I got upset that my bf played ‘who’s the most attractive person in the room game”

So my bf went to a party last week and he was talking to me how they decided to play a game where each person says who they find most attractive in the room, he said he didn’t get to answer because some drama happened with some other guy, but I asked him would have you answered the question and he says yes because it’s just a game and there were attractive girls there. I got upset about this and he got annoyed because I was being insecure and it was just a game and no one else would be as insecure about it as me, we had an argument but I decided to take the L because I didn’t want this to escalate into something big that it shouldn’t have. It’s been two days since we spoke about this but I feel like I was right to not feel happy with his reply. Am I being over sensitive and let things be or am I right to be unhappy about it and tell him again that it’s not okay? He seems to have concluded that he wasn’t in the wrong. I’m fine with people being attracted to others in a relationship but if I was in his position I wouldn’t have answered out of respect of the relationship.

Reply 1

username3477548

20

he's not the one bestie

Reply 2

Reality Check

22

Original post by Anonymous

So my bf went to a party last week and he was talking to me how they decided to play a game where each person says who they find most attractive in the room, he said he didn’t get to answer because some drama happened with some other guy, but I asked him would have you answered the question and he says yes because it’s just a game and there were attractive girls there. I got upset about this and he got annoyed because I was being insecure and it was just a game and no one else would be as insecure about it as me, we had an argument but I decided to take the L because I didn’t want this to escalate into something big that it shouldn’t have. It’s been two days since we spoke about this but I feel like I was right to not feel happy with his reply. Am I being over sensitive and let things be or am I right to be unhappy about it and tell him again that it’s not okay? He seems to have concluded that he wasn’t in the wrong. I’m fine with people being attracted to others in a relationship but if I was in his position I wouldn’t have answered out of respect of the relationship.

It's a bit insensitive, but is it life-changing? Pick your battles.

dump him

That game is worse than Truth or Dare.

Reply 5

whydoidothis?

21

Nothing wrong with what he did at all?

It's a harmless drinking game, it's not like you were there and he picked someone else instead.

Also to the people saying dump him, please grow up. Would you dump your imaginary partner if they told you they found someone good-looking? Its practically the same thing.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 6

2026_helia

15

This is my response to what I understanmd of this situation. You don't necessarily have to agree with what I think and say, and thats okay. I hope this is helpful anyway.
I feel that he should have a right to say what he thinks, but if he is aware of the affect he has on you by saying so, he could have chosen to acknowledge that and keep quiet as to not hurt you. But even so, he should be comfortable voicing his feelings in any way [appropriate]. But if he wasn't aware, then I personally don't feel it was his fault for truthfully saying that he's naturally attracted to others there. Your insecurity limits your boyfriend's freedom of expression (in this case, freely saying who he's attracted to, as it's not his fault for having those feelings anyway), which is what may have been the thing that fustrated him - that you may have made it feel like it's his fault for being attracted to other people because you can't stand it yourself (/ie feel insecure about it). But it's good that you realise people in a relationship can be attracted to others, as that is part of being human. It's very helpful to try and communicate and try and understand his point of view first. By showing your awareness of his side, you could give him a chance to see your reasoning behind your side too. Then yu can offer to discuss what can be done about it and work together as a team to help you grow.

Personal growth is a part of what relationships are about.

Also, it's completely okay to feel this way. I hope you grow to feel more secure about yourself.

Reply 7

Elize W

13

Your right to feel bad about it is completly separate matter than if he did anything wrong. He didnt do anything wrong. You have a right to be upset. Explore your insecurity and ask him not to do that - not because it is wrong but because it makes you insecure. Dont direct your frustration towards him. He had no idea that would make you upset.

Reply 8

2026_helia

15

Original post by Elize W

Your right to feel bad about it is completly separate matter than if he did anything wrong. He didnt do anything wrong. You have a right to be upset. Explore your insecurity and ask him not to do that - not because it is wrong but because it makes you insecure. Dont direct your frustration towards him. He had no idea that would make you upset.

this

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Elize W

Your right to feel bad about it is completly separate matter than if he did anything wrong. He didnt do anything wrong. You have a right to be upset. Explore your insecurity and ask him not to do that - not because it is wrong but because it makes you insecure. Dont direct your frustration towards him. He had no idea that would make you upset.

He knew it would make me upset because he’s aware that I’m insecure about certain things like that. Obviously he didn’t do it with malicious intent but the fact that he disrespects my feelings for the sake of an ecstasy induced game

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Elize W

Your right to feel bad about it is completly separate matter than if he did anything wrong. He didnt do anything wrong. You have a right to be upset. Explore your insecurity and ask him not to do that - not because it is wrong but because it makes you insecure. Dont direct your frustration towards him. He had no idea that would make you upset.

Just curious on why you think he did nothing wrong?

I'm sure if a girl was at a party calling other guys hot while her boyfriend wasn't around, everyone would say it was wrong.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 2026_helia

this

I asked him that I wasn’t comfortable and to not do it, but he got upset about it and made me feel controlling

Reply 12

username3477548

20

Original post by Anonymous

He knew it would make me upset because he’s aware that I’m insecure about certain things like that. Obviously he didn’t do it with malicious intent but the fact that he disrespects my feelings for the sake of an ecstasy induced game

You need to have a conversation with him about this. His response will tell you everything you need to know.

Original post by whydoidothis?

Nothing wrong with what he did at all?

It's a harmless drinking game, it's not like you were there and he picked someone else instead.

Also to the people saying dump him, please grow up. Would you dump your imaginary partner if they told you they found someone good-looking? Its practically the same thing.

quote people if you're talking about them

Reply 13

2026_helia

15

Original post by Anonymous

I asked him that I wasn’t comfortable and to not do it, but he got upset about it and made me feel controlling

Ah, okay. I completely understand where youre coming from now. Why do you think he got upset?

Reply 14

Elize W

13

Original post by Anonymous

I asked him that I wasn’t comfortable and to not do it, but he got upset about it and made me feel controlling

Then it is a matter of where your and your bf boundries are. It seems like he refuses to stop acting that way and you are not ok with him doing it. If you dont agree to each others boundries break up. Go slow about it and make a good decision If you ignore the problem the relationship is going to collapse on its own from the resentment growing in both of you.

Reply 15

Anonymous #3

You guys just have different boundaries, I don’t think anyone was really in the wrong, and I think you should consider leaving the relationship. Personally, I would be pissed simply because it’s such an immature game and I can’t see myself dating anyone that would enjoy games like these - they are emptier too young, or mentally too young.

My main reason for ending the relationship is how he acted after you expressed your concerns. It sounds toxic and he was not all open to hearing and respecting how you felt. You will either need to be open to further uncomfortable situations or continue fighting, as he doesn’t seem like someone willing to change. Are you fine with that?

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by 2026_helia

Ah, okay. I completely understand where youre coming from now. Why do you think he got upset?

Because he either thought me expressing my insecurities meant I don’t think he’s loyal and I don’t trust him (I don’t) and/or he feels I’m trying to set an unecessary boundary and he shouldn’t change his opinion or whatever