I really don't know where he's gone? (Long but please help!)

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
I'm a 22 year old girl and joined a dating site cos I'm so fed up of having no experience with men yet, not even sex. I get way too much attention on there, so I've had to narrow it down and atm i have my sights set on 3 different men I've matched with. None of them know about each other. The best looking one and one I most like, I actually met on the site in march! We started talking at easter via snapchat, he said I was perfect girlfriend material but before we could start discussing dates i started suffering depression over something in my life and needed to put myself first for a bit. I didn't realise I'd not talked to him for 7 weeks, but after explaining my absence and letting him know i didn't wanna put it on him he seemed to understand which surprised me cos for the first few weeks we were talking he was really confident and I couldn't imagine him ever feeling down. He said "awww I know we all feel like that sometimes glad you feel better now" and he said he was more than happy to start talking again, even though I knew he had one night stands with other girls we seemed to just pick up where we left off

But after the first few days of talking again I noticed he'd suddenly become a bit insecure. He started asking things like "would you like to **** me" etc. Before he was a bit cocky, but now he's suddenly really unsure of himself. I have no confidence and really low self esteem but he really was the total opposite before. I don't know what changed. It was nice to see his softer and more sensitive side though, men are expected to hide their feelings but deep down they're just as vulnerable as us females. I tried to play it cool a bit cos I didn't wanna come on too strong, but I gave him enough to know I still liked him and was definitely interested in meeting up after lockdown to see what happens. He works nights in the week so I didn't think much of him taking ages to reply. We were only talking a few times a day but that was my fault cos I told him I don't use my phone that much

He hasn't messaged back, read my messages or even been online for 9 days. It's not that he's suddenly not interested in me anymore, cos the last time he messaged back he saved my messages (he actually has saved everything we've ever said to each other) but he disappeared so abruptly after then and he used to change his snapchat story daily. That's stopped too. Someone else I was talking to months back suddenly kept me on delivered but I knew he was ignoring me cos he kept changing his snapchat story. Not him, he hasn't been online at all. I messaged him on saturday just to say "I hope everything's ok" etc. I proved i cared and I proved I'm interested in case he doesn't think I am. It's still on delivered though. I know I'm in no place to question his whereabouts cos of how long I was away, but I get anxious when it's been longer than expected. I've left the ball in his court now I'm not gonna message unless or until he comes back but I was thinking of putting my dating life on hold til he does cos I like him the most but what do you think has happened to him? I'm starting to think he's dead.
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Theloniouss
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He probably just isn't into you anymore. It happens.
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Final Fantasy
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He wants to have sex with you and then move on. He's got plenty of other women on the side as you yourself admitted, and you also took way too long. After you came back online, he prob just trying to speed up the process but you're not responding the way he wants so he's ghosted you now.

You really should review your choice of candidates on these apps.

If you just wanna have sex then go ahead and tell him. Just don't delude yourself into thinking he wants a serious relationship. It ain't gonna happen and you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 4 weeks ago
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CaptainDuckie
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From the sounds of it, sorry to break it to you but he just wants sex with you. And, how you explained it as replying back to him not coming off too strong, he probably didn’t / doesn’t want to waste any more time with you. He probably has many other girls he’s having sex with. So he can ghost you whenever he wants. Don’t put your dating life on hold, go ahead and move on but do message him if he comes back if sex is the only thing you’re after. As technically nothing is exclusive between both of you.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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I think I got to the bottom of this, I don't think it's anything to do with me. One of the other men I'm talking to seemed to have gone cold too, not replying yesterday. He got in touch this morning to let me know he's got the virus and feels like absolute ****. Maybe that's what's up with the other bloke? If he's not working he's at the gym, maybe someone passed it on or something
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ROTL94
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Report 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I got to the bottom of this, I don't think it's anything to do with me. One of the other men I'm talking to seemed to have gone cold too, not replying yesterday. He got in touch this morning to let me know he's got the virus and feels like absolute ****. Maybe that's what's up with the other bloke? If he's not working he's at the gym, maybe someone passed it on or something
Maybe or you ghosting these blokes for almost two months put them off you?
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WazzWazz98
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think I got to the bottom of this, I don't think it's anything to do with me. One of the other men I'm talking to seemed to have gone cold too, not replying yesterday. He got in touch this morning to let me know he's got the virus and feels like absolute ****. Maybe that's what's up with the other bloke? If he's not working he's at the gym, maybe someone passed it on or something
i think you need to be really specific on your profile about what you are looking for and make sure your matches are fully aware of this to avoid any disappointment
but unfortunately this does happen a lot on dating profiles because no one has to put as much effort in as before so people just dont take it seriously imo
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GabiAbi84
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Can I just clarify something…

How is asking someone if they want to have sex with them “unsure” or “insecure” or “a softer side”?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by ROTL94)
Maybe or you ghosting these blokes for almost two months put them off you?
No cos the one who has coronavirus and me only started talking last week and never went a day without talking til yesterday. And I did explain to the one who's disappeared without trace why I was away and he understood. I said when he asked if I wanna **** "do you really need to ask that question? Course I do." Snapped him a snap of my feet cos I had them painted blue. He said he thinks feet are disgusting and I asked him is he watching football cos England were playing. He replied "nah I don't really follow football tbh x" 2 weeks ago today and that was the last thing he said to me. I don't like feet and football neither but I thought all men did. But there's no way that's what stopped him talking, I tried to talk to him about anything and everything but all I could seem to get outta him was talk about sex and dirty things
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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He's really fit though even though I think he's a player
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