The Student Room Group

AITA?

There's a guy I'm speaking to, and we've been doing sexual stuff and hanging out every day. He has a mental illness, which is fine, but it can make him apathetic and uninterested in general things. He's on medication now that reduces his libido. I've been feeling the disinterest and apathy for a while (it's not towards me, he wants to hang out, talk, etc) but I feel as though it's affecting any chance of a relationship (we aren't in one yet). It's hard to engage him in conversation and we mostly watch movies and play video games. I'll be honest, the only part in our lives that made me feel like we WERE somewhat on track to becoming partners is the sex. He doesn't seem overly affectionate otherwise. And now that's gone, I don't know if I want a relationship because it feels like there's no romantic feelings there. AITA for backing out for those reasons?
He probably is aware that his condition makes him feel this way and he probably worries about it too from time to time and how it can affect other people. He is going through it too and both of you are having a hard time. I wonder if you just gave it more time, I am not sure how long you have been dating but he might feel more and more comfortable around you when time goes on and he might open himself up more to possibilities. His way of communicating with you might be through movies and games but it is not effective and doesn't help you in away way. Have you suggested going places? Normally not much conversation happens indoors while focusing on other things. How interested is he in you? and does he like you romantically? It also sounds like he needs time, he has so much going on that being affectionate is just too much or he is just too low. Try and ask him what he wants to, talk to him and ask him why conversation is hard and that you understand his medication is affecting him. Lastly, ask what he wants and treflect on what you would want from a relationship. You can work together or make a decision to leave and find someone else who is easy to converse with and have meaningful interactions. Good luck x
You say that he has a mental illness which is fine. But is it?

If it's very clearly a mental illness from which he will make a full and permanent recovery, then it may be fine.
Otherwise you have to be a certain type of person to be able to happily live with a mentally ill person.
Or he needs some hugely positive compensating traits with those traits being ones you value highly.

From the sound of things, neither of these apply. It sounds like you are a fairly middle of the road young woman and that he is quite ordinary man with a mental illness.

Chances are, you'd be happier in the long term with a man with no mental illness and who is worthy of your love and who will love you.
It doesn't make sense for you sacrifice your long term happiness.

End this relationship. Sooner rather than later. And continue your search for a good enough man.
no you’re not TA at all. it is perfectly fine to not want to continue pursuing a relationship for this reason. of course, he can’t help having his mental illness and i wish him and you both the best - but if you feel unwanted and are the sort of person that craves affection (which he seems to be unable to givr you at present) it would be best to end it so you can both find people best for you.
like the others have said, try to talk about it with him first and then if nothing really changes its not good for either of you

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