i'm not sure what i'm going throughWatch
so, i've felt this way for a while, since like 2 years ago i think? for context, i'm a female assigned at birth and always have been, i never really questioned it. i've had insecurities and stuff, like never really liking my body, but i'm pretty sure this is normal for anyone my age. i've always known i like all genders on the spectrum also, like since i was rlly young. but the rethinking of my gender only came on about two years ago. at first, i'd always get jealous when i'd see two guys kiss. with most couples i see them and think it's cute, but with gay couples i still thought it was cute but was always kind of envious? at first i thought i was a homophobe but my gay friend assured me i'm not, and then i thought i had a gay fetish which i definately do not. then i'd see various guys on tv and just think 'i want to be that.' and feel so horrible about myself, it started with that transgender guy from shameless, and the red head guy too. i was thinking i was trans but i think i'm comfortable with the genitals i have? i've never really liked it but i don't think anyone does. and i've always hated having breasts, i've been binding for a few years now, but that's because i don't think they belong in my body, like i'd look much better without them? i catch myself thinking about transitioning a lot if i were transgender, but i always remind myself that i wouldn't turn out the way i want to. like i probably wouldn't be happy with the end product. around the middle of last year i changed my pronouns to she/they, and that never felt right so i just kinda told people i didn't care but they only use she/her which i can't complain about. it's just all so confusing, and it makes me feel bad for no good reason. any help is appreciated, because it's taking a toll on how i look at myself and i never really feel quite right, i never have but it's much more persistent now for some reason. thank you
Admitting you don’t feel right in your own body is the first step - now you need to talk about it to a specialist who can help you.
Best of luck!