Anonymous #1
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I met my bf 17 years when I was 15, I didn’t date him until I was 16. He, at the time was 28. We’re still together. I am 31 and he’s 42 now and can’t help but wonder if it’s classed as grooming?? I am a completely different person now than I was when I was 15/16 and my bf would have had similar maturity to what I have. And I feel weird thinking he found me attractive at such a young age.
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AmberLeighEvie
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yeah age wise definitely feels like grooming especially since he was talking to you before. but I don't understand the full situation but from the information given I would say yes at 17 now I would not talk to a 15 year old even "planning on waiting" because that feels plain wierd. it's just a thing of how does this now affect your relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AmberLeighEvie)
yeah age wise definitely feels like grooming especially since he was talking to you before. but I don't understand the full situation but from the information given I would say yes at 17 now I would not talk to a 15 year old even "planning on waiting" because that feels plain wierd. it's just a thing of how does this now affect your relationship.
It hasn’t affected the relationship as of yet, but it’s made me think about his attraction preferences. Also the fact that he found me attractive when I was a teen and 12 years younger than him. He’s a good bf but I just wonder sometimes
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AmberLeighEvie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It hasn’t affected the relationship as of yet, but it’s made me think about his attraction preferences. Also the fact that he found me attractive when I was a teen and 12 years younger than him. He’s a good bf but I just wonder sometimes
I definitely agree I would think the same as long as you're happy I don't see a problem but if he starts going after others or acting wierd about stuff I hope you are able to take into consideration the way you met too. 😊
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sa.h.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It hasn’t affected the relationship as of yet, but it’s made me think about his attraction preferences. Also the fact that he found me attractive when I was a teen and 12 years younger than him. He’s a good bf but I just wonder sometimes
It definitely is concerning, and you should definitely try to talk to him about it. When you were 28, did you feel sexually attracted to 16 year old teenagers? I don't think so.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AmberLeighEvie)
I definitely agree I would think the same as long as you're happy I don't see a problem but if he starts going after others or acting wierd about stuff I hope you are able to take into consideration the way you met too. 😊
So far, it’s been good. I don’t suspect any cheating. We have a son together and he seems like a decent father too. I just get all weird when I think about how we met. Thank you I will certainly keep that in mind.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sa.h.)
It definitely is concerning, and you should definitely try to talk to him about it. When you were 28, did you feel sexually attracted to 16 year old teenagers? I don't think so.
I am 31 and I can’t even imagine looking at a teenager even 19 and finding him sexually attractive. It seems just plain wrong. I am a woman so may be men view it differently?
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WazzWazz98
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 31 and I can’t even imagine looking at a teenager even 19 and finding him sexually attractive. It seems just plain wrong. I am a woman so may be men view it differently?
No man that is in their right mind would have such a viewpoint!
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sa.h.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am 31 and I can’t even imagine looking at a teenager even 19 and finding him sexually attractive. It seems just plain wrong. I am a woman so may be men view it differently?
Maybe, however it is highly unlikely. I'm studying psychology at the moment, and it is proven that older men seek younger women as there is an innate judgement that they are perceived as more fertile, therefore more likely to have children, however, it is unlikely that the evolutionary approach can explain why a young adult would go for children. Like I said before, this is definitely an issue that needs to be raised in your marriage, maybe with a spousal therapist. I would suggest going deeper into your husbands past, again in the presence of a therapist either with or without you (without you so he can open up more), as well as his upbringing, as there may have been a point of trauma in his earlier life, before he met you, maybe when he was a teen or even younger, that may have triggered this attraction towards much younger people.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sa.h.)
Maybe, however it is highly unlikely. I'm studying psychology at the moment, and it is proven that older men seek younger women as there is an innate judgement that they are perceived as more fertile, therefore more likely to have children, however, it is unlikely that the evolutionary approach can explain why a young adult would go for children. Like I said before, this is definitely an issue that needs to be raised in your marriage, maybe with a spousal therapist. I would suggest going deeper into your husbands past, again in the presence of a therapist either with or without you (without you so he can open up more), as well as his upbringing, as there may have been a point of trauma in his earlier life, before he met you, maybe when he was a teen or even younger, that may have triggered this attraction towards much younger people.
I have brought up this subject a couple of times, I have never got a satisfactory answer though.

He says, because he heard I had a crush on him that made his attraction more intense. He was someone in authority and I generally found older men more attractive (daddy issues, I believe). He also says he never initiated any physical activity with me, as he found it difficult to see me as a sexual partner. And it’s true.
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