Is 19 too young to get pregnant?

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Anonymous #1
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I'm just wondering people's opinions on this, of course, I don't take this sort of decision lightly but thought it'd be interesting to know the general consensus about people's views on young pregnancies.

At the moment, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21. We've discussed having a family in the future and we both would love one, as soon as we're ready and in a favourable financial situation. I was thinking next year, I turn 19 and finish my A-Level exams, then we're moving out together in the summer. As soon as I'm doing these exams I'll be applying to full-time jobs, hopefully to have one as soon as I'm done, get an income to supplement my savings (I'm looking for a remote part-time job atm too but not holding out much hope of getting one, just an fyi). So... if I were to fall pregnant early next year, before/during my exams, having the baby in the autumn, would that be a horrific decision?

I grew up in a large young family so having kids is something I'm used to, my boyfriend is very paternal as it is so I don't see any problems in us being unable to parent for the baby, though of course, I'm not expecting it to be easy. We're both very committed to each other, he's been a massive priority to me for a long time and he's willing to make many financial decisions to help us out, e.g. get a cheaper car, work longer hours, so I know he's dedicated to us.

So thoughts? It'd also be interesting to know the experiences of young mums aswell, if there's any on here any responses would be great
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Scienceisgood
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Personally I am prioritising a career before a family as having a family before starting a career is much harder to do. So once I’m happy with myself job and financially wise, then I’ll consider it.
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mnot
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Kids a huge commitment not just to each others lives but also your socioeconomic position for at least a couple decades but potentially your whole life.

I wont be having kids until I believe I have the reasonably strong financial security, a decent financial fallback fund and I have the capabilities to provide a stable environment for the kid to grow up in. I also whilst don't think "the nuclear family" is by any means the be all and end all, i do think it is generally the best environment and thus would look to ensure the family side of things are as assured as they can be (although the reality is the world is transient, and with the best will in the world you cannot always plan around this).

I think in the UK at 19 it is very hard to do this, and you also lose out on a lot of life experiences other young people get to have. I also dont believe at 19 you really know what you want out of life yet.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm just wondering people's opinions on this, of course, I don't take this sort of decision lightly but thought it'd be interesting to know the general consensus about people's views on young pregnancies.

At the moment, I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21. We've discussed having a family in the future and we both would love one, as soon as we're ready and in a favourable financial situation. I was thinking next year, I turn 19 and finish my A-Level exams, then we're moving out together in the summer. As soon as I'm doing these exams I'll be applying to full-time jobs, hopefully to have one as soon as I'm done, get an income to supplement my savings (I'm looking for a remote part-time job atm too but not holding out much hope of getting one, just an fyi). So... if I were to fall pregnant early next year, before/during my exams, having the baby in the autumn, would that be a horrific decision?

I grew up in a large young family so having kids is something I'm used to, my boyfriend is very paternal as it is so I don't see any problems in us being unable to parent for the baby, though of course, I'm not expecting it to be easy. We're both very committed to each other, he's been a massive priority to me for a long time and he's willing to make many financial decisions to help us out, e.g. get a cheaper car, work longer hours, so I know he's dedicated to us.

So thoughts? It'd also be interesting to know the experiences of young mums aswell, if there's any on here any responses would be great
It really does vary with each person. For myself personally, 19 would have been too young for me to have a child. But people are at different stages of life at 19. If you and your boyfriend will be able to look after a child in all senses, provide a stable, financially secure home for them, then 19 isn't too young.

Being pregnant whilst you're doing exams may not be the best idea though. You never know if you'll have complications, struggles within pregnancy e.g. severe sickness or other difficulties, so there's a risk there of it interfering with your studies. There's no rush, so I'd say to wait until you've finished your education and have a job, and a combined income with your boyfriend that can support a child.

It is a very personal decision and one only you and your boyfriend can make. You sound like your relationship is healthy with lots of love to give a child so I'm sure that whenever you do decide to have a baby, it will be a very positive experience and joyous time. Whatever you decide to do, good luck
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Anonymous #2
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I would say that you are barely an adult and you haven't experienced everything life has to offer before kids. Being siblings with many kids isn't the same as being their parents. Though I'm sure you know that. You working a part time job and him working a full time one isn't a great financial situation as you both are young with little to no work experience so I don't assume your pays are good enough to support a child along with you two. You two should enjoy life a bit more before having kids, I think.

There's so much personal growth you both need to do to be able to provide your child(ren) with a good upbringing. My mum had me and my brother when she was 18. Sure she and my dad had jobs, barely enough money to get us by though, and they spent most of their lives at work trying to support us. We barely saw them at home. Not to mention the emotional immaturity both of them had. I'm not saying they weren't maternal and paternal, that they didn't have good parenting instincts. Not at all. I'm saying they had no time to work on themselves and get over their own childhood traumas before having us, they had no time to research how to bring up children in a healthy way, they had no idea what it was like to be just with themselves.
The end result? They passed their own childhood traumas onto us, me and my brother had awful communication skills and problems with our own relationships later on that stemmed from our childhood. We still do. I am angry with my parents for it. My father was the worst, I barely talk to him because I can't stand how much he messed us up. I didn't have to go through all this just so they can have kids, that's very selfish. If only they had us a few years later they would've known better, about themselves and how to bring up kids. And both of my parents were from massive families. I have countless cousins.

You can really ruin your children's entire lives by not being emotionally and mentally ready for children. And at 18 you're definitely not ready, mentally. You need to figure out who you are first, you need to find your faults, you need to find those parts of yourself that could be harmful for your children and actively work on them. Take classes, learn about the psychology of child development.

I know you want kids, and I understand. But there's no need to rush. There's so much to life other than kids, and after having kids you're very limited on what you can actually do. Please take some years to work on yourselves, to improve who you are and get over those traumas. Your children will thank you for it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would say that you are barely an adult and you haven't experienced everything life has to offer before kids. Being siblings with many kids isn't the same as being their parents. Though I'm sure you know that. You working a part time job and him working a full time one isn't a great financial situation as you both are young with little to no work experience so I don't assume your pays are good enough to support a child along with you two. You two should enjoy life a bit more before having kids, I think.

There's so much personal growth you both need to do to be able to provide your child(ren) with a good upbringing. My mum had me and my brother when she was 18. Sure she and my dad had jobs, barely enough money to get us by though, and they spent most of their lives at work trying to support us. We barely saw them at home. Not to mention the emotional immaturity both of them had. I'm not saying they weren't maternal and paternal, that they didn't have good parenting instincts. Not at all. I'm saying they had no time to work on themselves and get over their own childhood traumas before having us, they had no time to research how to bring up children in a healthy way, they had no idea what it was like to be just with themselves.
The end result? They passed their own childhood traumas onto us, me and my brother had awful communication skills and problems with our own relationships later on that stemmed from our childhood. We still do. I am angry with my parents for it. My father was the worst, I barely talk to him because I can't stand how much he messed us up. I didn't have to go through all this just so they can have kids, that's very selfish. If only they had us a few years later they would've known better, about themselves and how to bring up kids. And both of my parents were from massive families. I have countless cousins.

You can really ruin your children's entire lives by not being emotionally and mentally ready for children. And at 18 you're definitely not ready, mentally. You need to figure out who you are first, you need to find your faults, you need to find those parts of yourself that could be harmful for your children and actively work on them. Take classes, learn about the psychology of child development.

I know you want kids, and I understand. But there's no need to rush. There's so much to life other than kids, and after having kids you're very limited on what you can actually do. Please take some years to work on yourselves, to improve who you are and get over those traumas. Your children will thank you for it.
I really appreciate this response, thank you so much for sharing. I understand your point completely, emotional maturity of the parents is a massive factor and I'm aware of how much it can mess children up; I was born when my parents were barely in their twenties, so it's not quite the same but I definitely notice how their way of parenting differed from older parents who had more life experience and in turn were more mature. I'm extremely concerned about passing on childhood trauma, part of me is worried that I'm just trying to replicate my childhood in a way, where all I did was look after my siblings because I don't know any different. So I get where you're coming from and I'm so sorry you had that experience!!! There's definitely some sort of link between young parents coming from massive families and continuing the toxic cycle. I absolutely don't want to have kids who grow up to hate me and move away as soon as possible, which is pretty much my whole reasoning for moving out of home relatively early.

As for finances, I definitely agree, but we'd both have stable full-time jobs before even considering starting a family and enough money to support us, I absolutely wouldn't even consider it if I thought we'd be unable to afford a baby.

Thank you again, I appreciate you sharing (:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
It really does vary with each person. For myself personally, 19 would have been too young for me to have a child. But people are at different stages of life at 19. If you and your boyfriend will be able to look after a child in all senses, provide a stable, financially secure home for them, then 19 isn't too young.

Being pregnant whilst you're doing exams may not be the best idea though. You never know if you'll have complications, struggles within pregnancy e.g. severe sickness or other difficulties, so there's a risk there of it interfering with your studies. There's no rush, so I'd say to wait until you've finished your education and have a job, and a combined income with your boyfriend that can support a child.

It is a very personal decision and one only you and your boyfriend can make. You sound like your relationship is healthy with lots of love to give a child so I'm sure that whenever you do decide to have a baby, it will be a very positive experience and joyous time. Whatever you decide to do, good luck
This response is really kind, thank you.

I did briefly consider the exam part, but you bring up a very valid point. I hadn't really considered it could be so bad that it'd disrupt my studies and potentially my entire career/future, like if something went wrong. I don't know if being young would put your body at more risk of pregnancy complications, admittedly I'm not too clued up on that part. So I think you're right, complete exams first, ensure that's all good before risking complications that could mess things up. Think I underestimated the struggles of pregnancy a bit :')

Thank you so much!!
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Anonymous #3
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Honestly people grow at different rates so there is no correct age to be a parent. But i'm gonna keep it simple I was always told one way to tell if your ready. Can you look after yourself. If you have the stability financially etc. to be indepedent and look after yourself then your probably capable of looking after another human being. If you can't look after yourself you can't look after a child.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scienceisgood)
Personally I am prioritising a career before a family as having a family before starting a career is much harder to do. So once I’m happy with myself job and financially wise, then I’ll consider it.
That's fair enough, thank you (:

(Original post by mnot)
Kids a huge commitment not just to each others lives but also your socioeconomic position for at least a couple decades but potentially your whole life.

I wont be having kids until I believe I have the reasonably strong financial security, a decent financial fallback fund and I have the capabilities to provide a stable environment for the kid to grow up in. I also whilst don't think "the nuclear family" is by any means the be all and end all, i do think it is generally the best environment and thus would look to ensure the family side of things are as assured as they can be (although the reality is the world is transient, and with the best will in the world you cannot always plan around this).

I think in the UK at 19 it is very hard to do this, and you also lose out on a lot of life experiences other young people get to have. I also dont believe at 19 you really know what you want out of life yet.
Yeah you're definitely right, financially it's a really big committment. I agree completely that providing a good stable environment, in every sense of the word, is the priority here. I wouldn't want to be selfish and bring a baby into a family that isn't ready for it. Thank you!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly people grow at different rates so there is no correct age to be a parent. But i'm gonna keep it simple I was always told one way to tell if your ready. Can you look after yourself. If you have the stability financially etc. to be indepedent and look after yourself then your probably capable of looking after another human being. If you can't look after yourself you can't look after a child.
Yeah that's the thing isn't it, really depends on the person. I feel in myself that I would be ready for children but I think I'd still wanna wait more time to be sure, hence why it'll be almost a full year until I potentially get pregnant. That's a good way to think about it, thank you (:
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londonmyst
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No- 19 is not too young.
But age is not the most relevant factor.

It is more a question of personal priorities, health, finances, stability, maturity, a reasonably safe living environment and the ability to adequately provide for a child's basic physical & emotional needs for 18 years.
Personally I won't have a baby until I am a property owner, with a committed male co-parent who understand the importance of being a good father for at least 18 years and I have access to an annual income of at least £110k (assuming living in London).
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Chicken.M.
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Dayum you haven't even finished your Alevels and want a kid lol.
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ROTL94
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Depends on you and your personal circumstances. My sister had a child at 19 and they're both doing fine now, but then she wasn't doing A Levels at that point, she was full time employed.
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Anonymous #4
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I think kids are a massive commitment, 19 is still so young, do whatever you want but personally I think you should live your life and have fun being young there is plenty of time for kids in the future!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chicken.M.)
Dayum you haven't even finished your Alevels and want a kid lol.
I'm thinking about it yeah, I'd want one AFTER finishing them tho
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This response is really kind, thank you.

I did briefly consider the exam part, but you bring up a very valid point. I hadn't really considered it could be so bad that it'd disrupt my studies and potentially my entire career/future, like if something went wrong. I don't know if being young would put your body at more risk of pregnancy complications, admittedly I'm not too clued up on that part. So I think you're right, complete exams first, ensure that's all good before risking complications that could mess things up. Think I underestimated the struggles of pregnancy a bit :')

Thank you so much!!
Being young potentially means you're less at risk as there are a lot of age-related issues associated with older mothers, but you can still have complications when young, like for example the severe sickness HG or pregnancy can even uncover underlying health issues you don't know you had. Definitely a good idea to wait until they're over just in case. Hopefully all will be well when the time comes though!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I really appreciate this response, thank you so much for sharing. I understand your point completely, emotional maturity of the parents is a massive factor and I'm aware of how much it can mess children up; I was born when my parents were barely in their twenties, so it's not quite the same but I definitely notice how their way of parenting differed from older parents who had more life experience and in turn were more mature. I'm extremely concerned about passing on childhood trauma, part of me is worried that I'm just trying to replicate my childhood in a way, where all I did was look after my siblings because I don't know any different. So I get where you're coming from and I'm so sorry you had that experience!!! There's definitely some sort of link between young parents coming from massive families and continuing the toxic cycle. I absolutely don't want to have kids who grow up to hate me and move away as soon as possible, which is pretty much my whole reasoning for moving out of home relatively early.

As for finances, I definitely agree, but we'd both have stable full-time jobs before even considering starting a family and enough money to support us, I absolutely wouldn't even consider it if I thought we'd be unable to afford a baby.

Thank you again, I appreciate you sharing (:
You're welcome!
Hahah you may be right, about the replicating your childhood bit, I think that definitely happens, and it's probably what happened with my mum! I highly recommend studying/learning about psychology. (Child development, attachment types, etc)n When I did my psychology A levels, that really opened my eyes up about why I am the way I am and how I can fix it, then tiktok was a lot of help for me actually, I followed a lot of psychologists and people who specialize in child development and they taught me a lot about what actual healthy parent-child relationships should look like. They showed differences between healthy and unhealthy, and very quickly I was like "Oh". You don't really realise how something you do is harmful until you see a healthier version of it. And unfortunately our parents never had the chance to see something healthy.

Also, for me, seeing that my parents literally have no idea what life is like without kids, kids are all they've ever known, it's like some part of them have disappeared because they forgot who they were. You know those parents whose whole personality is that they have kids? That's what I mean. I'm even going to say that this is exactly what happens when you have kids really young. My mum has passion for baking, but most of her life has been just us. Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is that for me this is really demotivating in many aspects. For one, I am now not even sure I want kids anymore because I'm so afraid of losing myself like my parents did. For second, it's demotivating for life. What I've seen from my parents is that kids are everything that matters in life, so if kids are all there is to life, and I want no kids, what is there for me? As a child I would've preferred if my parents had many life experiences before me, so that they can be these whole, amazing, interesting people I can look up to, not someone who's reason to live is their kids, because there's so much more to life.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm thinking about it yeah, I'd want one AFTER finishing them tho
How long have you been with your boyfriend?
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Zarek
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The norm seems to be to get qualifications and a bit of career development under the belt before having a family. But who’s to say that’s right. The advantages of having kids when young are that the body is in top shape and that when they’ve grown up you’re still young. Other considerations are financial and relationship stability. From my experience I wouldn’t make a permanent commitment with someone until I been with them for quite a few years.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
No- 19 is not too young.
But age is not the most relevant factor.

It is more a question of personal priorities, health, finances, stability, maturity, a reasonably safe living environment and the ability to adequately provide for a child's basic physical & emotional needs for 18 years.
Personally I won't have a baby until I am a property owner, with a committed male co-parent who understand the importance of being a good father for at least 18 years and I have access to an annual income of at least £110k (assuming living in London).
Damn that's a lot of income ahah, definitely enough to raise a family. Yeah you make very good points, definitely more to it than just age!!
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