Is he interested or just looking for sex? Or neither?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’m 19 and I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’m a virgin and have basically experienced nothing sexual

Long story short I met this guy off Tinder (not the best place, I know) but we texted a lot and I really liked his personality. Our conversation bounced well and I felt like I could just be myself on text and that he was interested in what I had to say. Most guys are either so plain in their texts, or they jump straight to sexual things, especially from Tinder, but he actually was asking me questions and staying engaged in conversation which was nice
He asked if he could take me out on a date and I accepted
I think maybe I’m a little clingy, because there was a day when our conversation ended (we had a continued convo for like 2 weeks) and I was sad because he didn’t message at all that day or the next. I then messaged but the convo was very short
So I was even more sad, especially cause he said we’d meet up the following week. But then the next day he did in fact message me and asked me out the following Wednesday

We texted again and I felt happy again. We did meet up on that Wednesday, we went to the cinema and bowling and then he escorted me home. It was kinda nice. I don’t know whether I’m fully attracted to him or not. If anything I was attracted to the attention. I’ve never had much attention in my life, only lately in the past year. As I lost a lot of weight and started presenting myself better, in nicer clothes etc. So I think that’s why I get more attention nowadays and it is nice
He was really touchy feely, he kept sort of touching my arm and hands, he put his arm round me in the cinema and then when he took me home he wanted a kiss
Ive never kissed anyone before either. But I gave him the smallest kiss (because I was nervous and didn’t even know how to do it) so I don’t even know whether I can class that my first kiss or not seeing as it was near to nothing lmao

But anyway, as I said the attention was nice. After being the girl at school that nobody ever paid attention too, being given lots of nice compliments and having someone want to touch you and be near you is always nice

After the date, he never messaged for a couple days. Again I got superr sad, does that make me clingy?? It probably does, but he said nothing to me for 2 days. On the 3rd day I decided to message him, and we had a conversation which continued up until today, so it lasted about 5 days total
During this time he kind of changed a little bit. He was being more flirty and suggestive with his words. I’m not saying I wasn’t, I was definitely going along with it too but he was initiating it all mostly. Like for example he said things like “I’ll teach you some things👀😏” “I’ll create the memories you’ll never forget” in terms of me not experiencing anything. So I assume he means sexual things esp cos of the tone of the convo at that point, and the emojis. And also we started talking about giving each other a massage which I actually cringe so much to now lmao but yeah
So it got a little more suggestive then before. Well actually, even before the date he made slight sexual references. Well we was lightly flirting I guess, but it’s a bit more now. And he made reference to me “coming to see him” a couple times, as in go to his house I presume
When guys say that in my mind that only means one thing. He said it before the date as well but then when he actually asked me out it made me question whether he actually wanted more than that
I would see him again, but I don’t want to be seen as some kind of conquest. Like, the inexperienced girl that he wants to turn naughty ya know.
I feel like sometimes guys see virgins as a conquest, so that’s kinda unnerving

I just can’t tell if the suggestive and flirty chat is normal or not. Again, as I said I go along with it too, so it’s not just him. But is he actually interested in me? Or just wanting sex. We’ve spoken for about a month now so I guess flirting at this stage is normal
But regardless, as I said, I do like the attention and I’m tired of being the girl that’s experienced nothing. I want to experience things sexually, but I always said I’d wait until the right person. This guy, I don’t know if I see a relationship forming really. So it leaves me in a difficult place because I’ve got to fight between lust and my logical mind which knows I’d probably be ashamed of myself in the end and possibly regret it if I did anything with him

Lol I don’t know, this post is a mess but I just wanted to rant about this. The main question I had actually was about whether it seems like he’s actually interested in me, or just sexually interested
Our conversation ended again today, and again I’ve been really sad because of it
It’s like I crave attention, which I hate. But when I have some attention, and then it goes away - I feel super empty and even more alone
I want him to ask me out again not just tell me to “come see him”
I feel like now that our convo ended again, he won’t message again. I was the first one to message after our date, so who’s to say he will ever message me again, despite the things he was saying these last couple days

I don’t want to be constantly waiting for a text🙄

I want to know whether he’s interested or not. Even if he’s not interested in a relationship (which I assume) a big part of me still wants him to be interested in me sexually if that’s all it is? Because I want that attention, and if he asked me to meet up again I would most likely go, even knowing that

Sigh I know that’s a pretty toxic way to think but I just want someone to want me, you know?

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated x
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m 19 and I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I’m a virgin and have basically experienced nothing sexual

Long story short I met this guy off Tinder (not the best place, I know) but we texted a lot and I really liked his personality. Our conversation bounced well and I felt like I could just be myself on text and that he was interested in what I had to say. Most guys are either so plain in their texts, or they jump straight to sexual things, especially from Tinder, but he actually was asking me questions and staying engaged in conversation which was nice
He asked if he could take me out on a date and I accepted
I think maybe I’m a little clingy, because there was a day when our conversation ended (we had a continued convo for like 2 weeks) and I was sad because he didn’t message at all that day or the next. I then messaged but the convo was very short
So I was even more sad, especially cause he said we’d meet up the following week. But then the next day he did in fact message me and asked me out the following Wednesday

We texted again and I felt happy again. We did meet up on that Wednesday, we went to the cinema and bowling and then he escorted me home. It was kinda nice. I don’t know whether I’m fully attracted to him or not. If anything I was attracted to the attention. I’ve never had much attention in my life, only lately in the past year. As I lost a lot of weight and started presenting myself better, in nicer clothes etc. So I think that’s why I get more attention nowadays and it is nice
He was really touchy feely, he kept sort of touching my arm and hands, he put his arm round me in the cinema and then when he took me home he wanted a kiss
Ive never kissed anyone before either. But I gave him the smallest kiss (because I was nervous and didn’t even know how to do it) so I don’t even know whether I can class that my first kiss or not seeing as it was near to nothing lmao

But anyway, as I said the attention was nice. After being the girl at school that nobody ever paid attention too, being given lots of nice compliments and having someone want to touch you and be near you is always nice

After the date, he never messaged for a couple days. Again I got superr sad, does that make me clingy?? It probably does, but he said nothing to me for 2 days. On the 3rd day I decided to message him, and we had a conversation which continued up until today, so it lasted about 5 days total
During this time he kind of changed a little bit. He was being more flirty and suggestive with his words. I’m not saying I wasn’t, I was definitely going along with it too but he was initiating it all mostly. Like for example he said things like “I’ll teach you some things👀😏” “I’ll create the memories you’ll never forget” in terms of me not experiencing anything. So I assume he means sexual things esp cos of the tone of the convo at that point, and the emojis. And also we started talking about giving each other a massage which I actually cringe so much to now lmao but yeah
So it got a little more suggestive then before. Well actually, even before the date he made slight sexual references. Well we was lightly flirting I guess, but it’s a bit more now. And he made reference to me “coming to see him” a couple times, as in go to his house I presume
When guys say that in my mind that only means one thing. He said it before the date as well but then when he actually asked me out it made me question whether he actually wanted more than that
I would see him again, but I don’t want to be seen as some kind of conquest. Like, the inexperienced girl that he wants to turn naughty ya know.
I feel like sometimes guys see virgins as a conquest, so that’s kinda unnerving

I just can’t tell if the suggestive and flirty chat is normal or not. Again, as I said I go along with it too, so it’s not just him. But is he actually interested in me? Or just wanting sex. We’ve spoken for about a month now so I guess flirting at this stage is normal
But regardless, as I said, I do like the attention and I’m tired of being the girl that’s experienced nothing. I want to experience things sexually, but I always said I’d wait until the right person. This guy, I don’t know if I see a relationship forming really. So it leaves me in a difficult place because I’ve got to fight between lust and my logical mind which knows I’d probably be ashamed of myself in the end and possibly regret it if I did anything with him

Lol I don’t know, this post is a mess but I just wanted to rant about this. The main question I had actually was about whether it seems like he’s actually interested in me, or just sexually interested
Our conversation ended again today, and again I’ve been really sad because of it
It’s like I crave attention, which I hate. But when I have some attention, and then it goes away - I feel super empty and even more alone
I want him to ask me out again not just tell me to “come see him”
I feel like now that our convo ended again, he won’t message again. I was the first one to message after our date, so who’s to say he will ever message me again, despite the things he was saying these last couple days

I don’t want to be constantly waiting for a text🙄

I want to know whether he’s interested or not. Even if he’s not interested in a relationship (which I assume) a big part of me still wants him to be interested in me sexually if that’s all it is? Because I want that attention, and if he asked me to meet up again I would most likely go, even knowing that

Sigh I know that’s a pretty toxic way to think but I just want someone to want me, you know?

Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated x
Did you send any nudes
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CaptainDuckie
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#3
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#3
I feel like you’re in this situation because both of you didn’t clarify what you wanted when you first started talking - take this as a strong lesson for next time because you’re now having to spectate everything pointlessly. You need to ask him directly what he wants from you.

From what you posted, I would say he wants something casual with you but I’m not going to continue because at the end of the day I could do it for ages.
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YaliaV123
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#4
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#4
It doesn’t seem like he’s interested in anything meaningful and you may end up feeling used if you do anything with him. It’s natural to like attention, but you shouldn’t base your happiness on whether you are receiving it. Fill your life with other things and you’ll find someone decent eventually.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Did you send any nudes
No
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Askellad
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#6
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#6
Tbh you can hide the fact your a virgin from guys to see if they are more genuine. They only really need to know that when things do get to the an intimate stage in a relationship. By that point you'd already have sussed them out. Tho this guy in particular yeah hes giving conquest vibes. Some guys see it as an achievement to be first.
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Final Fantasy
Badges: 20
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
It sounds like all these problems stem from using Tinder. If you stop using that particular app, problem solved?
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 1 month ago
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