Did I cheat?

Do you have a bf now? If yes, go to him and confess what happened. He'll be the one to decide whether its cheating or not.
Generally Getting raped is not cheating but reading your post it feels like you kindaaaa led him on. So not sure if it can be considered as rape

Hi there and thank you for any help- I’m finding things really hard right now.

a while ago, whilst I was in a relationship (that I’m still in) I let a guy flirt with me and I sort of flirted back. For instance, I let him believe I would move in with him and when he sent me inappropriate images I told him his penis was big, even though I hadn’t looked at it. I did these flirty things because his best friend was very manipulative and told me he would hurt me if I did anything wrong. I knew I had no feelings for him but did it to keep the peace. He told me that because I was saying things like this I was cheating on my boyfriend and I should be ashamed of myself. After this I was r*ped by the guy and he said it was my fault because I led him on.

Was this cheating?

First of all rape is never excusable. You can't be blamed for that, but I would have recognised earlier on that you were getting manipulated into a tight spot. You should have ideally kept a good distance from this person, no texts nothing.

The actual sex situation can't be really cheating if it's rape, but i don't know what led up that moment or if you were messing around before that or getting cosy, because that would have been cheating. The texts are disloyal in my view yes. Some people will argue flirty texts or compliments are not exactly cheating but it's still not ok. Also how come you made him believe you would move in? That's a bit extreme?

Anyway very sorry to hear that that happened to you and hope you are getting support to deal with it...
Ultimately i think you should tell your boyfriend what you can, and get this burden off your chest. It's only fair to him too.

Thanks for the response I really appreciate it.

My boyfriend knows about this and is understanding and doesn’t think I cheated, which I guess is all that matters?

As for the moving in thing, I was planning on moving out with some friends at the time and he suggested I should move in with him, too (before everything happened obviously)

I understand the rape wasn’t my fault, and I have never done anything to suggest I would want anything to happen and always stated I wanted things to be platonic and always said we would just be friends, I think I’m just more worried that my flirtatious messages would be classed as cheating?

Hi there and thank you for any help- I’m finding things really hard right now.

a while ago, whilst I was in a relationship (that I’m still in) I let a guy flirt with me and I sort of flirted back. For instance, I let him believe I would move in with him and when he sent me inappropriate images I told him his penis was big, even though I hadn’t looked at it. I did these flirty things because his best friend was very manipulative and told me he would hurt me if I did anything wrong. I knew I had no feelings for him but did it to keep the peace. He told me that because I was saying things like this I was cheating on my boyfriend and I should be ashamed of myself. After this I was r*ped by the guy and he said it was my fault because I led him on.

Was this cheating?

Did your bf know about the flirtatious messages and still say it wasn't cheating?

Yes you were cheating as you were flirting with and chatting sexually with another guy whilst in a relationship. You were also leading the other guy on since you say you had no interest in him.

However, that doesn’t excuse rape.
It’s not your fault he raped you-that’s on him.

I hope you are getting some support through this.

Yes. My boyfriend saw all the messages as I never initiated anything and responded with something to remind him that we were just friends. As for the times I felt scared to upset him, my boyfriend understood that too.

Thank you for responding.

I have never spoken sexually with him until the one message mentioned above, does this still make it cheating?

Hi there and thank you for any help- I’m finding things really hard right now.

a while ago, whilst I was in a relationship (that I’m still in) I let a guy flirt with me and I sort of flirted back. For instance, I let him believe I would move in with him and when he sent me inappropriate images I told him his penis was big, even though I hadn’t looked at it. I did these flirty things because his best friend was very manipulative and told me he would hurt me if I did anything wrong. I knew I had no feelings for him but did it to keep the peace. He told me that because I was saying things like this I was cheating on my boyfriend and I should be ashamed of myself. After this I was r*ped by the guy and he said it was my fault because I led him on.

Was this cheating?

[b{I told him his penis was big,

Hi there and thank you for any help- I’m finding things really hard right now.

a while ago, whilst I was in a relationship (that I’m still in) I let a guy flirt with me and I sort of flirted back. For instance, I let him believe I would move in with him and when he sent me inappropriate images I told him his penis was big, even though I hadn’t looked at it. I did these flirty things because his best friend was very manipulative and told me he would hurt me if I did anything wrong. I knew I had no feelings for him but did it to keep the peace. He told me that because I was saying things like this I was cheating on my boyfriend and I should be ashamed of myself. After this I was r*ped by the guy and he said it was my fault because I led him on.

Was this cheating?

You should not have subtly dropped that you were raped. You did not cheat but you were raped. Two different things. Go to the feds and have the guy locked up. He could rape another woman and blame it on her.