How is this fair?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
#1
My longest bf of 1 and a half yrs (Guy A) broke up with me a fw weeks ago. I say im over it. but im not. he wouldnt talk with me after he sent me a message ending things, blocked me. and it hurts so much becz everything he said still plays in my head on replay, every promise feels like a lie. my friends seem like they dont care. one of my two best friends for a bunch of years, still keeps contact with him even though she knows i hate it. they keep a snapstreak and he told her that their friendship means a lot to him. they only met becz of me. she says its her life and thats her longest snapstreak and she dont want to break it. he used to know how insecure i was about him talking with her, and they stopped talking for a few months back when we were together. I've been hurt a lot before, and so did he., so it was mutual that way. Another boy i crushed on before this ex, ghosted me to flirt with her (this happend last year). Another guy (Guy C for now) I used to flirt with, used to hit on her at the same time, and I kept my distance from him when I found out. Guy C then got jealous about me and Guy A, since me and Guy A were very serious about our relationship. Guy A and C are best friends. Guy A knew about me and C from before, and he was okay with it since it was over and I told him how much i regretted it. he reassured me saying my past didnt matter. in the end Guy C (who said he deleted every chat between me and him) send all the messages to Guy A, which caused the breakup since A felt I cheated on him (even though C thing was before A). I feel hurt and betrayed by my friends and him. So much that, I'm whinning to strangers on the internet which I know is stupid. I cant sleep at night and I feel empty. I pretend i'm happy but it feels suffocating.
Guy A was the first guy to ever really listen and understand, he was always there for me, we'd talk about our future, he asked me to marry him and i said yes, his family loved me, he'd dream about us and chose a name for our future kid, everything was perfectly planned out. We couldnt stay apart. I saw him at his most vulnerable and he's kept me strong when i feel like i cant carry on. For once i thought things would work out.
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Anonymous 911
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#2
Report 5 months ago
#2
I say you should move on, it seems GuyA is interested in your best friend, same with your best friend also interested in GuyA. Stay away from GuyC, Don't let him know what's up with you, also that your best friend she doesn't seem like a good friend, it looks like she's taking advantage of you, cos I got a best friend and he knew I was into this girl and he stayed clear, same with me, when I found he was into the girl I wanted to move with, I stayed clear.
Your best friend might have told them something behind your back, I'd say stay away from her and GuyC, because he is jealous and you no longer have feelings for GuyC.
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Anonymous 911
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#3
Report 5 months ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
My longest bf of 1 and a half yrs (Guy A) broke up with me a fw weeks ago. I say im over it. but im not. he wouldnt talk with me after he sent me a message ending things, blocked me. and it hurts so much becz everything he said still plays in my head on replay, every promise feels like a lie. my friends seem like they dont care. one of my two best friends for a bunch of years, still keeps contact with him even though she knows i hate it. they keep a snapstreak and he told her that their friendship means a lot to him. they only met becz of me. she says its her life and thats her longest snapstreak and she dont want to break it. he used to know how insecure i was about him talking with her, and they stopped talking for a few months back when we were together. I've been hurt a lot before, and so did he., so it was mutual that way. Another boy i crushed on before this ex, ghosted me to flirt with her (this happend last year). Another guy (Guy C for now) I used to flirt with, used to hit on her at the same time, and I kept my distance from him when I found out. Guy C then got jealous about me and Guy A, since me and Guy A were very serious about our relationship. Guy A and C are best friends. Guy A knew about me and C from before, and he was okay with it since it was over and I told him how much i regretted it. he reassured me saying my past didnt matter. in the end Guy C (who said he deleted every chat between me and him) send all the messages to Guy A, which caused the breakup since A felt I cheated on him (even though C thing was before A). I feel hurt and betrayed by my friends and him. So much that, I'm whinning to strangers on the internet which I know is stupid. I cant sleep at night and I feel empty. I pretend i'm happy but it feels suffocating.
Guy A was the first guy to ever really listen and understand, he was always there for me, we'd talk about our future, he asked me to marry him and i said yes, his family loved me, he'd dream about us and chose a name for our future kid, everything was perfectly planned out. We couldnt stay apart. I saw him at his most vulnerable and he's kept me strong when i feel like i cant carry on. For once i thought things would work out.
If GuyA truly loves you or if he did, he will return back to you or else he wasn't, maybe he liked you because you were beautiful or you looked great and he seeing someone better changed his mind, together with what he heard. I'd say, focus on yourself for now, move on, do the things you like, find new hobbies, new interests or things you always wished to do.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
#4
Thank you so much for your messages, it means a lot to me. Things have been really hard. I've blocked guy C, I dont think i could ever forgive him for what he did to me. I've got big trust issues from things that happenned when i was younger, and looking back i feel like C took advantage of it. He called me his best friend and made me promise not to tell anyone about the flirting, and when we ended things he swore he deleted everything and made me delete our past messages too. When Guy C sent the messages to my ex A, he only sent the things I said and made it seem like I forced him into it, when it was the other way around. It made me feel slutty and hate myself for letting him in. Guy A knew about my past and all this hurt and he still believed his friend over me, which hurt a lot.
I've been tryna focus myself on uni but my ex Guy A is stuck in my mind, he haunts my dreams and the things he said I cant get out of. I miss him, but he doesnt seem to care anymore.......
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Anonymous 911
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#5
Report 5 months ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for your messages, it means a lot to me. Things have been really hard. I've blocked guy C, I dont think i could ever forgive him for what he did to me. I've got big trust issues from things that happenned when i was younger, and looking back i feel like C took advantage of it. He called me his best friend and made me promise not to tell anyone about the flirting, and when we ended things he swore he deleted everything and made me delete our past messages too. When Guy C sent the messages to my ex A, he only sent the things I said and made it seem like I forced him into it, when it was the other way around. It made me feel slutty and hate myself for letting him in. Guy A knew about my past and all this hurt and he still believed his friend over me, which hurt a lot.
I've been tryna focus myself on uni but my ex Guy A is stuck in my mind, he haunts my dreams and the things he said I cant get out of. I miss him, but he doesnt seem to care anymore.......
Just try your best to move on, try new stuffs, develop new interests, try things you wished you tried out, move out with friends and have fun, if guyA truly is for you, he will come back and apologize, believeing your girlfriend is a top priority, you can't take some guy's word especially an ex over her's. If he does come back forgive him, guys do make irrational decisions when they are angry or jealous.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
#6
I do want to forgive him, I already have. I get what he was going through.

I've always loved kittens, but never had one as a pet for long and Guy A knew that. For my last bday he wanted to surprise me with one. He drove everywhere in town to find one "cute enough for me", and he didnt find the perfect one according to him. When I found out, I told him that it was too much and I'd rather just have a card if he really wanted to get me something, and he said "I'm your goddamn husband, its my job to make your dreams come true, and imma make each of em come true, one at a time", and it meant so much to me. He saved up for a few months and then drove to another town a bit further away (since one of his cousins said they had cute pets there), and then bought me one.

When his parents would fight sometimes, it would bother him a lot. he couldnt tell any of his friends cause they'd think less of him, he didnt trust anyone as much as me, and he'd tell me about it, just talk all night, and id make him feel better. we promised to each other, that when we'd have a lil kid of our own we'd love him/her with all our heart, and never fight like that. When he asked me to marry him, I didnt think twice, I know I'm young but we planned our wedding which would only happen after probably 6 more years. Every detail, from inviting our friends and family, to how he'd blush when he'd see me. I'd never felt this way about anyone before. I was so sure it was him, made for me. But from the things he's told others about me, when he's angry it just hurts so bad. Makes me question whether it was all a lie, just in my head.
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Anonymous 911
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#7
Report 4 months ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I do want to forgive him, I already have. I get what he was going through.

I've always loved kittens, but never had one as a pet for long and Guy A knew that. For my last bday he wanted to surprise me with one. He drove everywhere in town to find one "cute enough for me", and he didnt find the perfect one according to him. When I found out, I told him that it was too much and I'd rather just have a card if he really wanted to get me something, and he said "I'm your goddamn husband, its my job to make your dreams come true, and imma make each of em come true, one at a time", and it meant so much to me. He saved up for a few months and then drove to another town a bit further away (since one of his cousins said they had cute pets there), and then bought me one.

When his parents would fight sometimes, it would bother him a lot. he couldnt tell any of his friends cause they'd think less of him, he didnt trust anyone as much as me, and he'd tell me about it, just talk all night, and id make him feel better. we promised to each other, that when we'd have a lil kid of our own we'd love him/her with all our heart, and never fight like that. When he asked me to marry him, I didnt think twice, I know I'm young but we planned our wedding which would only happen after probably 6 more years. Every detail, from inviting our friends and family, to how he'd blush when he'd see me. I'd never felt this way about anyone before. I was so sure it was him, made for me. But from the things he's told others about me, when he's angry it just hurts so bad. Makes me question whether it was all a lie, just in my head.
It seems the guy loves you a lot, it's normal for guys to say or do things when we are angry, especially at a loved one, but things we say when we are angry to a loved one, 50% of them are not true.
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 4 months ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous 911)
It seems the guy loves you a lot, it's normal for guys to say or do things when we are angry, especially at a loved one, but things we say when we are angry to a loved one, 50% of them are not true.
Do you think I could get him back? He unblocked me and I messaged him about how i still think about him, he said he doesnt because its over, in capital letters. I messaged him again about how it seems unfair and im sorry, but it hurts how hes giving up without even talking about it, by trusting his stupid friend guy. IDK how to get to him, he's been insecure about me leaving him for someone better looking, and I want him to know I'd never do that.
Its harder when everyone gives me different answers, about how i should leave him and deserve better, but maybe talk it out with him. I know i care about him a lot, i know what we had is worth it, but im afraid he's changed.
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Anonymous 911
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#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think I could get him back? He unblocked me and I messaged him about how i still think about him, he said he doesnt because its over, in capital letters. I messaged him again about how it seems unfair and im sorry, but it hurts how hes giving up without even talking about it, by trusting his stupid friend guy. IDK how to get to him, he's been insecure about me leaving him for someone better looking, and I want him to know I'd never do that.
Its harder when everyone gives me different answers, about how i should leave him and deserve better, but maybe talk it out with him. I know i care about him a lot, i know what we had is worth it, but im afraid he's changed.
I don't think so, it seems like he has moved on. If you know you were not at fault at the relationship, move on and look for someone better, but it feels like you are not adding something. If you want the best advice ever, you have to be true to me and yourself, were you at fault in the relationship? Did you do something wrong? Please share.
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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous 911)
I don't think so, it seems like he has moved on. If you know you were not at fault at the relationship, move on and look for someone better, but it feels like you are not adding something. If you want the best advice ever, you have to be true to me and yourself, were you at fault in the relationship? Did you do something wrong? Please share.
Yea this was from a long time ago, I finally got over him, dated another guy for 1 month and a half (and we broke up cause the spark wasn't there anymore apparently), and this guy who I talked about on this post came back to me, and told me he was wrong, and how he made the most stupid decision in his entire life, letting me go was just his biggest mistake and he's sorry; but my feelings for him finally died, I loved too hard and it took me forever but finally over him and now he wants me back, we still talk on friend basis kinda, cause he said he doesn't wanna lose me and I'm bad at cutting people off from my life.

I wasn't at fault in that relationship and it took him time to realize it, I never cheated on him, I never lied to him, in fact it was toxic, I just ignored the red flags, pretended it was a carnival - he was really insecure about me cheating, so I had to cut off every guy friend of mine cause he didn't like it, I couldn't spend time on my own since he thought I'd be pulling away, I had to constantly let him know where I was with who I was which is suffocating but I loved him and stayed with him, but somewhere along the way I learnt that love wasn't enough, there's gotta be trust and respect, and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship if this kept up.
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