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when to tell strict parents i am moving out

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I think you should defo wait to tell them. Get your Alevel results see how you do with UCAT/BMAT and apply strategically when you get an offer then let them know. Otherwise there is no point really to get yourself in trouble and stress if your not sure where your going yet.
Original post by Anonymous
My parents weren’t strict but wanted me to apply close. But they didn’t understand Medicine was competitive. I sat them down and explained it all and I am now gonna go brum for med which is 1.5 hours away. Have you fully explained it all to them?

Do what is best for you. Did you apply for med this year?

Nope I haven't, I kinda regret the decision but I knew if I did apply last year I wouldn't have had the courage to apply somewhere that isn't close. I guess I will have to wait till I receive my A Level results and talk to them then. Congrats on getting in btw, well done!! :biggrin:
Original post by shooonthebeat
You need to explain to them that you're gonna apply to unis that are right for you which may not necessarily be ones that are close. You have to make sure you're going to the right uni for yourself or you're gonna regret it. Like honestly, would they prefer that you stay with them just because they don't want you to move out or move out and get a better education?

I agree... I do not want to leave them confused, so I will have to explain my decision definitely though it'll be a tough conversation for certain :s-smilie:
Reply 43
Avatar for Kerzen
Kerzen
17
Something which strikes me is that it might be worth staying in touch with some of your teachers at your school.

I was wondering whether there was one with whom you get on well, perhaps a Biology teacher or another science teacher, to whom you could speak if your parents present real difficulties.

He/she might be in a position to speak to them at that point and support you in your choices.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Do they view doctors of high standing if they are conservative? I know my family do - which gave more bargaining power 😂


heeeck yeah, especially my mum! always going on about how people will respect me... how the title itself is something of power but dang I do not want to do it for those reasons at all!! :ashamed2:
if i were you, i’d tell them a week before you move out, so they have a time to process but not too much time for them to try and stop you. i’m assuming you’re a girl — are you planning to stay in a female-only hall? you could tell them that to assure them. it’d also be a good idea to explain to them why the uni you’ve chosen is better for you than any closer universities, just to reassure them :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
heeeck yeah, especially my mum! always going on about how people will respect me... how the title itself is something of power but dang I do not want to do it for those reasons at all!! :ashamed2:


Ik ik - but if it helps your situation then you gotta do what you gotta do! Yeah I get the same “oh your gonna be a doctor blah blah blah” and my gran tells everyone 😂
Original post by Anonymous
I too think I should tell them as soon as I have organised accommodation and secured student finances :u: perhaps not so late as you suggested though whoops


it's your life mate at the end of the day. What do they want you to do? repress who you are and who you want to become so that you never develop into your own person and outside what person they'd like you to be?

I think if you secure everything it'll so commitment, that you're able to handle things and would remove any 'what ifs' or stresses. They couldn't come back on you and have a go for you not telling them in advance because they've literally threatened to disown you if you did. go for it and don't let them hold you back! If it happens, find a new family.
Original post by shooonthebeat
Yeah sounds like typical South Asian parents lol. Tbh you're not even moving out permanently just yet tho, you're only moving away to study and I'm guessing you'll be back home with them after anyways?

YUUUP HAHA more so central asian but we have a very similar culture to south asians! and tbh... I do not think I will be moving back home after... if hopefully I do have the finances I would want to still live in my own place
Original post by Kerzen
Will Student Finance not involve some online input from your parents, though?

That is what I was worried about... would they see that I applied for accommodation that way? :eek:
Original post by Kerzen
By the way, what are you going to do during your gap year?

rn I am focusing on my uni application and passing my drivers theory test :colondollar: I am also planning to take up a part time job, volunteering and exploring hobbies and such! :h:
Original post by lara147
I think you should defo wait to tell them. Get your Alevel results see how you do with UCAT/BMAT and apply strategically when you get an offer then let them know. Otherwise there is no point really to get yourself in trouble and stress if your not sure where your going yet.

Thank you for input, I really appreciate it! I also think I should do that, don't want to announce anything before it's certain that I can do it! :h:
Original post by Anonymous
YUUUP HAHA more so central asian but we have a very similar culture to south asians! and tbh... I do not think I will be moving back home after... if hopefully I do have the finances I would want to still live in my own place

I think that's the best decision honestly. If it's affordable for you then it's best to get your own place and be independent. I hate how it is with a lot of Asian culture, always having to stay with your parents. I'm 22 and still live with my mum as I go to uni locally but I plan to move further away if I do master's elsewhere and hopefully save up for a deposit to buy a house afterwards.
Original post by Kerzen
Something which strikes me is that it might be worth staying in touch with some of your teachers at your school.

I was wondering whether there was one with whom you get on well, perhaps a Biology teacher or another science teacher, to whom you could speak if your parents present real difficulties.

He/she might be in a position to speak to them at that point and support you in your choices.

Ahh I didn't think of doing that at all, I guess it's because none of my teachers were in such situation so I thought they wouldn't be of help, but I will keep in contact with a few of them for sure! Thank you! :h:
Original post by Anonymous
That is what I was worried about... would they see that I applied for accommodation that way? :eek:

They might because you do have to mention on your student finance application whether you'll be staying at home or living in accommodation. Also, as I mentioned earlier you'll need to provide their details to receive more funding for the maintenance loan.
Original post by nightingalegend
if i were you, i’d tell them a week before you move out, so they have a time to process but not too much time for them to try and stop you. i’m assuming you’re a girl — are you planning to stay in a female-only hall? you could tell them that to assure them. it’d also be a good idea to explain to them why the uni you’ve chosen is better for you than any closer universities, just to reassure them :smile:

Oh that's so clever!! It completely slipped my mind that I will for certain stay in a female-only hall, that for sure should reassure them! :biggrin: Thank you for your help! I guess a week or two would be enough to let them know beforehand... thanks once again! I was just wondering, should I just lie throughout the year about where I applied to, then drop the bomb?
Original post by Anonymous
Ik ik - but if it helps your situation then you gotta do what you gotta do! Yeah I get the same “oh your gonna be a doctor blah blah blah” and my gran tells everyone 😂

aww bless her she must be so proud of you! and you should be too, it's a great achievement! :h:
Original post by Anonymous
it's your life mate at the end of the day. What do they want you to do? repress who you are and who you want to become so that you never develop into your own person and outside what person they'd like you to be?

I think if you secure everything it'll so commitment, that you're able to handle things and would remove any 'what ifs' or stresses. They couldn't come back on you and have a go for you not telling them in advance because they've literally threatened to disown you if you did. go for it and don't let them hold you back! If it happens, find a new family.

you're right! once I gave myself the permission, why should I ask for theirs? Tis on them for letting things to happen this way :colonhash: Thank you for your support!
Original post by shooonthebeat
I think that's the best decision honestly. If it's affordable for you then it's best to get your own place and be independent. I hate how it is with a lot of Asian culture, always having to stay with your parents. I'm 22 and still live with my mum as I go to uni locally but I plan to move further away if I do master's elsewhere and hopefully save up for a deposit to buy a house afterwards.

Good luck, I wish you the best!! Things would have just been so much easier if parents were more supportive, but it is what it is :' ((
Reply 59
Avatar for Kerzen
Kerzen
17
Original post by Anonymous
rn I am focusing on my uni application and passing my drivers theory test :colondollar: I am also planning to take up a part time job, volunteering and exploring hobbies and such! :h:


I wonder whether you would be able to apply to work in somewhere like a care home? I can see how that would stand you in good stead.

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