Mum keeps making me pay for everything I need

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Anonymous #1
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I understand paying for clothes that I would like etc. But now she expects me to pay for a haircut or dentists appointment when I’m still in education.

I’m only just 18 and my friends parents don’t expect them to pay for everything that they need out of necessity. It’s not even like my parents can’t afford it.

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Anonymous #2
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I don’t think you should be paying for dentists’ appointments at 18 while still in full time education.

Aside from that, though, arguably it’s a parent’s right to set their own household policies about what you should and shouldn’t pay for. And you don’t necessarily know their whole financial situation. My children certainly seem to believe that money grows on trees and I’m determined that they will learn the value of money some way before they leave home and sooner if I can.

If you’re in a position where you’re earning your own money, arguably why should your parents pay for your haircuts? A girl’s haircut or even a specialist boy’s haircut are easily half a week’s food bill in my house which is why I so rarely have them. If you’re earning money why shouldn’t you contribute to the family bills or pay for your own things? That’s something nice you can do for your parents and your family. And if you’re not earning your own money then I don’t see how you’re paying for anything.
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lol.yolo
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Different families do things differently in terms of finances. I'm quite lucky my parents pay for all my needs, including car insurance and petrol (I rarely drive and journeys I do are normally to do the family shopping so I think a fair trade off). I pay for my wants, extra food, phone bill, clothes etc. Some of my friend's parents pay for the wants also whereas some of my other friends are paying their parents rent so it really does vary.

Dentist appointments you shouldn't have to pay for anyway if you're under 19 and in education. Do you have a job? Ultimately its down to how your parents see things. My dad for example grew up in a time where "you're 18, you're an adult and you should be financially responsible for yourself", my mum however sees the world now is different, she says she'd rather I save money now so I can get a better mortgage down the line (and I do save almost everything I earn). Its possible your parents are from a culture or time period with similar attitudes to my dad.

Ultimately its their call, but maybe chat to them in a no threatening manner. avoid phrases like "its not fair" but explain that since you're spending most of your time studying, you don't have much of an income and you'd prefer to save it for future use (presuming that is what you actually do with disposable income). I don't think learning to budget at your age is a bad thing though
Last edited by lol.yolo; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t think you should be paying for dentists’ appointments at 18 while still in full time education.

Aside from that, though, arguably it’s a parent’s right to set their own household policies about what you should and shouldn’t pay for. And you don’t necessarily know their whole financial situation. My children certainly seem to believe that money grows on trees and I’m determined that they will learn the value of money some way before they leave home and sooner if I can.

If you’re in a position where you’re earning your own money, arguably why should your parents pay for your haircuts? A girl’s haircut or even a specialist boy’s haircut are easily half a week’s food bill in my house which is why I so rarely have them. If you’re earning money why shouldn’t you contribute to the family bills or pay for your own things? That’s something nice you can do for your parents and your family. And if you’re not earning your own money then I don’t see how you’re paying for anything.
I’ve applied for summer jobs but it’s taking for ages to get replies, I’ve got my own savings but I don’t spend it much because I don’t buy many clothes often. All the money I have saved is from birthdays etc is supposed to go towards driving lessons.

Honestly my parents are very stable financially, not saying I expect money to be spent on me the whole time but it never was anyway; my dad has many hobbies and recently bought an expensive motorbike just after I turned 18 because my mum said he wasn’t allowed one until after I turned 18. I never asked them to pay for my hobbies etc I always pay for art supplies.

I don’t waste my money tbh either, not constantly drinking. It’s upsetting because since I turned 18 I’ve been having more arguments even though I left college a couple of weeks ago and haven’t had enough time to earn money but get shouted at that “I know where the door is”.
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lol.yolo
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Also, my mum and I have been cutting each others hair since the first lockdown. I don't intend to go back to hairdressers unless I wanted something really complex done, women's haircuts are so expensive, even for a simple straight across dry cut!
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Compost
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand paying for clothes that I would like etc. But now she expects me to pay for a haircut or dentists appointment when I’m still in education.
Dentistry is free to under 19s in full time education.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Compost)
Dentistry is free to under 19s in full time education.
Yeah that’s what we said to my local dentist but they keep saying we still have to pay even though I’m still in education and haven’t been able to go anyway due to covid.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by lol.yolo)
Different families do things differently in terms of finances. I'm quite lucky my parents pay for all my needs, including car insurance and petrol (I rarely drive and journeys I do are normally to do the family shopping so I think a fair trade off). I pay for my wants, extra food, phone bill, clothes etc. Some of my friend's parents pay for the wants also whereas some of my other friends are paying their parents rent so it really does vary.

Dentist appointments you shouldn't have to pay for anyway if you're under 19 and in education. Do you have a job? Ultimately its down to how your parents see things. My dad for example grew up in a time where "you're 18, you're an adult and you should be financially responsible for yourself", my mum however sees the world now is different, she says she'd rather I save money now so I can get a better mortgage down the line (and I do save almost everything I earn). Its possible your parents are from a culture or time period with similar attitudes to my dad.

Ultimately its their call, but maybe chat to them in a no threatening manner. avoid phrases like "its not fair" but explain that since you're spending most of your time studying, you don't have much of an income and you'd prefer to save it for future use (presuming that is what you actually do with disposable income). I don't think learning to budget at your age is a bad thing though
Yeah think my parents are the same as your dad. Neither of them went to uni or college after school so started working at 16. My mums parents even took money off her after she left home because they were terrible with money (grandad gambled).
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Anonymous #2
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Put it this way: your parents have been paying for everything for you for 18 years. Your dad could have bought two or three motorbikes in that time. Maybe, just maybe, they want to spend a bit on themselves. You’ve finished school, you don’t have anything else to do with your time, it’s time to get a job. Sounds like they want to motivate you to get a job and it sounds like it’s succeeding.
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lol.yolo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah that’s what we said to my local dentist but they keep saying we still have to pay even though I’m still in education and haven’t been able to go anyway due to covid.
Are you going to an NHS covered dentist? Some dental practices are completely private in which case its up to them how to charge patients. If its NHS certain patients get subsidised or free care, an under 19 in education is one of those.
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mnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand paying for clothes that I would like etc. But now she expects me to pay for a haircut or dentists appointment when I’m still in education.

I’m only just 18 and my friends parents don’t expect them to pay for everything that they need out of necessity. It’s not even like my parents can’t afford it.

Thoughts?
Your 18, its nice if your parents continue to coddle you but perhaps they want you to increase your self-responsibility
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah that’s what we said to my local dentist but they keep saying we still have to pay even though I’m still in education and haven’t been able to go anyway due to covid.
The they’re breaking the law. Complain to your CCG/PALS.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Put it this way: your parents have been paying for everything for you for 18 years. Your dad could have bought two or three motorbikes in that time. Maybe, just maybe, they want to spend a bit on themselves. You’ve finished school, you don’t have anything else to do with your time, it’s time to get a job. Sounds like they want to motivate you to get a job and it sounds like it’s succeeding.
I haven’t said I didn’t want a job...just been to busy until recently to get one lmao. My dad wasn’t “allowed” to buy a motorbike in case he died and left my mum in financial struggle. 🤣
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EVMD17
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Oo
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Joleee
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how much are they charging you for rent? do you have to pay for your own groceries as well?
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A Rolling Stone
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand paying for clothes that I would like etc. But now she expects me to pay for a haircut or dentists appointment when I’m still in education.

I’m only just 18 and my friends parents don’t expect them to pay for everything that they need out of necessity. It’s not even like my parents can’t afford it.

Thoughts?
it may be annoying, but it can be worse when your parents pay for everything for you and the suddenly you're in your 20s and not cute anymore and they stop paying for things, you'd feel worse

it can teach you a good life lesson in budget management as a plus
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
how much are they charging you for rent? do you have to pay for your own groceries as well?
Not yet. I’ll have to pay for rent next year because I’m doing a foundation course before uni. Yeah paying for some groceries, I have dry eyes and have had to pay for wipes.
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mnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have dry eyes and have had to pay for wipes.
The plight of the modern youth, what has happened to this country.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A Rolling Stone)
it may be annoying, but it can be worse when your parents pay for everything for you and the suddenly you're in your 20s and not cute anymore and they stop paying for things, you'd feel worse

it can teach you a good life lesson in budget management as a plus
Yeah I suppose. The irony of it is that my mum pays for things for my older sisters who are 10 years older than me and have partners/ husband. For example they’ll go out for lunch and my mum will pay despite them earning enough money for themselves but screams at me if I dare to get a meal deal from Tesco and say I’ll pay her back.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I haven’t said I didn’t want a job...just been to busy until recently to get one lmao. My dad wasn’t “allowed” to buy a motorbike in case he died and left my mum in financial struggle. 🤣
I gathered that. I was just pointing out that your parents have been making financial sacrifices for years and years. Everything you have is something they don’t. You’re in a position to get a job and pay for yourself now. Why shouldn’t you? You’ve yet to convince me that they’re being unfair.
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