Advice please

Hi, I just need an advice. Please don’t judge or anything because I’m going through a hard time. So basically, I go to college and I study health and social care. It’s not the best course, but I guess it’s better than nothing. I’m not sure what I want to become or what jobs I’m really interested in with that kind of a course, but with time I’ll see. Anyway so, yesterday night I was watching this movie and it’s kind of related to my life. After watching it I had this thought that there must be something I like or want to become, but what if I can’t do the things I like in my life after marriage or even before. Then I thought about sharing it with my bf and today I shared it with him and I said that, ‘after mar if u tm to do something that im not happy with, then Im sorry I wont listen. Even if your parents try to stop me from achieving ma goal, then I wont listen to them either and idk if its rude but its like i have a life and u only get it once and I want to live it the way i want without anyone stopping me and an example is like a job if I want to work and someone try to stop me then I wont listen. Then he said to me ‘where’s the respect and if I would do the same with my parents too. That’s just a movie and you think it’s the reality and you think I’m gonna treat you like that too in the movie etc’. Then I told him that I want to work too and want to become something in life. Also said if his parents have a problem with the stuff I want to do, then I can’t do anything about it because it’s my life and I want to live it the way I want. He said that we will live in a separate house which means we’ll have our own choices to make. Then I told him that I want to work too and I don’t wanna stay at home just cleaning or cooking. Then he said to me if you’re gonna work then who’s gonna look after the house and who’s gonna be cooking. I was kinda pissed at him, so I said that I’m not marrying you just to look after the house or to cook or clean, I want to become something in life and have the experience. It’s 2021 and girls do work and they can make their own choices too. Then he said to me I’ll do the work etc and earn for both of us, but this is not what I want. I don’t want him to work alone. I want to work and help with earning money. I want to do things together and I’m that kind of a person who doesn’t want to rely on anyone. I want to work and actually have an experience. You get me? I just wanna work and be something like any other person. Then I told him that why dont you stay at home and do the housework and I’ll work. He said to me I’ve got better qualifications etc and he said im only studying health and social and can only work in a care home, cleaning people etc. Tbh, I found this rude. I get it he’s more clever than me, he’s got better qualifications than I do, but it doesn’t mean he had to make fun of me like that. But anyway, the main thing I’m trying to say it that I wanna work and do something in life and not to rely on anyone because I don’t see why I’m going to college and studying if I’m just going to stay at home after marriage. In some ways, I think he’s right too. I mean if we both work then we won’t get to spend a lot of time together and we’ll be busy working etc. Also we r gonna live separate, so if we r working together then it’s gonna be kinda hard to look after the house and also to cook. This is why I think he’s right that I shouldn’t really be working. However, I also have dreams. I want them to come true because we only live once. Life is too short and I just wanna enjoy my life with him. I don’t want to rely on anyone and I want to help him with money etc. I want to do everything together. It’s like 50-50, he’s right and I’m right too. I’m not saying he’s a bad person etc. He’s a great bf, he helps me, he was there for me when no one was, he supported me, he loves me, like he’s amazing, but when it comes to stuff like that then idk he’s just not supportive and he’s not really thinking how would I feel living my life if I’m just going to be looking after our house and clean or cook. I’m just so confused right now and that’s why I thought about using TSR so I can get some advice from you guys which can be helpful.

Thank you

Hi,
Firstly please concise your issues into something that flows, it was very convoluted.
My main take is that you want to live your life unadulterated whilst living with your s/o? That's what I'm going off of so I apologise if I'm wrong

To me you seem to be wanting to plan your life now to a constructive level. It's great that you're passionate for both desires, but to set in stone how it's going to work means you're more likely to break the plan as there is already resentment there.

Therefore for this sole issue, do what you want and they do what they want, that's how relationships work, because you end up with like-minded people.

This stems from the premise of not doing something out of fear of failure. Plan yes, analyse sure, but lock-off for changeable reasons just to feel safe? Not a great idea. By living your life out of passion first, you realise how many sacrifices you can make for one another and decide on what has greater weighting. Subsequently, you'll find whether you want to stick to the path you set out or not. Something's not going to go right at some point, why not arrive at that point on your terms, not by submissing to a sub-par agreement to maintain something that deep down you feel might not work. It sucks to feel scared and raw, but sometimes you have to feel that way to get what everyone wants.

Secondly, I'm not sure you two want to live together. You didn't ask, but it's rather evident that something's not right, whether it's deep or not is the most important thing, but if you read this and get triggered, or agree or anything emotional, there's probably something there. So maybe you may have to argue some more.

Finally the movie in question would be helpful.

Hopefully that helps a little, I struggled to answer as I wasn't 100% on which issue was actually at play.

Good luck champ.

Yepp thank u so much I’ll just do what’s best for me. Not trying to be selfish, but if he has a problem with me working then there might be other things that he might have a problem with. So I guess I’ll just do whatever feels right. Thank u again.

Yes do what you desire. You are right however to think of others, but it gets tricky when it comes down to situations where both parties have equal rights, as you will feel guilty for pitting your goals against another's. However by working with someone, not against, you will always get a good result, even if it doesn't feel like it for now.
M.

That’s right and I don’t want to work because I want to earn more money than him. I just want to help and save our savings for a better future. The thing is I get shy asking money from people even if it’s my parents, and that’s another reason why I want to work so I can be successful and also shows that I don’t rely on anyone. I just imagine a lot of things and I imagined how my life would be like without working and just staying at home. I don’t mind cleaning or cooking it’s just that I also have dreams and I also want to have an experience. Thank u once again