daisym_4
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Hello! I've been in a long distance relationship with my partner for over 5 months now. Prior to this relationship we were really good friends with each other online and always had this some sort of connection. This relationship has been nothing but happiness, laughter and loyalty. We both put 10/10 effort on both sides and want our best to make it work. The problem is, soon he has to leave to the army he doesn't know how much time he'll have with his family let alone to be able to call, text and facetime with me.

We've had discussions about it and the thought of our relationship not working out makes us break in tears, on both parts. We haven't met, nor can meet for at least another 3 years.. And we both want to meet so badly, that the thought of not being able too drives us both insane and sad. We both want it to work out but we're afraid it will effect our mental health and lives too much in the future, we both see a future with the other and want nothing but the best but It's so hard. Any advice from anyone else in the same position as me and him?
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Surnia
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Which country do you each live in?

Why haven't you met up yet and why can't you see each other for the next 3 years?
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daisym_4
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(Original post by Surnia)
Which country do you each live in?

Why haven't you met up yet and why can't you see each other for the next 3 years?
Israel and UK, we havent met up yet due to him starting the army soon and being unable to travel and myself for personal reasons for at least 2 or 1 year
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Surnia
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(Original post by daisym_4)
Israel and UK, we havent met up yet due to him starting the army soon and being unable to travel and myself for personal reasons for at least 2 or 1 year
I'm ex-military and am in an LDR that started with someone who was also in the same service, but British Armed Forces so no experience of the Israeli army. However, I can say from a relationship perspective that you can't fully judge someone that you only know online. It's very different finding out how someone interacts not only with you in person, but those around him; there's a saying that you can learn a lot from how someone treats serving staff in a restaurant.

All you can do is find out as much as possible from him about his training and what his job would involve. Like the British military, communication will be limited during the former, but once he's in his chosen role he should be able to keep in touch and, coronavirus aside, what would be stopping him from taking leave and meeting up. Don't let him make the Army an excuse for not keeping in touch; it's red flags if he starts on about poor comms, too busy, doing something secret, because people manage to maintain families and friends after joining up. However, you also have to decide if you want to wait a few years to even meet someone you barely know, maybe won't get to know much better and have spent that time waiting on a relationship that may never really happen.

Sorry this all sounds negative, but if you both are committed you'll make it work. I just urge caution with someone when it's purely online and not a real-life connection that's had to move online because of circumstances.
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franklyfruity
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Hi there! I am in a long distance relationship myself, so I totally understand your dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nine months, we met on Twitter around a year ago and became good friends. She lives in California and I live in the UK, we’ve never met and don’t plan to as things stand just now.

My thinking is this: if you both want it to work out, you both see a future with each other, and are both fully committed to put in the work to maintain your relationship, I see no reason why you can’t continue to date even when he leaves for the army. It’s that last part that I want to put emphasis on, though. Both parties need to be 100% dedicated to each other and recognise the challenge that such a relationship will bring.

Part of being in an LDR requires a LOT of communication, as you’ll already know. So when your boyfriend has less time to spend talking to you or messaging you, it’s easy to see how it will create a strain on your relationship. You just have to make the time you have together count - even if you’re calling or FaceTiming less frequently, it’s not necessarily the end of the world. I don’t know how often you usually text or call but sometimes a little breathing room can actually be good for couples! And it makes the time you have together even more special - you’ll really cherish your video calls, virtual date nights, etc even more and be extra present in the moment.

Try do something nice for him every once in a while, for example my girlfriend makes me a playlist on Spotify every so often and it always brightens my day. We send each other little virtual gifts or hugs or encouraging reminders through bots on Twitter. This can of course be personalised to your relationship, just send him a thoughtful message or even something physical if that’s an option. And definitely be sure to spend lots of quality time together before he leaves, as you won’t get that back for a while.

As for taking care of your mental health once he’s left, just try not to think about him too much. Find something else to keep yourself busy with, whether that be a hobby, some kind of household chore, exercising, really any kind of activity where you’re forced to think about something else and take your mind away from him for a while. Spend lots of time with your friends if you can, they’ll know how to support you. Don’t spend all day refreshing your messages or staring at your phone, it’ll be really damaging on your mental health. Just remember that your life and your mind come first - it’s tempting to spend all day or even all night waiting for him to message back (timezones are the bane of my existence) but it will do you no favours in the long run.

Overall, as long as you both understand the commitment you’re undertaking and how this change will affect your relationship, go forth and be happy! I wish you guys all the best
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daisym_4
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(Original post by Surnia)
I'm ex-military and am in an LDR that started with someone who was also in the same service, but British Armed Forces so no experience of the Israeli army. However, I can say from a relationship perspective that you can't fully judge someone that you only know online. It's very different finding out how someone interacts not only with you in person, but those around him; there's a saying that you can learn a lot from how someone treats serving staff in a restaurant.

All you can do is find out as much as possible from him about his training and what his job would involve. Like the British military, communication will be limited during the former, but once he's in his chosen role he should be able to keep in touch and, coronavirus aside, what would be stopping him from taking leave and meeting up. Don't let him make the Army an excuse for not keeping in touch; it's red flags if he starts on about poor comms, too busy, doing something secret, because people manage to maintain families and friends after joining up. However, you also have to decide if you want to wait a few years to even meet someone you barely know, maybe won't get to know much better and have spent that time waiting on a relationship that may never really happen.

Sorry this all sounds negative, but if you both are committed you'll make it work. I just urge caution with someone when it's purely online and not a real-life connection that's had to move online because of circumstances.
By all means this is what I wanted when I put this post up. I completely agree with you and I appreciate the advice you gave me, we've wanted to meet up for a while for the first time but in Israel, and the Israeli Army due to mandatory service he has to complete, they're very strict on leaving the country prior to his service and during. From what I've researched myself and been told since he is leaving to the army and starting his service in October, he's unable to leave the country or travel anywhere beforehand as it could be seen as trying to avoid his mandatory service within the army. I'm pretty sure he cannot travel during it either, if this is wrong however please correct me that's just based on my own research.
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daisym_4
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(Original post by franklyfruity)
Hi there! I am in a long distance relationship myself, so I totally understand your dilemma. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nine months, we met on Twitter around a year ago and became good friends. She lives in California and I live in the UK, we’ve never met and don’t plan to as things stand just now.

My thinking is this: if you both want it to work out, you both see a future with each other, and are both fully committed to put in the work to maintain your relationship, I see no reason why you can’t continue to date even when he leaves for the army. It’s that last part that I want to put emphasis on, though. Both parties need to be 100% dedicated to each other and recognise the challenge that such a relationship will bring.

Part of being in an LDR requires a LOT of communication, as you’ll already know. So when your boyfriend has less time to spend talking to you or messaging you, it’s easy to see how it will create a strain on your relationship. You just have to make the time you have together count - even if you’re calling or FaceTiming less frequently, it’s not necessarily the end of the world. I don’t know how often you usually text or call but sometimes a little breathing room can actually be good for couples! And it makes the time you have together even more special - you’ll really cherish your video calls, virtual date nights, etc even more and be extra present in the moment.

Try do something nice for him every once in a while, for example my girlfriend makes me a playlist on Spotify every so often and it always brightens my day. We send each other little virtual gifts or hugs or encouraging reminders through bots on Twitter. This can of course be personalised to your relationship, just send him a thoughtful message or even something physical if that’s an option. And definitely be sure to spend lots of quality time together before he leaves, as you won’t get that back for a while.

As for taking care of your mental health once he’s left, just try not to think about him too much. Find something else to keep yourself busy with, whether that be a hobby, some kind of household chore, exercising, really any kind of activity where you’re forced to think about something else and take your mind away from him for a while. Spend lots of time with your friends if you can, they’ll know how to support you. Don’t spend all day refreshing your messages or staring at your phone, it’ll be really damaging on your mental health. Just remember that your life and your mind come first - it’s tempting to spend all day or even all night waiting for him to message back (timezones are the bane of my existence) but it will do you no favours in the long run.

Overall, as long as you both understand the commitment you’re undertaking and how this change will affect your relationship, go forth and be happy! I wish you guys all the best
Hey! Thank you so much for reaching out, firstly I hope your relationship also goes well for you! I appreciate the words you've gave me too it has helped a lot. I think we are both on the same page of continuing our LDR after he goes to the army, we just are both scared to see how it will affect our relationship as we haven't actually faced a challenge that hard so far. We both want it to work out, I just know how hard it will be to do so as so does he as it is hard to just be in a LDR let alone a LDR with military. We've spoken about how it will be when he eventually goes to the Army in October and we will speak about it more when that time arrives, trying to work out times to facetime, chat and keep in contact. I just don't want this to divide our relationship without as much communication as we do now as that is very important in a LDR.
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