Had huge fight with boyfriend

Watch
0905becky
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I had a huge fight with my boyfriend today, my dog has been poorly for a short time but has been stable so I went to Wales to see my sister for 3 nights as haven't seen her for a while and knew my dog was being looked after by my dad and stepmum. Whilst I was there she became poorly but my dad didn't tell me, so I didn't know until I got back home. I was meant to go away with my boyfriend for 1 night today and was booked for a few months however I told him I felt like I shouldn't go as my dog has taken a turn, he didn't respond to this very well, he started saying 'well how come you left her to go to wales' I tried to explain when I went she had been well when I left and obviously if my dad had told me she'd been unwell I would have driven straight back and was kind of making it seem I'd planned it to cancel on him which wasn't the case. I understand he was upset as we was both looking forward to it, but as my dog became sick so quickly I thought he would have been more understanding. He ended the phonecall abruptly and I was very upset. I am the type of person when I am upset I tend to shut myself down but today I did speak to him a little over text, he wanted to call me again but I said I was too upset by his reaction and was trying to deal with my sick dog. I told him I would contact him when I was ready to speak to him. We didn't speak for about 6 hours and I've been speaking to him for about 5 hours on the phone now on and off. I feel like he's twisted it all round on me and is now saying me wanting space comes across as selfish and I was in the house all day on my own and I didn't even think to contact him and now he is having doubts about me and he feels we aren't as solid as he thought and saying that I must agree with what he's said otherwise I wouldn't have reacted to badly.
I feel like today I made a step in how I deal with things, normally I completely shut off and won't speak to anyone, where today I spoke to him for a bit and told him why I was upset and let him say his peace and then asked for space and I told him this, on the phone after the 5 hours when I was explaining this to him he then replied with 'yeah but you've done it to me before' and I just feel like I'm not being heard? He smokes weed and I feel he can be paranoid and I do feel like a lot of the time I give in to arguments because I know it won't go anywhere other than it being my fault. On valentines day I got him a cute card and box of chocolates and he wasn't happy with this and was extremely hostile all night to me and marched me around a shop to show me all the things I could have bought him instead, this was the day before my nans funeral.
I don't know, I feel like he was in the wrong this morning with the way he reacted towards the situation as its very delicate, but after hours of speaking, I feel like we've got no where in the conversation and he's not owned up to his part only twisting things round on me saying the way I don't speak to him (when I ask for space) is treating him like ****?
I feel like I need some outside perspective please!! Thanks
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Wow I would leave this relationship if I were you

How can he be angry about your poor sick dog. A supportive boyfriend would understand that is important to you a pet is like family to some of us.

If he gets paranoid moments cause of weed and gets angry at your gifts cause he doesn't like them... then he doesn't appreciate you and isn't making an effort to communicate properly. He seems less mature than you. Don't see how it works
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Also he is gaslighting you and constantly dragging you into arguments which you can't win
0
reply
xxx0xxxo
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
He sounds very selfish the thing about your nan's funeral makes that really clear. And as user above said quite immature, he must have some issues which he needs help with, i don't think you should be the one to try and solve them for him. Does he make you feel low in confidence and like you can't win?
0
reply
0905becky
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by xxx0xxxo)
He sounds very selfish the thing about your nan's funeral makes that really clear. And as user above said quite immature, he must have some issues which he needs help with, i don't think you should be the one to try and solve them for him. Does he make you feel low in confidence and like you can't win?
He does boost my confidence in a way he tells me I'm the nicest person he's ever met and to not worry about my body and he loves me for me but when it comes to arguing, then yes I feel like I can never win and its easier to just give in its like tonight we had a 5 hour conversation that he insisted on and we weren't anywhere close to resolving it because he dragged up new things like me not treating him right or making him feel like **** and saying what about his feelings, I tried to tell him I just wanted to go to bed but then he started saying oh see you just want to shut it down and sweep it under the rug, whereas I'm just really drained with it all and I just need to sleep!!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by 0905becky)
He does boost my confidence in a way he tells me I'm the nicest person he's ever met and to not worry about my body and he loves me for me but when it comes to arguing, then yes I feel like I can never win and its easier to just give in its like tonight we had a 5 hour conversation that he insisted on and we weren't anywhere close to resolving it because he dragged up new things like me not treating him right or making him feel like **** and saying what about his feelings, I tried to tell him I just wanted to go to bed but then he started saying oh see you just want to shut it down and sweep it under the rug, whereas I'm just really drained with it all and I just need to sleep!!
Oh well i don't know what he's talking about, maybe you have done things which make him unhappy
you both need to talk honestly and openly about what you're not happy with in the relationship and work it out

but u have to be there for each other if a pet is ill or family member died. No excuses on that... and appreciate gifts... that's basic love and respect.
0
reply
Zarek
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
Sounds a bit toxic in total. I can understand why he would be disappointed about going away and see a different context to you. But for things to drag on the way they have, with threats of breaking up and the other things, perhaps it’s run it’s course. Unless the positives outweigh the negatives I would go for preemptive dumping
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (18)
28.13%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (5)
7.81%
No I am happy with my choice (37)
57.81%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (4)
6.25%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed