Our “friends” talk about us behind our backs

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Okay so,
‘J’ and I have been best friends since year 7 (we have just finished year 13 together) and through this period we have had our main friendship group through secondary school and another friendship group during sixth form.
Both J and I have a diverse friendship group consisting of both boys and girls - in our secondary friendship group it was us two, our other two girl best friends and the rest are boys. The two girls left to go to a different sixth form but the majority of the boys stayed. Since joining sixth form we both made friends with a girl (let’s call her ‘X’) who we had never spoken to before, who had also been to both our secondary school and sixth form.
Whilst getting close to her, she told us about this crush she had on a boy (let’s call him ‘Y’). Now,I was friends with a few of Ys mates, but we were never close. Because X wanted to get closer to Y, J and I, along with X made an effort to join friendship groups - us three, and Ys group of 4/5 friends (all boys).
Now on to the actual issue….
I once overhead Y talking to one of the boys, and as he did so he referred to the people they were talking about as numbers. I later found out he was referring to us (J, X, myself and another girl who we became friends with, who was kinda mates with Ys friends, but not really). We were on a night out a few days later, and after a couple of drinks I confronted Y about this. It turns out they had been ‘rating’ us, behind our backs and refer to us as our number because it’s ‘easier’. TRUST ME, I gave him a 20 minute lecture, in the bathroom, about why this was wrong. Of course I told X, but she seemed too blindsided by her crush for him that she didn’t care (even when finding out they rated her last, not that it matters because SHE IS BEAUTIFUL). He promised me that he wouldn’t refer to us as numbers again, and said he would tell the boys to stop chatting **** about us behind our back.
The second time I overheard one of their conversations, not only did I hear us, once again, being referred to as numbers but this time the word “blob” was added (e.g blob 1, blob 2). Not only did Y not keep his word, he even added on to the name calling (blob being a derogatory term for a girl who’s basically irrelevant, ugly, and just not worth the time). Again, I pulled Y up on this, and he promised to “leave me out of it”…. Stop chatting shut about ALL OF US!!!!
Now you know the story, here’s my dilemma.
X does not like mine and Js previous boy mates one bit. I don’t know why, but she does. However, despite knowing about all the horrible things those boys say about us (oh yes, it gets worse than playground insults such as “blob” for example insinuating that the only way one of us would get sex is through abuse) X still fancies Y, and still wants to be around the boys, in fact she even booked us on a holiday with them.
J and I have not liked the way we have been treated, as the boys are more X friends than ours anyway, we’ve drifted from our old group because of X and basically have had enough. X invites us all around to hers a lot, and more recently J and I have been making up excuses not to attend such meets (because why should I spend my time with these people!) X doesn’t mind, has the boys over anyway. The boys have made it fairly clear they use X for her house, as her parents are quite relaxed on her having friends over but she really doesn’t mind as it means she can get closer with Y (you’re probs screaming at the screen right now, we’ve told her multiple times that all of this is wrong but she won’t listen - then again, she’s a big girl and can make her own decisions).
More recently, the boys have began to message J and I asking why we aren't there. A lot of the time when we would go, the boys would make jokes such as “who even asked you to come?” (This sounds really mean but to be fair to them it really is just banta in that situation) and so when asking why I wouldn’t come my usual response would be “u don’t even want us there lol”. Now it’s been so long since we’ve been to a meet up, most of them have actually been nicer towards me, for example “you never come out anymore, I like speaking to you and it’s sad that we don’t see you”.
I really don’t know what to think….
Not to be up my own arse, but a lot of people have complemented me on my appearance before but since becoming friends with these boys I’ve never felt as self conscious in my entire life. I don’t want to be a ‘blob’. I have been going to the gym every day (im a size 8 in clothes) I try to stay in calorie deficit, I’ve even bloody dyed my hair trying to escape such title and it’s not even for their validation it’s more of: **** these guys think of me like this, does everyone!?
I don’t know what to do. Ive spoken to the lads, (I’ve messaged them it just seemed that when I kept overhearing it was always Y speaking) and ive told the girls, but whatever J and I do, X won’t listen. X really likes them all as friends, but I really am beginning to loose my ****. If I decided not to be friends with Y and all his mates, I could make it extremely awkward for everyone throughout summer (as we have plans) and ultimately end up ruining everything for people.

What the hell do I do??????

J is leaving to move to America for university in August, she’s annoyed about the situation but isn’t too bothered as she won’t be seeing them again, unlike me, who may be attending university with them.
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SlaveofAll
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#2
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Is looking for a new set of friends out of the question for you?
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Anonymous #2
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so,
‘J’ and I have been best friends since year 7 (we have just finished year 13 together) and through this period we have had our main friendship group through secondary school and another friendship group during sixth form.
Both J and I have a diverse friendship group consisting of both boys and girls - in our secondary friendship group it was us two, our other two girl best friends and the rest are boys. The two girls left to go to a different sixth form but the majority of the boys stayed. Since joining sixth form we both made friends with a girl (let’s call her ‘X’) who we had never spoken to before, who had also been to both our secondary school and sixth form.
Whilst getting close to her, she told us about this crush she had on a boy (let’s call him ‘Y’). Now,I was friends with a few of Ys mates, but we were never close. Because X wanted to get closer to Y, J and I, along with X made an effort to join friendship groups - us three, and Ys group of 4/5 friends (all boys).
Now on to the actual issue….
I once overhead Y talking to one of the boys, and as he did so he referred to the people they were talking about as numbers. I later found out he was referring to us (J, X, myself and another girl who we became friends with, who was kinda mates with Ys friends, but not really). We were on a night out a few days later, and after a couple of drinks I confronted Y about this. It turns out they had been ‘rating’ us, behind our backs and refer to us as our number because it’s ‘easier’. TRUST ME, I gave him a 20 minute lecture, in the bathroom, about why this was wrong. Of course I told X, but she seemed too blindsided by her crush for him that she didn’t care (even when finding out they rated her last, not that it matters because SHE IS BEAUTIFUL). He promised me that he wouldn’t refer to us as numbers again, and said he would tell the boys to stop chatting **** about us behind our back.
The second time I overheard one of their conversations, not only did I hear us, once again, being referred to as numbers but this time the word “blob” was added (e.g blob 1, blob 2). Not only did Y not keep his word, he even added on to the name calling (blob being a derogatory term for a girl who’s basically irrelevant, ugly, and just not worth the time). Again, I pulled Y up on this, and he promised to “leave me out of it”…. Stop chatting shut about ALL OF US!!!!
Now you know the story, here’s my dilemma.
X does not like mine and Js previous boy mates one bit. I don’t know why, but she does. However, despite knowing about all the horrible things those boys say about us (oh yes, it gets worse than playground insults such as “blob” for example insinuating that the only way one of us would get sex is through abuse) X still fancies Y, and still wants to be around the boys, in fact she even booked us on a holiday with them.
J and I have not liked the way we have been treated, as the boys are more X friends than ours anyway, we’ve drifted from our old group because of X and basically have had enough. X invites us all around to hers a lot, and more recently J and I have been making up excuses not to attend such meets (because why should I spend my time with these people!) X doesn’t mind, has the boys over anyway. The boys have made it fairly clear they use X for her house, as her parents are quite relaxed on her having friends over but she really doesn’t mind as it means she can get closer with Y (you’re probs screaming at the screen right now, we’ve told her multiple times that all of this is wrong but she won’t listen - then again, she’s a big girl and can make her own decisions).
More recently, the boys have began to message J and I asking why we aren't there. A lot of the time when we would go, the boys would make jokes such as “who even asked you to come?” (This sounds really mean but to be fair to them it really is just banta in that situation) and so when asking why I wouldn’t come my usual response would be “u don’t even want us there lol”. Now it’s been so long since we’ve been to a meet up, most of them have actually been nicer towards me, for example “you never come out anymore, I like speaking to you and it’s sad that we don’t see you”.
I really don’t know what to think….
Not to be up my own arse, but a lot of people have complemented me on my appearance before but since becoming friends with these boys I’ve never felt as self conscious in my entire life. I don’t want to be a ‘blob’. I have been going to the gym every day (im a size 8 in clothes) I try to stay in calorie deficit, I’ve even bloody dyed my hair trying to escape such title and it’s not even for their validation it’s more of: **** these guys think of me like this, does everyone!?
I don’t know what to do. Ive spoken to the lads, (I’ve messaged them it just seemed that when I kept overhearing it was always Y speaking) and ive told the girls, but whatever J and I do, X won’t listen. X really likes them all as friends, but I really am beginning to loose my ****. If I decided not to be friends with Y and all his mates, I could make it extremely awkward for everyone throughout summer (as we have plans) and ultimately end up ruining everything for people.

What the hell do I do??????

J is leaving to move to America for university in August, she’s annoyed about the situation but isn’t too bothered as she won’t be seeing them again, unlike me, who may be attending university with them.
Wasnt that a ****ing book.

Firstly im sorry you had to experience such things, even if it wasnt directes to you. Secomdly , if you told X multiple times how she was disrespected and didnt listen , she will fond it out herself sooner or later - some people wanr it tbag way for some reason but cant really blame them for being stupid.

And honestly who tf cares if u r going to the same uni wirh them . U saw how they treated you and your friends, and there sudden change of attitude seems like an absolute facade. I just finished sixth form with some of then and believe me , they dont chabge no matter how many times u tell them off. As i can see , J and ur other mates r the closest compared to Y and the ohers? So if u dont enjoy there company , **** them . U are not obligated to go to any plan u have previously arranged if u dont want to go , ur mental state is more important and clearly those people wont bring u any kind of peace , or will just get angrier. Their sudden change of attitude could also be cuz of ur appearance, as u said u r attractive and rhose kind of guys only look for that, so doenst that say a lot. Going to uni , u will meet so many new people and u can just ignore the presence of self-centred ego maniacs. ( those guys reallt seen like that , correct me if im wrong but dont really give a ****) . U shouldnt have to care what they think or any of that ****. Man up and delete them out of ur life , its so not worth it in the end. Would u rather have 2 quilty friends or 100 acquaintances ? Plus as u said , ur friend J is going soon , so y not do someone u both will enjoy instead of pretending to like someone else's company.

Put on ur big girl pants and realsie that those people aint **** and this is real life , so u dont have to listen to people like them anymore. Plus are they some type of royalty cuz if not dont give them the attention they eant in the future ( as u said u would be going to the same uni) , plus uni life is so much work and ect. U will be too busy with ur own life anyways .

If this sounds harsh- sorry , just people need to be straight forward anout how things r
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Wasnt that a ****ing book.

Firstly im sorry you had to experience such things, even if it wasnt directes to you. Secomdly , if you told X multiple times how she was disrespected and didnt listen , she will fond it out herself sooner or later - some people wanr it tbag way for some reason but cant really blame them for being stupid.

And honestly who tf cares if u r going to the same uni wirh them . U saw how they treated you and your friends, and there sudden change of attitude seems like an absolute facade. I just finished sixth form with some of then and believe me , they dont chabge no matter how many times u tell them off. As i can see , J and ur other mates r the closest compared to Y and the ohers? So if u dont enjoy there company , **** them . U are not obligated to go to any plan u have previously arranged if u dont want to go , ur mental state is more important and clearly those people wont bring u any kind of peace , or will just get angrier. Their sudden change of attitude could also be cuz of ur appearance, as u said u r attractive and rhose kind of guys only look for that, so doenst that say a lot. Going to uni , u will meet so many new people and u can just ignore the presence of self-centred ego maniacs. ( those guys reallt seen like that , correct me if im wrong but dont really give a ****) . U shouldnt have to care what they think or any of that ****. Man up and delete them out of ur life , its so not worth it in the end. Would u rather have 2 quilty friends or 100 acquaintances ? Plus as u said , ur friend J is going soon , so y not do someone u both will enjoy instead of pretending to like someone else's company.

Put on ur big girl pants and realsie that those people aint **** and this is real life , so u dont have to listen to people like them anymore. Plus are they some type of royalty cuz if not dont give them the attention they eant in the future ( as u said u would be going to the same uni) , plus uni life is so much work and ect. U will be too busy with ur own life anyways .

If this sounds harsh- sorry , just people need to be straight forward anout how things r
I need harsh! And to be honest, you haven’t said much that I don’t already know (deep down inside).
I really just don’t want to ruin everyone’s summer!! Everything inside me is screaming to tell them to f*** off, but I’m trying to think about everyone else, such as my friend with the crush, and J who is leaving soon!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
Is looking for a new set of friends out of the question for you?
Honestly, I’m still really close with my secondary set of friends. I would have no problem detaching from this group and staying purely with them, I just worry I’ll upset my friend with the crush! If I make a scene, she’ll feel she has to choose and if I make her fall out with the guy likes, I’ll feel like a sh*t friend!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I need harsh! And to be honest, you haven’t said much that I don’t already know (deep down inside).
I really just don’t want to ruin everyone’s summer!! Everything inside me is screaming to tell them to f*** off, but I’m trying to think about everyone else, such as my friend with the crush, and J who is leaving soon!
U want harsh -stop thinking about everyone else ffs , u already warned ur frined , idk how many times about that dumb crush of hers so let her just bang her head in to the truth as she didnt want to listen the first few times. And y would u think of her anyways , when she was inviting u and J over , and u made excuses , she didnt seem too bothered as she invited them no matter if u were there or not.

Ur not going to ruin everyone else's summer but only urs of u carry on like that . U said J is leaving soon, do smth with J then , go somewhere else idk , figure it out and u said she aint too bothered about it if u guys end up going or not .

So who is really the one bothered about the whole show cuz it doenst seem like anyone else is giving a **** but u .
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly, I’m still really close with my secondary set of friends. I would have no problem detaching from this group and staying purely with them, I just worry I’ll upset my friend with the crush! If I make a scene, she’ll feel she has to choose and if I make her fall out with the guy likes, I’ll feel like a sh*t friend!
Perhaps you really need to expand your circle if only to avoid what you said above.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
U want harsh -stop thinking about everyone else ffs , u already warned ur frined , idk how many times about that dumb crush of hers so let her just bang her head in to the truth as she didnt want to listen the first few times. And y would u think of her anyways , when she was inviting u and J over , and u made excuses , she didnt seem too bothered as she invited them no matter if u were there or not.

Ur not going to ruin everyone else's summer but only urs of u carry on like that . U said J is leaving soon, do smth with J then , go somewhere else idk , figure it out and u said she aint too bothered about it if u guys end up going or not .

So who is really the one bothered about the whole show cuz it doenst seem like anyone else is giving a **** but u .
ugh you’re completely right!
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Anonymous #3
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so hard to read bro
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