Virgin at 30 help

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
I've manged to get to my 30th birthday without ever having sex or getting a girlfriend. I haven't met anyone through hobbies and interests and I have had no success online dating either. I worry that I'm running out of time to experience sex and love while I'm still young and that I won't ever get married and have children.
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Final Fantasy
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Mate, I recommend you never tell anyone this in real life. :lol:
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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CountBread
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You won't get any useful advice here btw.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Mate, I recommend you never tell anyone this in real life. :lol:
I lie to everyone about this and make stuff up.
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mnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I lie to everyone about this and make stuff up.
Maybe this is the problem
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mnot)
Maybe this is the problem
I find it embarrassing though.
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Joleee
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what kind of hobbies and interests?
what kind of work do you do?
you go to church or anything?

dating apps rarely(!) work mate; you cannot sell yourself well on a dating app, there's too much competition, everyone is shooting above their grade level, lots of people on there aren't that serious and just doing it to kill time. i don't do dating apps but learned this through general observation.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
what kind of hobbies and interests?
what kind of work do you do?
you go to church or anything?

dating apps rarely(!) work mate; you cannot sell yourself well on a dating app, there's too much competition, everyone is shooting above their grade level, lots of people on there aren't that serious and just doing it to kill time. i don't do dating apps but learned this through general observation.
My hobbies include going to the gym, running, travel (pre-covid) and going on nights out.

I work in consulting and I hoped that I would find someone at work but that hasn't happened.

I don't go to church as I'm not religious.
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2B_or_not_2B
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've manged to get to my 30th birthday without ever having sex or getting a girlfriend. I haven't met anyone through hobbies and interests and I have had no success online dating either. I worry that I'm running out of time to experience sex and love while I'm still young and that I won't ever get married and have children.
here is what you do.
1. First take a long hard look in the mirror and asses what is going on. Are you unattractive, is it something you can change?. You would be surprised what decent threads and a good haircut can do. Are you over weight ? get in the gym.
2. What about personality? if you walk around with a face like a smacked ass of course you are going to turn people off. Are you angry, bitter and resentful at your lack of success in the dating world? trust me people can pick up on these things.
3. Stop looking and putting all your eggs in one basket. Work on yourself, get hobbies, make new friends. When you have an interesting rich life (not in terms of money) you'll find people will flock to you.
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Anonymous #2
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No hope for you
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've manged to get to my 30th birthday without ever having sex or getting a girlfriend. I haven't met anyone through hobbies and interests and I have had no success online dating either. I worry that I'm running out of time to experience sex and love while I'm still young and that I won't ever get married and have children.
How would you rate your social skills and ability to communicate with others. Nonetheless, do you find yourself attractive and confident because if you don’t you’ll never reach nowhere. Also, maybe try being open and less awkward but don’t be annoying and creepy. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and it took me a while to realise how to act towards them.
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NonIndigenous
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I avoided relationships and flings for the the better part of 10 years. Didn't want the drama.

I was right.
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ecomhero
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Have you tried cold approach, where you approach women you find interesting in public places like street, coffee shops, museums, gym, park? Great way to meet lots of women in real life without having to rely on a social circle or going to a nightclub.

It does require you leaving your comfort zone and getting over your fear of rejection. I have friends who do really well this and are able to get about 2 new dates a week and get relationships. Also, a great way to practice getting confident and expressing yourself authentically to women.

I recommend getting the book "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" by Mark Manson to learn how to attract women in an authentic way. Also, it's worth getting a dating coach like James Tusk who can help you identify what is holding you back. You can checkout his Youtube Channel "Tusk".

Also, you need to heal the inner stuff too, as a lot of our lives by the patterns we got from childhood. Guys who struggle with women tend to have the similar characteristics: neediness, people pleasing, seeking approval, low self esteem, social anxiety. A lot of these patterns are result of experiences in the childhood. I recommend checking out Marisa Peer. She has lots of hypnotic audios to help with self esteem, confidence and relationships on her site and Youtube. Also, if you want to go further you can get one of her certified rtt coaches to do a session to find the root cause of issues like low esteem, neediness etc.
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Joleee
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My hobbies include going to the gym, running, travel (pre-covid) and going on nights out.

I work in consulting and I hoped that I would find someone at work but that hasn't happened.

I don't go to church as I'm not religious.
what is going on nights out; like the pub where you can talk to people, or like the movies where you can't (?).

the other interests you mentioned are not interactive where you can make friends, so no wonder you haven't met anyone. what about joining a running club or mixed softball league or something? if you make an effort to meet people in general, even just platonic friends, you increase your chances of meeting a girlfriend. just throwing it out there
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londonmyst
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What type of attraction dealbreakers do you have?
What are your interests, lifestyle preferences and ambitions over the next 5 years?
What positives do you offer to any potential date or longterm partner?
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by 2B_or_not_2B)
here is what you do.
1. First take a long hard look in the mirror and asses what is going on. Are you unattractive, is it something you can change?. You would be surprised what decent threads and a good haircut can do. Are you over weight ? get in the gym.
2. What about personality? if you walk around with a face like a smacked ass of course you are going to turn people off. Are you angry, bitter and resentful at your lack of success in the dating world? trust me people can pick up on these things.
3. Stop looking and putting all your eggs in one basket. Work on yourself, get hobbies, make new friends. When you have an interesting rich life (not in terms of money) you'll find people will flock to you.
I think I have a good hairstyle and get it cut regularly. I can't really tell how attractive or not I am. I have been at the gym for a few years now.

I am a bit bitter about it obviously as I would expect most people in this situation to be but I don't take it out on other people because its not their fault.

I am happy about my life in all other aspects and I have friends , hobbies and I have done some interesting things and visited interesting places in my life so far. Getting into a relationships is important to me though and I would like to get married and have children one day.
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Anonymous #1
#17
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#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
How would you rate your social skills and ability to communicate with others. Nonetheless, do you find yourself attractive and confident because if you don’t you’ll never reach nowhere. Also, maybe try being open and less awkward but don’t be annoying and creepy. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends and it took me a while to realise how to act towards them.
My social skills are good - I need them to be good for my job. I would say that I'm fairly attractive and don't come across unconfident. So yeah I think I'm good in social situations.
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by ecomhero)
Have you tried cold approach, where you approach women you find interesting in public places like street, coffee shops, museums, gym, park? Great way to meet lots of women in real life without having to rely on a social circle or going to a nightclub.

It does require you leaving your comfort zone and getting over your fear of rejection. I have friends who do really well this and are able to get about 2 new dates a week and get relationships. Also, a great way to practice getting confident and expressing yourself authentically to women.

I recommend getting the book "Models: Attract Women through Honesty" by Mark Manson to learn how to attract women in an authentic way. Also, it's worth getting a dating coach like James Tusk who can help you identify what is holding you back. You can checkout his Youtube Channel "Tusk".

Also, you need to heal the inner stuff too, as a lot of our lives by the patterns we got from childhood. Guys who struggle with women tend to have the similar characteristics: neediness, people pleasing, seeking approval, low self esteem, social anxiety. A lot of these patterns are result of experiences in the childhood. I recommend checking out Marisa Peer. She has lots of hypnotic audios to help with self esteem, confidence and relationships on her site and Youtube. Also, if you want to go further you can get one of her certified rtt coaches to do a session to find the root cause of issues like low esteem, neediness etc.
I talk to women in a lot of different situations and would have conversations with them in those settings but I would only start flirting or ask her out for a date unless I could gauge interest from them which is quite rare.
I go to the social events hosted by the company I work for too and talk to women there but I have never got any interest there.
I am a very independent guy and I don't think I would have got to where I am today with low self esteem and social anxiety.

Thanks for all the advice you've given me which I will take a look at.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
what is going on nights out; like the pub where you can talk to people, or like the movies where you can't (?).

the other interests you mentioned are not interactive where you can make friends, so no wonder you haven't met anyone. what about joining a running club or mixed softball league or something? if you make an effort to meet people in general, even just platonic friends, you increase your chances of meeting a girlfriend. just throwing it out there
On nights out I go to pubs and bars. I don't like nightclubs. I suppose I could join a running club as i would meet more women there.
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chlamydia9000
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#20
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Hire a prostitute so you can get the burden of being a virgin off your mind.

Join some kind of hobby based social club frequented by women. Knitting or something. Probably go for someone younger, because most of the decent women your age are taken or dead.

Try online dating. Yeah it doesn't work for everyone, but exposes you to a far larger number of women than you'd just meet in your work.
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