Is the key to getting rejected less really to show intent early on?

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Anonymous #1
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Many dating coaches say the reason so many guys get rejected is because they just act friendly. They say that a guy has to show intent to escalate towards romance and sex early on (through subtle things initially like touching hand gently, touching lower back gently, complimenting her etc but not too much and then slowly escalate whilst reading social cues). Is this true?
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CaptainDuckie
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If you and this girl are talking or something, I think being clear you like them will consist of compliments/ flirting - I guess flirting can consist of physical stuff.

Girls who are single will normally put someone who they know on a somewhat personal level into three categories tbh.
Either “nothing” to “just friends” to “interesting/talking”. Respectively.

To definitely go into the direction of interested/talking stage, you need to progress from stages of nothing to being friendly to showing your somewhat interested in more than that. Not necessarily sex and such though. Just something that pushes the boundaries of what a normal friendship would consist of.
If you behave “friendly” but not any flirting, I guess you’re more at risk of being put into the “just friends” category.

There are different paces at which each of these stages are crossed. Some remain longer in the “just friends” but progress into “interested/talking”, or sometimes straight into the “interested/talking”.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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fallen_acorns
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Basically yes.

It’s not that you get rejected less, it’s just that you get rejected (figure out where you stand) at a point where it’s not as painful.

If you show your intent early, likely you like her a bit, but aren’t that fixed or committed, so after she shows she’s not interested it doesn’t even feel much like a rejections. Most guys who hold it in for ages slow themselves to become so committed, infatuated, taken etc, before having any clue if its mutual or not, and then they do get really hurt when they find out it’s not.
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SlaveofAll
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Social mores don't seem to approve of open expressions of attraction, so many people will have to resort to cues and subterfuge for giving signals, and it seems to be cumbersome.
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miser
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Part of being attractive (for a guy) is to be confident and not afraid of what the girl thinks of you. Not showing your interest is a strategy to protect yourself from rejection - it's pretty unattractive. That being said, it's not like you should confess your feelings either - just show interest, e.g. by asking her phone number or asking her out, etc. If you wait a long time being friendly while you work up the courage, she's going to wonder where your interest came from all of a sudden, and probably realise you were too scared to show it earlier.
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by miser)
Part of being attractive (for a guy) is to be confident and not afraid of what the girl thinks of you. Not showing your interest is a strategy to protect yourself from rejection - it's pretty unattractive. That being said, it's not like you should confess your feelings either - just show interest, e.g. by asking her phone number or asking her out, etc. If you wait a long time being friendly while you work up the courage, she's going to wonder where your interest came from all of a sudden, and probably realise you were too scared to show it earlier.
Not everyone can have any reason to be confident, since not everyone has it all.
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Zarek
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It largely nonsense, you get rejected if the person doesn’t fancy you and has better options. A decision tends to be made on this pretty quickly, based on appearance and humour
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Many dating coaches say the reason so many guys get rejected is because they just act friendly. They say that a guy has to show intent to escalate towards romance and sex early on (through subtle things initially like touching hand gently, touching lower back gently, complimenting her etc but not too much and then slowly escalate whilst reading social cues). Is this true?
Yes, those are all important pieces in the jigsaw-puzzle to interacting with women in a skilful way.

When it comes down to it, they are all just effective marketing and sales techniques.



(Original post by SlaveofAll)
Not everyone can have any reason to be confident, since not everyone has it all.
There isn't too much of a link between having it all and being confident.

Think of all of the people that you've met that have come across as confident that had nothing or next to nothing.

And besides, no-one has it all. Having enough is enough.

(Original post by Zarek)
It largely nonsense, you get rejected if the person doesn’t fancy you and has better options. A decision tends to be made on this pretty quickly, based on appearance and humour
Whilst looks are of some importance, they are not as important as suggested in this post.

(Original post by fallen_acorns)
Basically yes.

It’s not that you get rejected less, it’s just that you get rejected (figure out where you stand) at a point where it’s not as painful.

If you show your intent early, likely you like her a bit, but aren’t that fixed or committed, so after she shows she’s not interested it doesn’t even feel much like a rejections. Most guys who hold it in for ages slow themselves to become so committed, infatuated, taken etc, before having any clue if its mutual or not, and then they do get really hurt when they find out it’s not.
You do get rejected less when you make your intentions more apparent from the start. When done in a socially calibrated way.
That's because it's more masculine. It's a more emotionally strong approach.
Masculinity and strength in men is attractive to women.
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
There isn't too much of a link between having it all and being confident.

Think of all of the people that you've met that have come across as confident that had nothing or next to nothing.

And besides, no-one has it all. Having enough is enough.
I never said about correlation between having it all and self-confidence. I did point out though that that being endowed with good things can help boost one's self-confidence.
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Anonymous #1
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So basically what I’m trying to find out is. Is whether a woman Rejects or accepts a guys advances simply based wholly on his looks/personality and a decision that’s made early on. Or is it based on how he behaves/his social and flirting skills and hence something the guy can control? My gut feeling is that it’s a mix of both. But having said that a guy should focus more on the latter because that’s the part he can do something about.
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Anonymous #1
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And can a guy get rejected because he took too long to show his intent even if she liked him a bit or was at least potentially interested at the start?
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miser
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
Not everyone can have any reason to be confident, since not everyone has it all.
Sure, I agree. It's almost pointless to "reason" yourself into being confident and I wouldn't suggest otherwise.
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by miser)
Sure, I agree. It's almost pointless to "reason" yourself into being confident and I wouldn't suggest otherwise.
That's why I set myself up for the task of bringing positivity to those who need it, even I'm "half-empty" myself.

If I'm not gonna do it, who will?
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LiftandRead
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
Social mores don't seem to approve of open expressions of attraction, so many people will have to resort to cues and subterfuge for giving signals, and it seems to be cumbersome.
This, have to be subtle about it, but once you see those signs its better to start the interaction and progress in the romantic direction. Being shy/coy each time causes her attraction of you to fade, she perceives as less confident at least that's what I've noticed. I'm a Christian and I'd say this is true for Christian girls too although they're more likely to give another chance, of course here the end goal is progressing towards marriage rather than s*x etc.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LiftandRead)
This, have to be subtle about it, but once you see those signs its better to start the interaction and progress in the romantic direction. Being shy/coy each time causes her attraction of you to fade, she perceives as less confident at least that's what I've noticed. I'm a Christian and I'd say this is true for Christian girls too although they're more likely to give another chance, of course here the end goal is progressing towards marriage rather than s*x etc.
So basically you have to play games.
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LiftandRead
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So basically you have to play games.
It's best to avoid games but a lot of games some guys play are to fake attributes that aren't there and elicit responses they wouldn't be able to otherwise, if you work on your Faith and set goals for yourself you'll attain these things naturally you won't have to play certain games because it's who you are naturally to be attractive in that way. However it's important to understand how people work, and from the little experience I have lol, I've found acting intentionally yields better results which means either progress or a quick rejection. If you have to play multiple games with a girl, you have to assess why this is the case, and if you intend on marrying her she's likely not suitable.

There are also issues with that method when you want to settle down, look into the qualities you'd like in a woman. Honestly the Bible is the best and I think the proper way to live life and tells you all of what you need. A lot of the dating coaches and PUAs live in the flesh, I used to follow them and their journey is a never ending jumping from one girl to another, and once they're bored with women they are listless, or latch onto a business, not finding fulfilment, that is the best case scenario of a life of the flesh. If you live to improve spiritually you will find fulfilment there.
Last edited by LiftandRead; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LiftandRead)
It's best to avoid games but a lot of games some guys play are to fake attributes that aren't there and elicit responses they wouldn't be able to otherwise, if you work on your Faith and set goals for yourself you'll attain these things naturally you won't have to play certain games because it's who you are naturally to be attractive in that way. However it's important to understand how people work, and from the little experience I have lol, I've found acting intentionally yields better results which means either progress or a quick rejection. If you have to play multiple games with a girl, you have to assess why this is the case, and if you intend on marrying her she's likely not suitable.

There are also issues with that method when you want to settle down, look into the qualities you'd like in a woman. Honestly the Bible is the best and I think the proper way to live life and tells you all of what you need. A lot of the dating coaches and PUAs live in the flesh, I used to follow them and their journey is a never ending jumping from one girl to another, and once they're bored with women they are listless, or latch onto a business, not finding fulfilment, that is the best case scenario of a life of the flesh. If you live to improve spiritually you will find fulfilment there.
What if literally no girl is attracted to you when you’re being genuine?
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by LiftandRead)
This, have to be subtle about it, but once you see those signs its better to start the interaction and progress in the romantic direction. Being shy/coy each time causes her attraction of you to fade, she perceives as less confident at least that's what I've noticed. I'm a Christian and I'd say this is true for Christian girls too although they're more likely to give another chance, of course here the end goal is progressing towards marriage rather than s*x etc.
This is why I set myself up for the task of helping people find love.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
This is why I set myself up for the task of helping people find love.
Can you help me find love?
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Can you help me find love?
If any guy will be your first, and if you sent me a private message first, why not?
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