AQA GCSE English Language P1Q2 Response

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#1
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Hey everyone! I would be super appreciative if anyone could give me some feedback on this response i.e a grade and what I can do to improve. Thanks!!

Extract:

Mr Fisher remembered a time – surely, not so long ago – when books were golden, when imaginations soared, when the world was filled with stories which ran like gazelles and pounced like tigers and exploded like rockets, illuminating minds and hearts. He had seen it happen; had seen whole classes swept away in the fever. In those days, there were heroes; there were dragons and dinosaurs; there were space adventurers and soldiers of fortune and giant apes. In those days, thought Mr Fisher, we dreamed in colour, though films were in black and white, and good always triumphed in the end.


Response:


The writer uses the metaphor "golden" to describe the books of the past. The powerful metaphor "golden" conveys the idea of value, quality, and scarcity. This demonstrates the idea that books of the past were of high quality and value, and cannot be compared to their modern-day counterparts. This makes the reader believe that books of today are far less superior and therefore they no longer facilitate the ability to make "imaginations soar."

The writer also uses the similes "ran like gazelles" and "pounced like tigers". When we think of gazelles, we picture speed, agility, and grace. These connotations allow the reader to capture, feel and imagine what the books of the past were like, and the tremendous amount of emotive power they possessed, so much so that they had the ability to "pounce like tigers". This invokes the reader to feel that the books of the past possessed the ability to stimulate imaginations and hearts alike.

The writers use of imagery, "we dreamed in colour, though films were in black and white", makes us believe that the books and stories used to be incredibly detailed and vibrant in words, that they were able to vividly dream in colour, although films were in black and white. This conveys the idea to the reader that books and stories of the past were incredibly detailed and facilitated vivid dreams.
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Salli00
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I personally think the answer deserves 7/8, it's a strong answer with very perceptive and detailed analysis. Well done! As said above, you could specify what kind of imagery, but other than that, you hit the criteria for a strong level 4 answer. To improve though, you could zoom into specific words in your longer quotes, such as the violent verb "pounced" and the juxtaposition between vibrant "colour[s]" and "black and white".

p.s: just a tip to make your writing flow better - You seem to often start your sentences with 'This' making it quite tedious to read, I would suggest removing the full stop and 'this' and replacing the verb with a present participle (-ing word)
Example:
The powerful metaphor "golden" conveys the idea of value, quality, and scarcity. This demonstrates the idea that books of the past were of high quality and value, and cannot be compared to their modern-day counterparts.
Here, I would remove the full stop and 'this' and replace 'demonstrates' with demonstrating. So it reads:
The powerful metaphor "golden" conveys the idea of value, quality, and scarcity demonstrating the idea that books of the past were of high quality and value, and cannot be compared to their modern-day counterparts.
Of course, only do this when necessary.

Hope that helps
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