does anyone feel like this life isn't for them?Watch
Its the little things that make your life interesting like friend and family and I dont have that. I get extremely low very easily, if someone says something mean to me itll ruin my day, I dont have friends to talk to or go out with and people usually compensate this with family, I have just my mum - my siblings do their own thing with their friends, I feel extremely lonely in life and im only 21 I feel like im an 80yr old who has nobody, in terms of a relationship ive never been in one and if something was to go wrong I wouldnt mentally be able to deal with it at all. I had a talking stage and because of my depr***** at the time it made me see a 'bright future' for the first time in ages. When I thought of the future I was positive. The talking stage ended and it hit me hard when it really shouldnt have. I felt like i had nothnig to look forward to again. Thank god I had university going on so that played a role in giving me distractions. Without distractions I feel so lost. Maybe thats why im like this right now. I am so fragile sometimes like today. I go out and work for free to give me something to look forward to and to freshen my mood but today I had a bad day as I got lost for over an hour and then I was racially abused . I dressed up and looked okay but i felt so ugly. I am talking to someone at the moment but I dont think im attracted to them which makes me feel even worse like whats wrong with me. I say 'think' because im not sure at all to be honest as we havent met up. I dont look 'forward' talking to him and idk if its to do with attraction or because im feeling low at the moment. I dont even want to mentino this here in case it somehow triggers it but im going to say it anyways. I have severe anxiety relating to health issues with my mum. When I get dep***** it spirals into my anxiety. Because today was so bad everything just hits me, im so lonely etc etc then i think about my mum and how I only have her and boom I get hot flashes in my head and i get anxious.
I know life is meant to be up and down but this is just so depressing and my mind just thinks of things and goes into dark places and I immediately distract myself otherwise I will spiral really badly and it scares me that my brain can even think of such things. My religion provides some sort of peace in the sense that it says that this life isnt suppose to be all happy happy and perfect because tahts what the next life is suppose to be like but I dont even think theres any point to life. Again I am not going to do anything. Does anyone else feel the same as me if so can you talk about ti a bit so i dont feel so alone in this