One of my traits - good or bad

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Sss03
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I just wanted to ask about something that I always do and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If it’s a bad thing how do I go about changing it or controlling it. Basically what it is, when I meet someone such as friends or family member. If I notice a certain outlet or behaviour that almost in a way shows there real self I instantly switch off, I still respect them but In some sense it’s lost. Especially if it’s a family member even if they acted nicely before if I see them acting in a wrong manner more than once I just don’t respond in a loving way if that makes sense. I’m just worried that I will do that too a genuinely nice person, like future spouse or future friend.
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Final Fantasy
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I have a similar thing. Can always tells when someone isn't being genuine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's been an incredibly useful form of intuition and helped me out many times in the past. I suggest you hone it and use it to your advantage.
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Sss03
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(Original post by Final Fantasy)
I have a similar thing. Can always tells when someone isn't being genuine. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it's been an incredibly useful form of intuition and helped me out many times in the past. I suggest you hone it and use it to your advantage.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. That true it does help me out in some situation. I definitely will continue to listen to my instincts, thank u
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route255
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Coming from the other side. I notice people switch off or change , I am being genuine but I do notice it.
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Sss03
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(Original post by route255)
Coming from the other side. I notice people switch off or change , I am being genuine but I do notice it.
Yeah, which is probs hard aswell from ur end. Once u
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sss03)
Yeah, which is probs hard aswell from ur end. Once u
(Original post by route255)
Coming from the other side. I notice people switch off or change , I am being genuine but I do notice it
Do they ever switch back on or act the way they did before closing them selves off. Because Thts what I’m trying to do. I think it’s a case of us just putting that wall back so that our trust isn’t betrayed or hurt really, I just realised it now.
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LeafMeAlonee
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That's me too tbh, I kinda become guarded.
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Nadia-J
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(Original post by Sss03)
I just wanted to ask about something that I always do and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If it’s a bad thing how do I go about changing it or controlling it. Basically what it is, when I meet someone such as friends or family member. If I notice a certain outlet or behaviour that almost in a way shows there real self I instantly switch off, I still respect them but In some sense it’s lost. Especially if it’s a family member even if they acted nicely before if I see them acting in a wrong manner more than once I just don’t respond in a loving way if that makes sense. I’m just worried that I will do that too a genuinely nice person, like future spouse or future friend.
This sounds quite similar to me. It’s when I expect them to do not a certain trait especially when they portray it like that, but they still go ahead and do something insensitive or off putting, I just get sort of emotionally detached, I don’t see them in the same light and I become distant.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nadia-J)
This sounds quite similar to me. It’s when I expect them to do not a certain trait especially when they portray it like that, but they still go ahead and do something insensitive or off putting, I just get sort of emotionally detached, I don’t see them in the same light and I become distant.
That’s exactly how I am. I don’t see them the way I did before, but then again I’m worried that i might be doing that to a genuinely decent person and it’s just all in my mind.
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Nadia-J
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s exactly how I am. I don’t see them the way I did before, but then again I’m worried that i might be doing that to a genuinely decent person and it’s just all in my mind.
You can kind of get a gut feeling and can sometimes gauge from other people whether the person is genuine or not. I generally see good in people unless they give me a clear reason not to, but then again I’m quite a softie so I’ll just overlook their mistakes and try and give them the benefit of the doubt
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Nadia-J)
You can kind of get a gut feeling and can sometimes gauge from other people whether the person is genuine or not. I generally see good in people unless they give me a clear reason not to, but then again I’m quite a softie so I’ll just overlook their mistakes and try and give them the benefit of the doubt
That’s true and u can’t go wrong with ur instincts. That’s exactly me. I think when u have met so many fake ppl once u meet the decent ones it’s just natural to question which I think that’s the stage I’m at now, prob might be the same for majority
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route255
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I always try and nice to whoever, unless someone is really bad. I do notice when people have their guard up. I think now being nice is seen as a weakness. Its funny people say fake it to make it yet that's not being the real you!
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SlaveofAll
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You just simply have a defense mechanism, which you probably need to tone down in some contexts.
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Anonymous #2
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When I finally have someone open up to me, and show me all their vulnerabilities, I stop caring about them, or whatevr I was feeling for them that I initally felt. I sense that I become more manipulative as soon as I realise I have power over them in this way. I'm not sure what to make of it, and as this is a triat I found myself having, I wonder what others may think?

Also, I think the trait you have is completely normal. You sense distrust, which naturally makes you up your guard to prevent being hurt by this person. Hence, you switch off, to avoid potential emotional pain. A protective mechanism.
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Sss03
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(Original post by route255)
I always try and nice to whoever, unless someone is really bad. I do notice when people have their guard up. I think now being nice is seen as a weakness. Its funny people say fake it to make it yet that's not being the real you!
I agree with the bit of being nice is seen as weakness it’s also seen as being naive, I think the main reason is because it’s rare to meet genuinely nice ppl.
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Sss03
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(Original post by Anonymous)
When I finally have someone open up to me, and show me all their vulnerabilities, I stop caring about them, or whatevr I was feeling for them that I initally felt. I sense that I become more manipulative as soon as I realise I have power over them in this way. I'm not sure what to make of it, and as this is a triat I found myself having, I wonder what others may think?

Also, I think the trait you have is completely normal. You sense distrust, which naturally makes you up your guard to prevent being hurt by this person. Hence, you switch off, to avoid potential emotional pain. A protective mechanism.
I’ve never actually seen anyone open up about that trait. Quick question tho? U mentioned that when ppl open up and show there vulnerable u switch but do u open up and show ur vulnerability’s or do u put up that wall and try to manipulate others so that they don’t hurt u first in a way.

What u said about my protective mechanism I completey agree. Now I know why I have that trait - just a way to protect myself.
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Sss03
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(Original post by SlaveofAll)
You just simply have a defense mechanism, which you probably need to tone down in some contexts.
I think it’s only now that I know it’s my defence mechanism, I didn’t really see it that way before. I think now that I just have to give ppl time and step back a bit and think of them of how they were before I put my wall up again
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SlaveofAll
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(Original post by Sss03)
I think it’s only now that I know it’s my defence mechanism, I didn’t really see it that way before. I think now that I just have to give ppl time and step back a bit and think of them of how they were before I put my wall up again
A time apart from people should help you clear your mind. By the way, are you female? How old are you?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Sss03)
I’ve never actually seen anyone open up about that trait. Quick question tho? U mentioned that when ppl open up and show there vulnerable u switch but do u open up and show ur vulnerability’s or do u put up that wall and try to manipulate others so that they don’t hurt u first in a way.

What u said about my protective mechanism I completey agree. Now I know why I have that trait - just a way to protect myself.
I may open up about myself, but I've come to simply be emotionally detached. The people who open themselves up to me, they are my plaything, until I get bored of them. i consider hurting them, but so far, it feels inconvenient. Unless they interest me. Or, if I wanted to feel a bit of power, I'd exploit the power they give me, over them, making them emotionally dependent on me, until I finish.
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Sss03
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I may open up about myself, but I've come to simply be emotionally detached. The people who open themselves up to me, they are my plaything, until I get bored of them. i consider hurting them, but so far, it feels inconvenient. Unless they interest me. Or, if I wanted to feel a bit of power, I'd exploit the power they give me, over them, making them emotionally dependent on me, until I finish.
I think you need to reconnect with yourself and just try and think back to what made u emotionally detach from others cause it can change u. I hope u don’t mind me saying this but I think you need to focus on your vulnerability and the type of emotion it causes in you and that is possibly reflecting onto the ppl u meet. Cause in the long run it can damage u. Have u tried talking to someone or do u want to - apologies if I’m crossing the line here but do u think the way ur treating others is in a way ‘normal’.
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