is what my friend did rude?

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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so lately my friend is just doing/saying stuff that i find a little rude, but idk if im overthinking the situation and its not really that bad so i wanna know what you guys think.
so at school me and my bestfriend hangout with a group of friends, my bestfriend has been friends with them since year 7 (we're in sixth form) so i'm not so close to them, i can sometimes be an outcast when they talk abt their old school (which they do alot)
yesterday, we were sitting outside, on bench seating, but my back hurt alot so i said i'm going "bathroom" but i just wanted to sit somewhere else. my bestfriend insists to come bathroom with me and when we leave i tell her "can we sit somewhere else because my back is killing me" and she says "no lets go back". i was like wtf and i said "ok u go and i'll sit alone" and then she says, "ok i'll stay with u for 5 minutes then i'll leave", and she just leaves me on my own there.
if she ever told me her back, leg etc hurt, i would literally tell her lets sit somewhere and i would stay with her, not just leave here there?? i didn't say anything because if she wants to sit with the others more then ok.
but small situations like this happen alot, i feel like she doesnt realize sometimes the stuff she says is a little rude and makes me feel bad. i wanna know if i'm overthinking the situation.
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Kabzzzy
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#2
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In that particular scenario I think it's a bit weird for you to expect her to talk on your behalf. I'd say it was more up to you to say that you want to move somewhere. If it was me I probably would have asked you to say something and let you know I'd back you up, but that's all. It was nice of her to at least sit with you for 5 minutes.

It's hard to say if she's being rude given that the one scenario you've given isn't really a good example, in my opinion.
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by Anonymous)
so lately my friend is just doing/saying stuff that i find a little rude, but idk if im overthinking the situation and its not really that bad so i wanna know what you guys think.
so at school me and my bestfriend hangout with a group of friends, my bestfriend has been friends with them since year 7 (we're in sixth form) so i'm not so close to them, i can sometimes be an outcast when they talk abt their old school (which they do alot)
yesterday, we were sitting outside, on bench seating, but my back hurt alot so i said i'm going "bathroom" but i just wanted to sit somewhere else. my bestfriend insists to come bathroom with me and when we leave i tell her "can we sit somewhere else because my back is killing me" and she says "no lets go back". i was like wtf and i said "ok u go and i'll sit alone" and then she says, "ok i'll stay with u for 5 minutes then i'll leave", and she just leaves me on my own there.
if she ever told me her back, leg etc hurt, i would literally tell her lets sit somewhere and i would stay with her, not just leave here there?? i didn't say anything because if she wants to sit with the others more then ok.
but small situations like this happen alot, i feel like she doesnt realize sometimes the stuff she says is a little rude and makes me feel bad. i wanna know if i'm overthinking the situation.
Hi,

Did you tell her that you were uncomfortable and feeling left out?

If you did, then it's pretty inconsiderate of her (but at least she stayed for 5 mins); if you didn't, and she doesn't know your feelings, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Was she really engaged in that conversation?
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CaptainDuckie
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To be honest, if there was no where else to sit and that was like the only option then it’s fine that she wanted to sit and socialise with her friends. It’s not like she will tell everyone to sit somewhere else just because of you if there was no space. She’s not going to be disrupted from her friends because of you. If your back hurts then you should’ve just stood up. It looks like you’re just annoyed that she picked them over you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Kabzzzy)
In that particular scenario I think it's a bit weird for you to expect her to talk on your behalf. I'd say it was more up to you to say that you want to move somewhere. If it was me I probably would have asked you to say something and let you know I'd back you up, but that's all. It was nice of her to at least sit with you for 5 minutes.

It's hard to say if she's being rude given that the one scenario you've given isn't really a good example, in my opinion.
I think you misunderstood what happened. I never asked her to speak on my behalf? When we were leaving the bathroom together I asked if we could sit somewhere else for a bit (and not go outside to the others) because my back hurts alot, and she said instantly said "no let's go back". How is that not rude?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
Hi,

Did you tell her that you were uncomfortable and feeling left out?

If you did, then it's pretty inconsiderate of her (but at least she stayed for 5 mins); if you didn't, and she doesn't know your feelings, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Was she really engaged in that conversation?
I think I badly explained the situation. This isn't about me feeling left out. The people I hang out with are very nice and they wouldn't purposely leave me out.
It's just that my back was hurting badly, I asked her if we could sit down and she said no let's go back. I don't mind sitting with the other people.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
To be honest, if there was no where else to sit and that was like the only option then it’s fine that she wanted to sit and socialise with her friends. It’s not like she will tell everyone to sit somewhere else just because of you if there was no space. She’s not going to be disrupted from her friends because of you. If your back hurts then you should’ve just stood up. It looks like you’re just annoyed that she picked them over you.
I don't think I explained the situation well enough. I did not want everyone to move because of me, hence why I said I'm going to the "bathroom", because if I said I'm sitting somewhere else, everyone would've insisted to come.
I just wanted to sit inside for a bit, because on the benches my back hurt. My bestfriend came with me to the bathroom, after we left the bathroom I said "My back hurts can we sit somewhere else", she just said "no let's go back", not even considering that my back hurts? or asking of i'm ok or something.
Yeah that's the whole point. I'm annoyed she would leave her bestfriend alone to sit with her others friends. I don't understand how this is not rude? Also, I'm closer to her than her other friends
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
To be honest, if there was no where else to sit and that was like the only option then it’s fine that she wanted to sit and socialise with her friends. It’s not like she will tell everyone to sit somewhere else just because of you if there was no space. She’s not going to be disrupted from her friends because of you. If your back hurts then you should’ve just stood up. It looks like you’re just annoyed that she picked them over you.
"She’s not going to be disrupted from her friends because of you." Bro what. If your bestfriend had a bad back and wanted to sit somewhere else, and you'd ditch them there and go sit with your other friends then you're a **** friend.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think I explained the situation well enough. I did not want everyone to move because of me, hence why I said I'm going to the "bathroom", because if I said I'm sitting somewhere else, everyone would've insisted to come.
I just wanted to sit inside for a bit, because on the benches my back hurt. My bestfriend came with me to the bathroom, after we left the bathroom I said "My back hurts can we sit somewhere else", she just said "no let's go back", not even considering that my back hurts? or asking of i'm ok or something.
Yeah that's the whole point. I'm annoyed she would leave her bestfriend alone to sit with her others friends. I don't understand how this is not rude? Also, I'm closer to her than her other friends
(Original post by Anonymous)
"She’s not going to be disrupted from her friends because of you." Bro what. If your bestfriend had a bad back and wanted to sit somewhere else, and you'd ditch them there and go sit with your other friends then you're a **** friend.


Looking at it from her lens, she probably enjoyed being with them at the point more than you. That’s why she said she wanted to go back. It’s quite tiresome being with the same person constantly, and I’m guessing she’s with you constantly since she’s your best friend. She was just catching up with her friends and probably bonding with them. Looking at it from your lens, you’re saying that she should sit with you and disrupt their bonds which is also not good. I do think this could have been handled very differently, like seeing if there are other places to sit or you standing up or I would act as a back rest for my friend, which stops this isolation and situation from happening. I wouldn’t ditch my friend who had a bad back but I would try and see if I can find an alternative which from the looks of it, nobody tried. I do think it can be viewed as rude from your part, but arguably it couldn’t.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Looking at it from her lens, she probably enjoyed being with them at the point more than you. That’s why she said she wanted to go back. It’s quite tiresome being with the same person constantly, and I’m guessing she’s with you constantly since she’s your best friend. She was just catching up with her friends and probably bonding with them. Looking at it from your lens, you’re saying that she should sit with you and disrupt their bonds which is also not good. I do think this could have been handled very differently, like seeing if there are other places to sit or you standing up which stops this isolation and situation from happening. I wouldn’t ditch my friend who had a bad back but I would try and see if I can find an alternative which from the looks of it, nobody tried. I do think it can be viewed as rude from your part, but arguably it couldn’t.
I know she probably enjoyed being with them more, but bestfriends are meant to be with eachother and be selfless not just ditch eachother. I would never do that to her. I remember even at the beginning of the year when only 4 people were allowed per table due to covid, sometimes their table would be full so I would have to sit on my own and she wouldn't even come to my table and just leave me be there.
Maybe I'm too nice and selfless so I see stuff like this as rude, but none of my old friends would have ever ditched me or leave me on my own.
She's not "catching up/bonding" with her friends, all of us sit together every single day.
I don't think I explained the situation good because if you were there you would've thought it was rude. Maybe I'm reading too into it and your right, thanks for answering tho
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Looking at it from her lens, she probably enjoyed being with them at the point more than you. That’s why she said she wanted to go back. It’s quite tiresome being with the same person constantly, and I’m guessing she’s with you constantly since she’s your best friend. She was just catching up with her friends and probably bonding with them. Looking at it from your lens, you’re saying that she should sit with you and disrupt their bonds which is also not good. I do think this could have been handled very differently, like seeing if there are other places to sit or you standing up or I would act as a back rest for my friend, which stops this isolation and situation from happening. I wouldn’t ditch my friend who had a bad back but I would try and see if I can find an alternative which from the looks of it, nobody tried. I do think it can be viewed as rude from your part, but arguably it couldn’t.
Also, we aren't always together. I don't come to school much so she sees them alot more that she sees me. Sometimes I go like a week without ever seeing her.
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Final Fantasy
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Wtf why you guys hanging out in a bathroom? :confused:
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know she probably enjoyed being with them more, but bestfriends are meant to be with eachother and be selfless not just ditch eachother. I would never do that to her. I remember even at the beginning of the year when only 4 people were allowed per table due to covid, sometimes their table would be full so I would have to sit on my own and she wouldn't even come to my table and just leave me be there.
Maybe I'm too nice and selfless so I see stuff like this as rude, but none of my old friends would have ever ditched me or leave me on my own.
She's not "catching up/bonding" with her friends, all of us sit together every single day.
I don't think I explained the situation good because if you were there you would've thought it was rude. Maybe I'm reading too into it and your right, thanks for answering tho


I don’t agree with your first statement, to be honest. If there was a situation where there was high social optionality, you’d think that your friend will have more conversations with them. They’re her friends, maybe not yours but hers. If it becomes a case of prioritising things for you, her friends will then feel like their bond with her is empty. Just because you wouldn’t do it to her, doesn’t make it unacceptable. I do think it can be viewed as rude but arguably it also couldn’t.
You explained the situation very clearly.
As I’ve said, if it was me as the friend in this, I would do everything I can so that you can stay with me. So maybe by acting as a back rest, sitting somewhere else, etc.
If you sit together everyday then I’m leaning more to the rude side.. technically it’s not very nice to leave you by yourself like that.
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
Wtf why you guys hanging out in a bathroom? :confused:
We werent hanging out there we just went there together, thats what girls do
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We werent hanging out there we just went there together, thats what girls do
I’ve never heard that before. What do they do together in bathrooms?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
I’ve never heard that before. What do they do together in bathrooms?
Wait for eachother or mostly fix their makeup/hair etc
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Anonymous #1
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Or if there's tea go there to discuss lol
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Wait for eachother or mostly fix their makeup/hair etc
But isn’t that what the bathroom mirror is for? Why you need to do each other’s makeup for? I hope you washed your hands first…
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
But isn’t that what the bathroom mirror is for? Why you need to do each other’s makeup for? I hope you washed your hands first…
I meant fix our own makeup. Most girls go bathroom with their friends it's really common, idk why u havent heard of it. I'ts not the same for boys tho
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Final Fantasy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I meant fix our own makeup. Most girls go bathroom with their friends it's really common, idk why u havent heard of it. I'ts not the same for boys tho
When guys go to the bathroom, we do our business, avoid staring at the other guy’s penis and then get the hell out.
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