is it good to have high/reasonable standards when it comes to dating?

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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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If your standards are so high that you're ruling out literally everybody who shows an interest in you, or that you are getting offers/opportunities and frequently dismissing them as unsuitable whilst not finding opportunities you deem suitable....then yes, i would say your standards are too high.

I think both men and women can fall into this trap, but due to gender norms (the man typically asking out the woman) I tend to see more women than men with high standards, as they have more options
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shooonthebeat
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It varies for everyone. I wouldn't say it's bad to have high standards as long you don't have unrealistic expectations.
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OctoberRain7
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"High standards" often just mean only going out with people who you're properly attracted to instead of giving anyone who expresses interest "a chance", asking out anyone you find remotely attractive, or ignoring your basic attraction dealbreakers to give something else a go. I'd say it's a good way to be - I don't personally see the point in wasting my time on people I can't fall for. But if you're not actively going after people who meet your standards then it could cause problems for you.
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ważzer
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Of course you should be attracted to whoever you date. I would recommend you adopt standards that will filter out those who will not respect you (e.g. "treats wait staff kindly", "talks to mother respectfully") over those which are just arbitrary (e.g. "left-handed", "doesn't wear backpacks"
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CaptainDuckie
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I think there is nothing wrong with having a reasonable standard when it comes to the dating pool. We know that if your standards are lowered, you will be attracted to more people, thus you will have better chances of getting onto a relationship with this person. Whereas, if your standards are high, you have less of an opportunity but it’s focusing on qualitative filtering rather than quantitative filtering.
Which is better as you’ll be more content that this person you date meets your needs one way of the other. Whether that be; personality, hobbies etc. I would say that is a quite reasonable standard to have. It’s from a domain of mutual feeling.
A high standard, on the other hand, can become problematic. It’s normally involved when looks get involved. It filters your pool to an extent that you are left in a position where finding someone to meet your standard is hard.
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Moonlight rain
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Absolutely not. A long term relationship should be forever and you're gonna be spending most of your time with this person so you should really really like them. Don't lower your standards just to get a partner.
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Allie4
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Its good to not be delusional and have realistic standards.

First take a VERY good look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you are something special yourself then find someone on the same level as you.
Because in most cases those who have high standards bring nothing to the table themselves so its laughable that they think they deserve a solid 10 when they're like a 5 themselves.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Allie4)
Its good to not be delusional and have realistic standards.

First take a VERY good look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you are something special yourself then find someone on the same level as you.
Because in most cases those who have high standards bring nothing to the table themselves so its laughable that they think they deserve a solid 10 when they're like a 5 themselves.
That sounds like a reason to develop yourself and aspire to be the best version of you that you can be, not a reason to lower your dating standards. Nobody should decide to be unpicky and let unpleasant people into their life just because they consider themselves to be boring or not conventionally beautiful. A healthy sense of self-respect and self-value is important not just in dating but in most areas of life.

I'm of the opinion that everyone is special in their own way, and deserve to be happy.
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CountBread
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Yes but people take ''high standards'' to mean great looks, wealth, power, etc.

Finding someone who actually loves you for your virtues and your good qualities (not ur money or ur jawline), challenges you in a good way, brings the best out of you, etc is having high standards and it's difficult to find.
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Allie4
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
That sounds like a reason to develop yourself and aspire to be the best version of you that you can be, not a reason to lower your dating standards. Nobody should decide to be unpicky and let unpleasant people into their life just because they consider themselves to be boring or not conventionally beautiful. A healthy sense of self-respect and self-value is important not just in dating but in most areas of life.

I'm of the opinion that everyone is special in their own way, and deserve to be happy.
but its not that black and white, either pick a 10 or pick someone completely unpleasant. there is a middle-ground
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ANM775
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(Original post by Allie4)
Its good to not be delusional and have realistic standards.

First take a VERY good look at yourself in the mirror and decide if you are something special yourself then find someone on the same level as you.
Because in most cases those who have high standards bring nothing to the table themselves so its laughable that they think they deserve a solid 10 when they're like a 5 themselves.

Have you watched youtube video's on how people rate themselves?

I've seen probably 200+ people rate themselves and the vast majority of people over rate themselves.

and then there's people like me who put their photo up for rating by women and get confusing results such as this: https://i.postimg.cc/zX6Pvftp/ratings2020.png



Spoiler:
Show
Do I deserve a megan fox?
Or a megan trainor?

:dontknow:
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Allie4
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(Original post by ANM775)
Have you watched youtube video's on how people rate themselves?

I've seen probably 200+ people rate themselves and the vast majority of people over rate themselves.

and then there's people like me who put their photo up for rating by women and get confusing results such as this: https://i.postimg.cc/zX6Pvftp/ratings2020.png



Spoiler:
Show
Do I deserve a megan fox?
Or a megan trainor?

:dontknow:
cant see your pic, can you post it
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Lucifer323
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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If you are good looking and intelligent then yes!

That why I always have high standards when it comes to picking the ones I want to be with. Dating isn't something I like though.
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Lucifer323
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(Original post by Kovalensky)
Yes but people take ''high standards'' to mean great looks, wealth, power, etc.

Finding someone who actually loves you for your virtues and your good qualities (not ur money or ur jawline), challenges you in a good way, brings the best out of you, etc is having high standards and it's difficult to find.
Not many will love you if you don't have good looks, intelligence, power, wealth, an interesting personality and so on. You don't have to have all but the more you have the more attention and love you get.

For example I get a good amount of attention from women because I am both good looking and intelligent. If I wasn't I would have been where most men are in our days..i.e with very little or no attention at all.
Last edited by Lucifer323; 1 month ago
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becausethenight
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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Depends what you mean.
It's absolutely acceptable to have dating dealbreakers and an idea of what you will and won't put up with, yes.
If you have ten sheets of A4 detailing acceptable professions for a future spouse, might be overkill.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Allie4)
cant see your pic, can you post it
I don't think i'll be posting my pic on this site (too many trolls)

The point I was trying to get at was it can be difficult at times to look at yourself and then know "who to go for" as a lot of people overrate their attractiveness and also if you're a person like me where the opposite sex seems to be conflicted about your attractiveness ...then it's even harder.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by ANM775)
I don't think i'll be posting my pic on this site (too many trolls)

The point I was trying to get at was it can be difficult at times to look at yourself and then know "who to go for" as a lot of people overrate their attractiveness and also if you're a person like me where the opposite sex seems to be conflicted about your attractiveness ...then it's even harder.

This is quite true... I was listening to someone who said they were on a dating app but didn’t get any matches (basically on a 66%)... so this other guy in the podcast questioned him why he thinks he isn’t getting girls.. he said that he genuinely thinks it was because of his Instagram. He saw himself as an above average guy in terms of looks (relatively popular on YouTube, and has money) All the models he followed kind of masked the reality of how normal girls looked like and having this mindset of filtering “average” looking girls is what got him in a hole. So I guess the opposite sex was conflicted with his appearance. So he’s come to accept that unfollowing those kind of girls will make him realise that his expectations are unrealistic and that he should lower his standards more to expand his dating pool.
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Balls_Deep_in_U
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(Original post by Anonymous)
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absolutely.

who want to date an overweight lazy reject.
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CountBread
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(Original post by Lucifer323)
Not many will love you if you don't have good looks, intelligence, power, wealth, an interesting personality and so on. You don't have to have all but the more you have the more attention and love you get.

For example I get a good amount of attention from women because I am both god looking and intelligent. If I wasn't I would have been where most men are in our days..i.e with very little or no attention at all.
It's not love if it's based on such qualities which are either fleeting and superficial (looks) or inherently unstable (power, wealth).

Instead, as far as I am concerned, love should be based on a person's virtues or good qualities. E.g. industriousness, temperance, ambition, etc, . You can have power and wealth without having all these virtues needed to accumulate wealth. You can just inherit it or take it by force, a military coup or something. If someone loves you because you're wealthy with no real concern for your character, their love is hollow.

But if you're actually industrious and those other qualities, it doesn't matter whether your wealth is wiped out. Your qualities mean you will sooner or later bounce back and even if you don't, you will be better off than you'd be if you weren't virtuous. Same with other qualities like being tenacious or determined, focused, etc. Those are virtues that someone can love about you and really love you as a result.

You might become wealthy or have a great body or something if you're hard working, determined and passionate but it's not guaranteed as people have different priorities in life (perhaps wealth isn't your primary aim?) and there are incalculable risks ahead.
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