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music gcse lyrics

as practise for our composition we had to write a song as a group and ours is dreadful
could anyone please give improvement and be really harsh critics!
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So take a deep breath before diving in
Don’t let the salt seep under your skin
Just let the waves reel you in

reel you in
reel you in
just let the waves reel you in

the sirens they called out to me
yeh they dared me to sail out to sea
the whispers in the wind
the spitting of the ocean waves
led me to this place
led me to my grave

Cause I just wish the voices in my head
Would go and talk to someone else instead
Yeah the vicious waves they rip away
The tides are leading me astray
i try to find the beam of light
then everything will be alright
but what if it all stays dark
the jagged rocks will surely leave a mark

this ship is going down
if i jump i fear I'll drown
so do i stay and sink with her
be a noble captain remember what i'm worth
i can't save her
it's too late for the both of us
so i'm just gonna lay here
let go of all my fears

Cause I just wished the voices in my head
Would go and talk to someone else instead
Yeh the vicious waves they ripped away
The tides lead me astray
if i managed to find the beam of light
then everything would have been alright
but it all stayed dark
and those jagged rocks, they left a mark on me

they left a mark
they left a mark
they left a mark
they really left a mark on me
i think its really good i wouldn't be able to write a song like that myself so well done. But add a good beat to it, that would sound good.
As it is, I genuinely believe it would be good enough. There are a few lines that seem way too stuffed with syllables (most notably; "be a noble captain remember what i'm worth"), and a few rhyming couplets that have mismatched syllables (eg; the first two lines). Some other lines look like they would sound awkward when sung, but I can't tell without hearing how they're delivered. Nice to see a couple of internal rhymes.

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