How to initiate touch? Especially in romantic context

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I only touch other people when they initiate something like a hug and sexual/romantic context of touch is pretty much foreign to me. How do people become comfortable with touching other people? Especially in the context of initiating it with someone they are attracted to or touching after the other person initiates. And how do people know where and when they can touch so that the other person likes it and not find it creepy? The one time i forced myself to try it with a girl i liked at the time despite all the fear it didnt end very well which made me even more insecure about initiating touch.
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black tea
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#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
You do it very cautiously and watch for the other persons's response. If they start reciprocating, making eye contact, smiling etc. that means they are OK with what you are doing and you can try to proceed further. If they pull away, or freeze, or look frightened etc. you stop there and then.

To be on the safe side, you could try something like pretending to take a hair off their clothes - that way, it's not sexual or intimate, but will let you see how they react to your touching them. If they seem OK with that, a bit later on, you could try something like brushing past their hand when you are walking next to them and if they don't pull away, attempts tot hold their hand. Or you could always just ask to hold their hand. Eventually, as you become more comfortable with each other, you can progress to doing other things. Communication, and that includes looking out for non-verbal cues, is the key really.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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I am probably overthinking it but i am still afraid it would feel very stressful and unnatural for me as i am calculating basic social cues to try to understand the other person and therefore make them feel like i am some kind of creep. I think that is what happened the last time i tried. I was trying to look for all the changes in behaviour and failed to notice anything until it was too late and i made her very uncomfortabl andfelt horrible for it. I feel like i am still missing something. Maybe i should just ask verbally? I somehow dont like this option but i am afraid it is necessary.
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black tea
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am probably overthinking it but i am still afraid it would feel very stressful and unnatural for me as i am calculating basic social cues to try to understand the other person and therefore make them feel like i am some kind of creep. I think that is what happened the last time i tried. I was trying to look for all the changes in behaviour and failed to notice anything until it was too late and i made her very uncomfortabl andfelt horrible for it. I feel like i am still missing something. Maybe i should just ask verbally? I somehow dont like this option but i am afraid it is necessary.
I don't think anyone would look down on you for asking verbally - may be the safest option for many reasons.

Good luck. This sort of stuff gets easier with practice.
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