Death memorial and relationship ?

Watch
Jesswhats
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Bf took me out for my mums death memorial and gave me a big speech on how he’s there for me and the grieving. His sisters death memorial is coming up too and I’m not sure what to say or do he’ll be going out of town to be with his family. I’m not really good at these things and speaking about sensitive topics so I’m not sure what to do.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
You don't have to say anything. Everyone grieves differently and in their own way. No need for you to get uncomfortable.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
You don't have to say anything. Everyone grieves differently and in their own way. No need for you to get uncomfortable.
I don’t want him to think I don’t care. He bought me a gift took me out and spoke to me to reassure me he is always here to talk
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t want him to think I don’t care. He bought me a gift took me out and spoke to me to reassure me he is always here to talk
You are not there to appease him. You are there to pay your respects to the dead. If he thinks you don't care because you didn't give some stupid speech then get out of there fast - you'll have dodged a bullet.
0
reply
Jesswhats
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
You are not there to appease him. You are there to pay your respects to the dead. If he thinks you don't care because you didn't give some stupid speech then get out of there fast - you'll have dodged a bullet.
Okay what about the gift and taking him out. He did this obviously to cheer me up. Btw I won’t be going it’s his family and him and mine was my family and me obviously. He also messaged me on the day asking how it went. Should I do that?

Sorry asking so many questions. I overthink a lot.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Jesswhats)
Okay what about the gift and taking him out. He did this obviously to cheer me up. Btw I won’t be going it’s his family and him and mine was my family and me obviously. He also messaged me on the day asking how it went. Should I do that?

Sorry asking so many questions. I overthink a lot.
Gifts and take outs sets a precedence for all future events like this. Don't set that precedence. You gotta stick to what you're comfortable with. His idea of kind gestures is not necessarily your idea of kind gestures. If you have your own type of kind gestures you like doing then do that instead - if you prefer not to do anything during such events, then don't. Ain't no right or wrong here. If the guy is mature enough he won't make a big deal out of this.

It sounds like he's not making a big deal out of it. If he messaged you asking how it went, well then just tell him i.e. "yeah great, appreciate everything you've done to make me feel included - thanks etc." or however you wanna do it.
0
reply
Jesswhats
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Gifts and take outs sets a precedence for all future events like this. Don't set that precedence. You gotta stick to what you're comfortable with. His idea of kind gestures is not necessarily your idea of kind gestures. If you have your own type of kind gestures you like doing then do that instead - if you prefer not to do anything during such events, then don't. Ain't no right or wrong here. If the guy is mature enough he won't make a big deal out of this.

It sounds like he's not making a big deal out of it. If he messaged you asking how it went, well then just tell him i.e. "yeah great, appreciate everything you've done to make me feel included - thanks etc." or however you wanna do it.
Me and him aren’t really speaking right now as I’m annoyed about something he did. Should I wish him a good day tomorrow? ( tomorrow marks his sister death) or leave it.
0
reply
Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Jesswhats)
Me and him aren’t really speaking right now as I’m annoyed about something he did. Should I wish him a good day tomorrow? ( tomorrow marks his sister death) or leave it.
Always be kind. If nothing else, be kind - never be deliberately cruel or spiteful. Wish him well as you normally would for any person going through something like this. And then move on.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (33)
29.73%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (10)
9.01%
No I am happy with my choice (61)
54.95%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (7)
6.31%

Watched Threads

View All