To end it, or not?

A little dillema..

Im dating a 1st year, and it feels like things have changed, he drinks all the time, when he isnt drinking, he's too tired to talk. I go and visit, or vice versa, and he sleeps the day away regardless, because he says he cannot sleep well when we share a bed.

He never texts,messages or calls me first, am i being petty in wanting to not always be the one to start conversation? Shouldn't i just be happy that im talking to him?

I keep thinking about breaking up with him, but cannot find it in me to finish it. Alright, i admit, i love the bugger to bits, but is it because i am used to being adored, and im only feeling so strong about him because i have to work for it?

For the first time in all my relationships, im working hard to keep things going, but i feel its one sided, Ive tried to confront him about things im unhappy with, but he tends to get extremely defensive when he feels guilty, and tends to spam the word "whatever"

I make him sound like an ass i think, but its the small things that i cant bear to lose, the way he kisses me gently while we watch films alone, how i fall asleep during every single movie we watch late at night

Ahh..he says he'd rather have an imperfect relationship, because it means were working through problems, because no relatioship can ever be perfect.

Reply 1

caroline147

To be honest, if you have to seriously ask yourself this question, you should probably finish with him. He sounds like an arrogant idiot.

Good luck though, finishing with someone is definitely much easier in theory than in practice :smile:

Reply 2

User192499

I think a simple "are you happy with me?" would be a good start. Allow him to make the difficult answer first. If he says no- I'm sorry to hear it, but it'll at least draw some conclusion for you and you can both split knowing how the other feels. If he says yes, perhaps suggest subtley that you've felt like you've been a burden to him lately, that you feel like he doesn't want to see you and were wondering what you'd done wrong.

I know it's a bit belittling for you, but it's definitely worth humbling yourself temporarily and acting as though you're willing to accept that you're "in the wrong". If he's as decent as you say, he'll be more ready to defend you from your supposed self-allegations than he will be to admit that he's the one in the wrong. Human nature I'm afraid, particularly with guys in my experience! (Though that's not definitive and I'm not claiming to understand every male's psyche)

Good luck, anyway. Stay calm and ready to listen to everything he says, and make sure he understands that he's hurting you and making you feel like you've done something wrong. Hopefully he'll be so determined to show you that you've done nothing wrong that he'll soon realise that he IS making you feel bad, and it's not your fault. Hey presto, self-realisation from the arsey boyfriend.

Hope it works out! :smile:

Reply 3