Dating our lecturer

Reply 60

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Reality Check

That's the great thing about TSR - you ask for an opinion, you get an unvarnished one. :laugh:

I don’t mind people giving me their honestly advice, I just don’t want hurtful judgement and comments, there’s no need!

Reply 61

username3477548

20

Original post by Anonymous

I would like to have boundaries in this situation but she has confided all these details about their relationship with me. I never asked her to. The things she’s been telling me are concerning, as a friend it’s important to do what you can to help.

If you're friends with someone you don't snitch on them after they've trusted you.

Also, you sound extremely judgemental and unhappy about her relationship. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she deserves a better friend.

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 62

Anonymous #1

OP

lol

Original post by ageshallnot

As m'learned friend pointed out above it's a public forum. My comments are at least as valid as anyone else's.

Original post by ehusername

People are forgetting that this is a professor and student relationship, one that literally shouldn't even exist, and y'all turning it into something it probably isn't for the OP. :/

Absolutely entitled to post your own opinion but why feel the need if it is a hurtful comment towards someone? Why can’t we give advice and help if we disagree, rather than tear someone down

Reply 63

bones-mccoy

19

OP, I do think people are being unecessarily harsh. For me, it's not the fact that he's older, or even the fact that he teaches at the same university your friend attends but more so the fact that he'll be marking her work and concerns for her wellbeing.

Idk about you but I'd be pissed if I found out a friend could potentially get a better grade than me just because she's sleeping with her supervisor, and anyone who says they'd be fine with that is a liar. Plus the power dynamic is very unbalanced, things could easily turn nasty and start impacting her wellbeing. God knows how many students this guy has 'dated' before, he could be a serial offender and be waiting for the next young person to manipulate.

Also where's all the posters commenting 'paedo' and 'nonce' you see on every other thread that has a usually younger woman dating a usually older guy? Noticeably quiet :rolleyes:

(edited 2 years ago)

Reply 64

ageshallnot

21

Original post by Anonymous

lol

Absolutely entitled to post your own opinion but why feel the need if it is a hurtful comment towards someone? Why can’t we give advice and help if we disagree, rather than tear someone down

Ok my advice is to mind your own business and stop being sanctimonious.

Reply 65

StriderHort

21

♫ You Can't Always Get What You Want ♪

Reply 66

Reality Check

22

Original post by ageshallnot

Ok my advice is to mind your own business and stop being sanctimonious.

No, but what do you really think, ASN :laugh:

Reply 67

Bio 7

21

OP you seem to have an issue with people not agreeing with you. If you read back kver your messages you come across as a moral superiority and want to meddle in affairs that don't really concern you. Most friends would probably get angry with you for meddling to the extent of reporting this and if it doesn't affect anyone else negatively you aren't really helping anyone.

Reply 68

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Qxi.xli

If you're friends with someone you don't snitch on them after they've trusted you.

Also, you sound extremely judgemental and unhappy about her relationship. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but she deserves a better friend.

I appreciate your comment but please don’t cast judgement when you don’t know the whole story. She’s shared some concerning details about their relationship and I’m just looking for advice to help and see what I can do. You really don’t know all the details as it would be in appropriate to post them here.
I’m quite happy with my life, I’m confident that I’m a good friend. If I was in a dangerous relationship I’d wish my friend would help me

Reply 69

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ageshallnot

Ok my advice is to mind your own business and stop being sanctimonious.

Is there need to state your “advice” and opinions several times after I’ve asked you to stop making hurtful remarks? Just leave if you don’t agree and after you’ve said your peace.

Reply 70

Joleee

19

what do you mean you're worried about your friend and want to help? how would reporting this to the school help your friend? what do you mean you 'want to make sure she's okay'?

Reply 71

Anonymous #5

Don't think you should get involved, it's not really going to affect you.

Reply 72

username3477548

20

Original post by Anonymous

She’s shared some concerning details about their relationship and I’m just looking for advice to help and see what I can do. You really don’t know all the details as it would be in appropriate to post them here.

lmao, as if anyone's buying that.
I believe your original post was about unfair grading not about a "dangerous relationship".

Reply 73

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Bio 7

OP you seem to have an issue with people not agreeing with you. If you read back kver your messages you come across as a moral superiority and want to meddle in affairs that don't really concern you. Most friends would probably get angry with you for meddling to the extent of reporting this and if it doesn't affect anyone else negatively you aren't really helping anyone.

wow that’s a big assumption to make! I don’t have issues with people disagreeing with me. I welcome opposing views as I want to make an informed decision on what’s the best thing to do. I don’t appreciate hurtful comments and opinions. I never asked for opinions I asked for advice. I feel it’s important to call people out when they use I necessary language as they may not realise they were being hurtful. I believe kidness is important as you never know the full story or what the person is going through ☺️ I would never leave a hurtful comment on a strangers cry for advice

Reply 74

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by bones-mccoy

OP, I do think people are being unecessarily harsh. For me, it's not the fact that he's older, or even the fact that he teaches at the same university your friend attends but more so the fact that he'll be marking her work and concerns for her wellbeing.

Idk about you but I'd be pissed if I found out a friend could potentially get a better grade than me just because she's sleeping with her supervisor, and anyone who says they'd be fine with that is a liar. Plus the power dynamic is very unbalanced, things could easily turn nasty and start impacting her wellbeing. God knows how many students this guy has 'dated' before, he could be a serial offender and be waiting for the next young person to manipulate.

Also where's all the posters commenting 'paedo' and 'nonce' you see on every other thread that has a usually younger woman dating a usually older guy? Noticeably quiet :rolleyes:

Thank you for your advice/opinion ☺️

Reply 75

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Qxi.xli

lmao, as if anyone's buying that.
I believe your original post was about unfair grading not about a "dangerous relationship".

You don’t have to believe what I say, you don’t have to post your opinion. It’s the truth but I’m not going to persuade you to believe me. This is my first time posting and I didn’t put all the details I should have in the original post. I also wasn’t going to mention that I think he’s taking advantage of her but I started to get a lot of hate so I wanted to explain my reasoning further

Reply 76

not_0kay

10

Original post by Anonymous

I came on the forum to look for advice because I’m extremely stressed about knowing about their relationship. I personally believe hes taking advantage of her, he’s marking her work and it’s strongly against the rules. I also don’t want to get in trouble for concealing their relationship. I came here for advice not judgement. I’m not a bad friend. I’m concerned about her but I’m also very concerned about the moral implications of their relationship.

Don't listen to these people, you're not a bad friend you're actually a better friend than most for worrying about her being taken advantage of. It's a difficult situation because on one hand you could talk to her about it and try to make her realise that she's being taken advantage of but then risk your friendship. And by the sounds of it you really care about her so we don't want that. But then on the other hand you could anonymously report it and have less of a chance of her finding out but always have the burden of knowing it was you. I think it was irresponsible of her to relay this information to you knowing that what she's doing is wrong, but if she's being groomed or she's in a bad situation she won't be able to see that your concern is actually a good thing. If I was in your situation I would talk to her about it and try to make her see that it's wrong.

Reply 77

Anonymous #6

Sounds like someone has a crush on their lecturer but they aren't hot enough to pull it off 🤭

Reply 78

Anonymous #7

So I'd talk to her about your concerns, check uni policy beforehand. I'd just tell her that if they didn't come clean, I'd have to report it. But you should give her - and him - a chance to do the right thing first. Don't go behind her back.

The rest of your reasoning though - she's an adult, age difference is really irrelevant.