can anyone else whos gone on a first date reassure me that they are not that bad :(

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Im nearly 22, never been with anyone. Im severely insecure to the point that i doubt everything. I met someone online and we facetimed (took a lot of nerves for me to even do that but I knew if i want a relationship I have to be proactive). Thought hed find me revolting but he still talked to me. After I felt great and felt like maybe im not that bad looking. Now the idea of a real life meetup date scared the soul out of me. For a second ill be like its ok its not that bad, we've talked over the phone etc and its fine, then the next second I am like theres no way. I try to think of it as just meeting up with someone without any pressures because I can do that in other non romantic scenarios. For example at work I met a good looking man and we just had normal conversation and it was good and asked me questions etc (this wasnt a date it was just a convo btw)- and I thought if I can do just that ill be fine. I also facetimed other guys before and it was a calm conversation and wasnt as bad as I thought- I put so much pressure on it when in the moment there was none. i hope this is what a first date is like, is this how they are really are and im just making it out to be something its not? Please give me some reassurance
0
reply
BenK64
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
Grab a hold of yourself woman, FaceTiming a stranger is far more difficult than talking face to face, and if that went well then the date will be an absolute breeze. Maybe he will be the one maybe he won’t, you will be glad you went either way. There is almost nothing that can happen where you will regret going, and you will 100% regret it if you do not go. He WANTS to date you, don’t forget it. You ARE interesting and you ARE capable of holding conversation. You only need to worry about whether this guy is good enough bf material for you, which you will judge on the date.

This is coming from someone who had and has severe social anxiety so I really do understand. Im not meaning to be harsh; you must be firm with yourself and your fears when they arise. You will be afraid, you will go on the date anyway and then you will be proud of yourself for going. It’s okay
3
reply
CaptainDuckie
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Your date is probably going to be nervous too. The way your nerves hit you when you face timed him, and then suddenly went away as you got comfortable, is going to be the same way when you meet him and get comfortable. From experience, I found face timing/ calling easier than real life but that’s not to say the whole “relaxation” principle doesn’t apply. It’s just faster for the “relaxation” period to be reached on face time than it is in person.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Im nearly 22, never been with anyone. Im severely insecure to the point that i doubt everything. I met someone online and we facetimed (took a lot of nerves for me to even do that but I knew if i want a relationship I have to be proactive). Thought hed find me revolting but he still talked to me. After I felt great and felt like maybe im not that bad looking. Now the idea of a real life meetup date scared the soul out of me. For a second ill be like its ok its not that bad, we've talked over the phone etc and its fine, then the next second I am like theres no way. I try to think of it as just meeting up with someone without any pressures because I can do that in other non romantic scenarios. For example at work I met a good looking man and we just had normal conversation and it was good and asked me questions etc (this wasnt a date it was just a convo btw)- and I thought if I can do just that ill be fine. I also facetimed other guys before and it was a calm conversation and wasnt as bad as I thought- I put so much pressure on it when in the moment there was none. i hope this is what a first date is like, is this how they are really are and im just making it out to be something its not? Please give me some reassurance
I managed to give my date a bad friction burn. You'll be fine. I achieved this by trying to pick her bag up for her. I wanted to combust. We had to put ice on it, and we never spoke again.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
I managed to give my date a bad friction burn. You'll be fine. I achieved this by trying to pick her bag up for her. I wanted to combust. We had to put ice on it, and we never spoke again.
hah this is so random but funny
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by BenK64)
Grab a hold of yourself woman, FaceTiming a stranger is far more difficult than talking face to face, and if that went well then the date will be an absolute breeze. Maybe he will be the one maybe he won’t, you will be glad you went either way. There is almost nothing that can happen where you will regret going, and you will 100% regret it if you do not go. He WANTS to date you, don’t forget it. You ARE interesting and you ARE capable of holding conversation. You only need to worry about whether this guy is good enough bf material for you, which you will judge on the date.

This is coming from someone who had and has severe social anxiety so I really do understand. Im not meaning to be harsh; you must be firm with yourself and your fears when they arise. You will be afraid, you will go on the date anyway and then you will be proud of yourself for going. It’s okay
thank you so much i really needed this
1
reply
Old Skool Freak
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Im nearly 22, never been with anyone. Im severely insecure to the point that i doubt everything. I met someone online and we facetimed (took a lot of nerves for me to even do that but I knew if i want a relationship I have to be proactive). Thought hed find me revolting but he still talked to me. After I felt great and felt like maybe im not that bad looking. Now the idea of a real life meetup date scared the soul out of me. For a second ill be like its ok its not that bad, we've talked over the phone etc and its fine, then the next second I am like theres no way. I try to think of it as just meeting up with someone without any pressures because I can do that in other non romantic scenarios. For example at work I met a good looking man and we just had normal conversation and it was good and asked me questions etc (this wasnt a date it was just a convo btw)- and I thought if I can do just that ill be fine. I also facetimed other guys before and it was a calm conversation and wasnt as bad as I thought- I put so much pressure on it when in the moment there was none. i hope this is what a first date is like, is this how they are really are and im just making it out to be something its not? Please give me some reassurance
Alright, it's natural to be nervous before a first date... I think just about everyone is. This isn't necessarily such a bad thing, because it's means that the date is important to you. If it helps, it's not that much different to the nerves you get before an exam or a race... or even jumping into a swimming pool lol. Once you take the leap, those nerves dissapear and you give it your best shot.

Also, take a reality check... this guy has seen what you look like and he's still agreed to go on a date with you... and you've had AT LEAST one conversation with a good looking man (as well as all the others lol). I don't know how the convo with that good looking guy went... but on a date, he needs to know that you like him (well assuming you do lol)... so as well as the conversation, remember to pay him some compliments, but don't overdo it... laugh at his lame-ass jokes (unless, of course it's totally offensive / un PC), and give his arm a light touch when he says something funny or endearing.

Try and keep the conversation going, build on the things you know about him and what you've spoken in face times, find out about his background, his hopes / ambitions; his hobbies / interests... latest TV trends etc.... And above all, enjoy yourself, the worst that can happen is it doesn't work out, in which case you just move on to the next guy that catches your eye (there's 35 million other males in this country alone ffs). On the other hand, it COULD be the start of the best thing that's come into your life

A wise man told me a quote that may help you rationalise your worry / anxiety

Don't be so afraid of dying, that you never live. (think about it)
0
reply
BenK64
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you so much i really needed this
I’m glad, I hope it was useful. Let me know how it goes, or feel free to message me about dealing with anxiety and stuff.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
Alright, it's natural to be nervous before a first date... I think just about everyone is. This isn't necessarily such a bad thing, because it's means that the date is important to you. If it helps, it's not that much different to the nerves you get before an exam or a race... or even jumping into a swimming pool lol. Once you take the leap, those nerves dissapear and you give it your best shot.

Also, take a reality check... this guy has seen what you look like and he's still agreed to go on a date with you... and you've had AT LEAST one conversation with a good looking man (as well as all the others lol). I don't know how the convo with that good looking guy went... but on a date, he needs to know that you like him (well assuming you do lol)... so as well as the conversation, remember to pay him some compliments, but don't overdo it... laugh at his lame-ass jokes (unless, of course it's totally offensive / un PC), and give his arm a light touch when he says something funny or endearing.

Try and keep the conversation going, build on the things you know about him and what you've spoken in face times, find out about his background, his hopes / ambitions; his hobbies / interests... latest TV trends etc.... And above all, enjoy yourself, the worst that can happen is it doesn't work out, in which case you just move on to the next guy that catches your eye (there's 35 million other males in this country alone ffs). On the other hand, it COULD be the start of the best thing that's come into your life

A wise man told me a quote that may help you rationalise your worry / anxiety

Don't be so afraid of dying, that you never live. (think about it)
Thank you so much !! I give myelf the reality check and it works then I doubt myself again , thats the thing I struggle with the most . But thank youuu
0
reply
Moonlight rain
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Tbh if you can facetime them then meeting up won't be a problem. Video call is basically the same.
My first date was not terrible but just very boring, it's okay to be anxious though I was and he was too.
Last edited by Moonlight rain; 1 month ago
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you tempted to change your firm university choice on A-level results day?

Yes, I'll try and go to a uni higher up the league tables (54)
29.35%
Yes, there is a uni that I prefer and I'll fit in better (15)
8.15%
No I am happy with my choice (101)
54.89%
I'm using Clearing when I have my exam results (14)
7.61%

Watched Threads

View All