How to stop feeling like a bad person

My ex and I were in a really toxic relationship and we’ve been on and off for so long, the main reason we ended was because he called me really horrible names and played mind games to the point it really affected my confidence and I honestly felt bad about myself every single day. I’m not trying to play victim but I feel like he was really manipulative towards me and he would always talk to other females behind my back e.c.t. Anyways, I still do really care for him which is why I can’t cut him off completely, I’ve tried to tell him I just want to be on good terms but it ends in an argument with him telling me “I knew you was gonna do this to me” or “we’re not on good terms if you cut me off” so I never wanted to block him out my life totally because I still love him despite what he’s done.
Last week I asked to call because I wanted to tell him that I don’t want to be on and off like this and that I want us to move on because we always randomly talk but when he asks to meet me idky I just get really nervous and avoid it, but anyway he rang and he made me feel like such a bad person he told me I always bring up the past and that he thinks by me constantly bringing up his past mistakes that I’m just trying to cause an argument and attack him which isn’t true I was just telling him that what he did hurt me and I know he’s apologised and there’s nothing else he can really do but it still bothers me coz he still said the stuff he did :frown:

but I just feel so guilty because looking back I was being moody but only because he ended the phone on me twice and when I was trying to talk about things he kept laughing then saying it’s coz he’s high? But anyway I just feel like maybe I’m the toxic one and I just hate myself I wish I never agreed to call that day coz it made things 10x worse and it wasn’t my intention to make him feel bad abt himself. I tried ringing him to apologise but he never picked up so :frown:

Reply 1

anosmianAcrimony

It really doesn't sound like you were "the toxic one" here. It doesn't sound like he cared much for your feelings.

There are times when two people being together, or even being in contact, just leads to toxicity and trampled feelings. It's often not even useful or legitimate to try to assign blame or guilt to one person or the other. But it can be completely legitimate to say, "Yes, I do still care for this person, but I'm still going to cut them off completely because us being in contact just doesn't do good things for either of us." That can be a kindness, especially in the long run, although it doesn't feel like one in the short term.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 2

CaptainDuckie

Study Forum Helper

You’re not the bad person for saying how you feel and trying to get acknowledgment. I would have said you were bad if you kept using his past against him which it doesn’t seem like you did. It just seems like a huge misunderstanding tbh; he seems very childish and slow. Don’t settle for this guy, I’m telling you. You may feel like he’s the only person that will ever love you but until you explore this big world, you will look back at this moment and be ashamed that you ran back into this cycle. It’s alright though. I wish you’d cut him off but I know it’s hard. If there’s one thing I can say, it’s that love has bad aspects and good aspects. If you objectively keep looking at your love for him in the good aspects, the more harder it becomes to cut him off.

How to stop feeling like a bad person

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you