I don't think your in the wrong at all. He's being very hypocritical and disrespectful to the other people in the house.
The others have just accepted it and don't see it being a problem. However, when he's commenting about smells etc, they get frustrated. They also see me as the bad guy in this as they don't understand what happened before they moved in. I distanced myself from the housemates as I found his hypocrisy difficult to deal with. But now, I just had enough of it.
Thank you. It was driving me nuts thinking I was in the wrong here. I personally think he made himself look stupid being pointed out like that hence his reaction. Looking forward to when he goes!
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sunny.side.up
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(Original post by Daisychains_93)
The others have just accepted it and don't see it being a problem. However, when he's commenting about smells etc, they get frustrated. They also see me as the bad guy in this as they don't understand what happened before they moved in. I distanced myself from the housemates as I found his hypocrisy difficult to deal with. But now, I just had enough of it.
Thank you. It was driving me nuts thinking I was in the wrong here. I personally think he made himself look stupid being pointed out like that hence his reaction. Looking forward to when he goes!
Idk why they'd accept it, he sounds like a slob. You're not the bad guy whatsoever, and when he leaves hopefully they'll realize that.
Last edited by sunny.side.up; 1 month ago
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Daisychains_93
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
Idk why they'd accept it, he sounds like a slob. You're not the bad guy whatsoever, and when he leaves hopefully they'll realize that.
I think they see it as not being so bad. Its a daily bowl of washing up, cardboard tucked by the tumble dryer, screwed up tea towels on the side, shoes left in the middle of the corridor, bits of his things everywhere, bottles left on the side, rotting plants. It feels more like his home and everyone is a guest.

I wondered if it was like me when I first moved in. I didn't want to say anything as it was the norm for them. But to be fair, they lack a lot o common sense... E.g the bins are stored outside the front of the house. They all complained about the smell. The guy was intimidating everyone saying he wants to know what's going on the bins and why. In the end I moved them to the end of the drive and asked the landlord if they could be washed as they haven't been washed for years. It was something so simple! I noticed one of the girls has started leaving washing up on the side too and going out. She comes back to wash it up however, when I want to cook or one of the other girls want to, it becomes an annoyance to have to move everything or it starts to smell quick because of the heat. Its ok if it's a one off but they miss the point that if everyone in the house does that, it becomes too much. Like what happened with the guy and the previous girl
The most frustrating part of this, is this guy is all talk and no actions. He expects everyone to follow what he wants but he can't keep up with his own expectations. I wondered if it was a control thing. He really thinks highly of himself so possibly narcissism....
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sunny.side.up
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(Original post by Daisychains_93)
I think they see it as not being so bad. Its a daily bowl of washing up, cardboard tucked by the tumble dryer, screwed up tea towels on the side, shoes left in the middle of the corridor, bits of his things everywhere, bottles left on the side, rotting plants. It feels more like his home and everyone is a guest.

I wondered if it was like me when I first moved in. I didn't want to say anything as it was the norm for them. But to be fair, they lack a lot o common sense... E.g the bins are stored outside the front of the house. They all complained about the smell. The guy was intimidating everyone saying he wants to know what's going on the bins and why. In the end I moved them to the end of the drive and asked the landlord if they could be washed as they haven't been washed for years. It was something so simple! I noticed one of the girls has started leaving washing up on the side too and going out. She comes back to wash it up however, when I want to cook or one of the other girls want to, it becomes an annoyance to have to move everything or it starts to smell quick because of the heat. Its ok if it's a one off but they miss the point that if everyone in the house does that, it becomes too much. Like what happened with the guy and the previous girl
The most frustrating part of this, is this guy is all talk and no actions. He expects everyone to follow what he wants but he can't keep up with his own expectations. I wondered if it was a control thing. He really thinks highly of himself so possibly narcissism....
So, everyone in the house is being messy now? It sounds like none of them care. You may need to leave if they keep it up.
He could be. :dontknow:
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Daisychains_93
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No, not really. Its him but one of the girls here is starting to be. It was why we wanted things like rotas etc in place to set expectations to stop others from thinking it's oOK to live like it.
I think you're right, they don't care. But they soon will when it starts impacting them directly. He's got a history of bullying past tenants - he's been her 4 years. Me 1 year. He's pushed out 5 tenants in that time - one recently because the guy drives a van apparently 'it lowered the tone of the house'
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