Is this wrong?

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Anonymous #1
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I'm trans (ftm) but I'm only out to one person and no one irl.

I made a new snap earlier with my name and my bitmojis a guy. I added a girl and she asked who I am and I just told her that I added her from quick add (which is true). We texted about random stuff and she asked what I looked like so I snapped her and she believed I was a cis guy and that made me pretty happy tbh.
We snapped a bit then she said she had to go and said night to me.

And yeah it felt really good that I could be me and that she only sees me as my name and he/him.

But I wanna know if this is wrong me making her think I'm cis? Idk how she thinks that tho ig I have a male looking face?
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CaptainDuckie
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To be honest, I think this is not acceptable. I’m not trying to be like mean or anything, but I think you need to just be honest and admit what you are in the early stages. It’s wrong.
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Slx.24
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trans (ftm) but I'm only out to one person and no one irl.

I made a new snap earlier with my name and my bitmojis a guy. I added a girl and she asked who I am and I just told her that I added her from quick add (which is true). We texted about random stuff and she asked what I looked like so I snapped her and she believed I was a cis guy and that made me pretty happy tbh.
We snapped a bit then she said she had to go and said night to me.

And yeah it felt really good that I could be me and that she only sees me as my name and he/him.

But I wanna know if this is wrong me making her think I'm cis? Idk how she thinks that tho ig I have a male looking face?
If ur something then I think that you should say it. Especially when you're talking to someone and you think they may be misunderstanding
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Anonymous #2
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this isn't wrong at all. she's legit a rando you just met, not even a friend. friends dont need to know that. get a grip on yourself mate, imagine you told every person you talked to in passing you're trans, you know how dangerous that is. you don't owe a stranger (at all) or a friend (unless you really want to tell her). you don't owe a girl you just met the knowledge of who you are + your journey. do you think i (a cis girl w a short haircut) tell everyone i'm a girl everytime i see them, no, because it isn't relevant. if you're flirting, getting into a relationship, then totally, she should be told. what if she isnt into that and she's wasting your time?

tl;dr - you don't owe a stranger that kind of info, bc that isn't relevant at all if you're just friends. it could also be dangerous 4 u
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Anonymous #1
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Idek what my sexuality is like I've never dated anyone but I've always been attracted to guys but idk if I could also be bi so I'm confused about that rn.

We're only talking as mates which is basically the same as me talking with anyone just that everyone else sees me as female.
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Anonymous #1
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No we wasn't flirting, we just were talking about tv shows tbh.

But yeah if we were gonna date ofc id tell her.
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Final Fantasy
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You should be honest with her.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No we wasn't flirting, we just were talking about tv shows tbh.

But yeah if we were gonna date ofc id tell her.
(Original post by Anonymous)
this isn't wrong at all. she's legit a rando you just met, not even a friend. friends dont need to know that. get a grip on yourself mate, imagine you told every person you talked to in passing you're trans, you know how dangerous that is. you don't owe a stranger (at all) or a friend (unless you really want to tell her). you don't owe a girl you just met the knowledge of who you are your journey. do you think i (a cis girl w a short haircut) tell everyone i'm a girl everytime i see them, no, because it isn't relevant. if you're flirting, getting into a relationship, then totally, she should be told. what if she isnt into that and she's wasting your time?

tl;dr - you don't owe a stranger that kind of info, bc that isn't relevant at all if you're just friends. it could also be dangerous 4 u


I feel like this is where it starts becoming problematic......


Say I was talking to a trans person.. if they started talking to me frequently, feelings will develop, whether that be friendship wise or more than that. Something develops. Especially if this person is a girl, she might mistakenly put you into the “interested/talking” stage.. So i personally think for her not to fall into any unwanted traps, they should state it, or at least say if or when they start talking frequently.....
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Isla Duncan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm trans (ftm) but I'm only out to one person and no one irl.

I made a new snap earlier with my name and my bitmojis a guy. I added a girl and she asked who I am and I just told her that I added her from quick add (which is true). We texted about random stuff and she asked what I looked like so I snapped her and she believed I was a cis guy and that made me pretty happy tbh.
We snapped a bit then she said she had to go and said night to me.

And yeah it felt really good that I could be me and that she only sees me as my name and he/him.

But I wanna know if this is wrong me making her think I'm cis? Idk how she thinks that tho ig I have a male looking face?
You don't owe her your identity until you're ready to share it with her. It's your life and your identity. You owe it to no onw but yourself.
This wasn't wrong at all.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
I feel like this is where it starts becoming problematic......


Say I was talking to a trans person.. if they started talking to me frequently, feelings will develop, whether that be friendship wise or more than that. Something develops. Especially if this person is a girl, she might mistakenly put you into the “interested/talking” stage.. So i personally think for her not to fall into any unwanted traps, she should state it, or at least say if or when they start talking frequently.....
this is so stupid. how is she supposed to know you're falling for her. that's entirely on you. just talking to a girl isn't enough for you to be entitled to that identity. is every lesbian at your workplace now required to tell you their sexuality in case you fall in love? is every woman with fertility issues in your group project required to tell you that incase you catch feelings and want to have kids sometime in the future? is your flatmate required to tell you she already has a boyfriend in case you start liking her? see how stupid you sound. you're in a situation with a girl where whatever genitals you have literally don't matter because she doesn't care about what's in your pants if you guys are talking about school, movies etc. friends don't care about that ****. they have no relevance
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
this is so stupid. how is she supposed to know you're falling for her.
Who?

(Original post by Anonymous)
that's entirely on you. just talking to a girl isn't enough for you to be entitled to that identity. is every lesbian at your workplace now required to tell you their sexuality in case you fall in love?
Well, if I was talking to a lesbian, I’d appreciate her telling me that’s what she is rather than fall into an emotional mess for no reason. (As we got closer and closer). Preferably as we get to know each other.. This is emotional abuse to be withholding information away from me like that. If they were a proud lesbian, they would even say it to me. In comparison to OP’s post, I would expect them to disclose their sexuality to me early on so I don’t spiral into an emotional mess because of this facade.

(Original post by Anonymous)
is every woman with fertility issues in your group project required to tell you that incase you catch feelings and want to have kids sometime in the future?
Good point. For this one, but my point still holds.. As we talk, I’d want her to disclose that information with me, if she did see us as having babies together. I’d then accept that it’s out of my hands, and we will make a solution to it.


(Original post by Anonymous)
is your flatmate required to tell you she already has a boyfriend in case you start liking her? see how stupid you sound.
lol, I mean, I’d hope she did..... if I was to move to her or talk to her frequently, I would want her to say “sorry I have a boyfriend” or “oh, I have a boyfriend named X btw” or even hint that she’s taken rather than be caught up emotionally, for absolutely no reason. I will feel very played and feel like I wasted time. In comparison to OP’s post, if this girl did not say she was taken, and was talking to me frequently, I might put her in the “interested stage” but imagine doing something like that when it’s not even what I signed up for.


(Original post by Anonymous)
you're in a situation with a girl where whatever genitals you have literally don't matter because she doesn't care about what's in your pants if you guys are talking about school, movies etc. friends don't care about that ****. they have no relevance

Well, feelings do develop... it’s quite random for someone to add you like that. This girl has to make a judgement on which category to put them in, and if she puts them in an “interested” stage and then later finds out that it’s not what she’s actually interested in because of OP withholding information like that, she will feel very played and lead on. It’s called being dishonest...
Last edited by CaptainDuckie; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by CaptainDuckie)
Who?



Well, if I was talking to a lesbian, I’d appreciate her telling me that’s what she is rather than fall into an emotional mess for no reason. (As we got closer and closer). Preferably as we get to know each other.. This is emotional abuse to be withholding information away from me like that. If they were a proud lesbian, they would even say it to me. In comparison to OP’s post, I would expect them to disclose their sexuality to me early on so I don’t spiral into an emotional mess because of this facade.



Good point. For this one, but my point still holds.. As we talk, I’d want her to disclose that information with me, if she did see us as having babies together. I’d then accept that it’s out of my hands, and we will make a solution to it.




lol, I mean, I’d hope she did..... if I was to move to her or talk to her frequently, I would want her to say “sorry I have a boyfriend” or “oh, I have a boyfriend named X btw” or even hint that she’s taken rather than be caught up emotionally, for absolutely no reason. I will feel very played and feel like I wasted time. In comparison to OP’s post, if this girl did not say she was taken, and was talking to me frequently, I might put her in the “interested stage” but imagine doing something like that when it’s not even what I signed up for.





Well, feelings do develop... it’s quite random for someone to add you like that. This girl has to make a judgement on which category to put them in, and if she puts them in an “interested” stage and then later finds out that it’s not what she’s actually interested in because of OP withholding information like that, she will feel very played and lead on. It’s called being dishonest...
how surprising, every single one of my points still stand too. every time, you're saying that "when we start talking", "when we get together", a clear romantic implication there. which is fair, in a romantic relationship, the body you have is important. this isn't op's case. they clearly only are friends. they're talking about movies ffs. there's no relevance with the sex of op, at all. i have all sorts of people on snap and despite what you may think, its common for girls and boys to talk without a hint of romance.

and you need to understand that it's not up to you to decide what makes someone a "proud lesbian." same way it's your not right to demand personal information about someone's genitals for christ's sake, or their sexuality or their relationship status when you are clearly just friends. of course of course of course, if you're going on dates, flirting, then yes op should spare both parties' possible heartbreak by telling them early on.

the main thing you aren't understanding here, is that simply talking to a woman does not mean that things are going to get romantic later on. you said that talking to a woman who might not be a match for you isn't what you "signed up for". did you sign anything? did she sign anything? did she say she wanted a future with you? did she say she wants to date you? here she is, working as your colleague, being friends/acquaintances and you're demanding she disclose all these personal deal-breakers.
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anosmianAcrimony
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(Original post by Anonymous)
how surprising, every single one of my points still stand too. every time, you're saying that "when we start talking", "when we get together", a clear romantic implication there. which is fair, in a romantic relationship, the body you have is important. this isn't op's case. they clearly only are friends. they're talking about movies ffs. there's no relevance with the sex of op, at all. i have all sorts of people on snap and despite what you may think, its common for girls and boys to talk without a hint of romance.

and you need to understand that it's not up to you to decide what makes someone a "proud lesbian." same way it's your not right to demand personal information about someone's genitals for christ's sake, or their sexuality or their relationship status when you are clearly just friends. of course of course of course, if you're going on dates, flirting, then yes op should spare both parties' possible heartbreak by telling them early on.

the main thing you aren't understanding here, is that simply talking to a woman does not mean that things are going to get romantic later on. you said that talking to a woman who might not be a match for you isn't what you "signed up for". did you sign anything? did she sign anything? did she say she wanted a future with you? did she say she wants to date you? here she is, working as your colleague, being friends/acquaintances and you're demanding she disclose all these personal deal-breakers.
Can't rep any of your posts but thoroughly agree with all of them! CaptainDuckie acts like the absolute worst thing that could ever happen is that his feelings got a little bit snubbed. Trans people risk so much more with their feelings - and their safety - whenever they come out to someone.
Last edited by anosmianAcrimony; 1 month ago
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Obolinda
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no, youre not under any obligation to disclose your identity to a random on the internet you've spoken to 1 time. especially about something as trivial as tv shows
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
how surprising, every single one of my points still stand too.
No...

(Original post by Anonymous)
every time, you're saying that "when we start talking", "when we get together", a clear romantic implication there. which is fair, in a romantic relationship, the body you have is important. this isn't op's case. they clearly only are friends.
I don’t think they are friends just yet. OP is probably on the ”nothing” stage right now.

(Original post by Anonymous)
they're talking about movies ffs. there's no relevance with the sex of op, at all. i have all sorts of people on snap and despite what you may think, its common for girls and boys to talk without a hint of romance.
Yes. True. But unfortunately if they carry on talking then she will have to make a decision to put them either in “talking/interested” stage or “just friends” stage, and if she puts OP in the former then that might not be what she wants since OP isn’t disclosing the full information.

(Original post by Anonymous)
and you need to understand that it's not up to you to decide what makes someone a "proud lesbian." same way it's your not right to demand personal information about someone's genitals for christ's sake, or their sexuality or their relationship status when you are clearly just friends.
I’m really not demanding anything. In these situations of them being a lesbian or what not, as a person, I can’t tell clearly when someone is interested in me or not.. that’s if they talk to me frequently.. so it makes sense for them to clarify things before I put them into the “friends” or “interested” category, instead of making a mistake. At first, it’s not in my position at all but if there comes a bit where unwanted feelings develop, I’ll feel like I wasted time. As for the relationship status, same thing applies. If I start talking to someone that’s taken frequently, I would want her to disclose she’s in a relationship as that’s just being disloyal, before things progress further. Or at least a hint.

(Original post by Anonymous)
of course of course of course, if you're going on dates, flirting, then yes op should spare both parties' possible heartbreak by telling them early on.
So you agree with me.

(Original post by Anonymous)
the main thing you aren't understanding here, is that simply talking to a woman does not mean that things are going to get romantic later on.
No there isn’t, but to stop the possibility of her getting the wrong impressions, and OP’s intention (adding her out of the blue like that is sus) OP should disclose the information as they talk more and more frequently.

(Original post by Anonymous)
you said that talking to a woman who might not be a match for you isn't what you "signed up for".
No I said that if she doesn’t disclose the information of her being taken then it would not be what I signed up for... I.e catching feelings for her when it’s not reciprocated. This is false impressions.

(Original post by Anonymous)
did you sign anything? did she sign anything? did she say she wanted a future with you? did she say she wants to date you?
No but I would expect her to disclose her relationship status as we get to know each other, and know where we stand. If she is taken then I will accept that and start treating her as a friend from early on, rather than developing unwanted feelings. And being under the false impression that she’s single.

(Original post by Anonymous)
here she is, working as your colleague, being friends/acquaintances and you're demanding she disclose all these personal deal-breakers.

I would hope so. If this person presumably wants to get to know me, and I am a single guy... I would want to know what she’s interested in, relationship status (as we know each other more) and any other things I may need to keep in mind when talking to her, in order to put her in “just friends” category or “interested/talking” category. That’s of course, entirely dependent on if i am attracted to this person or not.
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Anonymous #3
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I mean, it’s not like you’re flirting, she’s still technically seeing you as an online friend. Gender doesn’t really matter in this case tbh, so I would say you you can keep it to yourself. You won’t know what exactly the girl is thinking anyways.
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
CaptainDuckie acts like the absolute worst thing that could ever happen is that his feelings got a little bit snubbed.
It’s funny how you’re saying this but you advocate for equality.

(Original post by anosmianAcrimony)
Trans people risk so much more with their feelings - and their safety - whenever they come out to someone.

Does the girl in OP not have any feelings to when she gets lead on if it’s not what she wants?
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NonIndigenous
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I don't know what others are saying. To introduce yourself to strangers right off the bat as "Hello, I'm transgender, female to male" would be weird, award, out of context and just wtf. Imagine if everyone did that.

No. Nobody does that. Regardless of gender or anything else. I knew one guy in my first uni long ago who would introduce himself as "gay", literally before even sharing his name with people. Hilarious, because I actually thought that was his name for a short while, nobody wanted to make a fuss about it so kept straight faces, and I just rolled with it. lol

If you're getting into a relationship, or even a hook-up, you probably most likely should tell the other person. Otherwise it really should not matter to them in the first place.
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Anonymous #4
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This thread is getting heated and I don't necessarily agree with some things on here but here's my opinion.

I'd say no, there's no need to tell her because like some other people have said, unless you are very close to someone or feel comfortable, there is no reason to disclose information you don't feel like sharing.

For example, I'm straight but I don't think I'm entitled to tell people that?

Let's say I'm talking to a guy and he gets the feels for me. Just because I'm straight but talk to them a lot doesn't mean I'm leading them on! What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? It's not my fault he fell for me, just because I'm straight doesn't mean that I have to have feelings for someone who is of the opposite sex.

So from my view, no, you don't need to tell them because you have done nothing wrong! And you are an amazing person and do not owe anyone anything. If her mistaking you as a cis guy makes you happy, then go for it!

Unless you explicitly said you were born a male and lied, I don't think there is anything wrong with it - and even if you did, you and your safety and happiness come first. It is perfectly possible she was looking for a friend as myself - who lacks friends - also does that same and no, I don't just catch feelings with a random guy who I talk to over the phone just because they're nice!
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CaptainDuckie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd say no, there's no need to tell her because like some other people have said, unless you are very close to someone or feel comfortable, there is no reason to disclose information you don't feel like sharing.
I agree.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Let's say I'm talking to a guy and he gets the feels for me. Just because I'm straight but talk to them a lot doesn't mean I'm leading them on!
I don’t get your point. As in you’re a straight girl? Of course not. If this guy is a heterosexual male lol.

(Original post by Anonymous)
So from my view, no, you don't need to tell them because you have done nothing wrong! And you are an amazing person and do not owe anyone anything. If her mistaking you as a cis guy makes you happy, then go for it!
Lol.. God knows how you’ve compared a situation where both people are straight to this one where this girl might not be interested in OP because of her sexuality.

(Original post by Anonymous)
It is perfectly possible she was looking for a friend as myself - who lacks friends - also does that same and no, I don't just catch feelings with a random guy who I talk to over the phone just because they're nice!

Lol yeah, sure.
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