My boyfriend has no job and no work ethic

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Anonymous #1
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Am I in my rights to be put off? We’ve been together almost 3 years, when I first met him he wasn’t like this, or he never gave me the impression he was, but over time I’ve seen his true colours But he blames me, tells me i’ve changed, i’ve become career driven, i should slow up, and i’m snotty and he doesn’t know who i am anymore Aside from money (he is very financially stable, that is why he doesn’t work), I just don’t find it attractive, is this normal?
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Anonymous #2
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I think you are right to be put off
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Am I in my rights to be put off? We’ve been together almost 3 years, when I first met him he wasn’t like this, or he never gave me the impression he was, but over time I’ve seen his true colours But he blames me, tells me i’ve changed, i’ve become career driven, i should slow up, and i’m snotty and he doesn’t know who i am anymore Aside from money (he is very financially stable, that is why he doesn’t work), I just don’t find it attractive, is this normal?
Time to call it a day
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Napp
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Ah money is always a great thing for couples :rolleys: Youre probably both to blame here. Suffice it to say being unemployed can be a hard time for people, especially men, when society views them as the breadwinners..
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Am I in my rights to be put off? We’ve been together almost 3 years, when I first met him he wasn’t like this, or he never gave me the impression he was, but over time I’ve seen his true colours But he blames me, tells me i’ve changed, i’ve become career driven, i should slow up, and i’m snotty and he doesn’t know who i am anymore Aside from money (he is very financially stable, that is why he doesn’t work), I just don’t find it attractive, is this normal?
Your moving onto a different stage in your life and to put it simply he’s not wanting that for you. He wants you to put down everything and be exactly where he wants you to be. But he has money to not work and sit and do nothing, whereas you probably don’t and have to work for it, which is totally normal and fine. However you not finding it attractive is also okay, because when you come home from work and you look at your partner especially now, where you are becoming more career driven and you look at them doing nothing while your out striving for goals can be unpleasant. Because you want to be on the same playing field mentally with your partner you want them to be passionate and dedicated who doesn’t!
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Am I in my rights to be put off? We’ve been together almost 3 years, when I first met him he wasn’t like this, or he never gave me the impression he was, but over time I’ve seen his true colours But he blames me, tells me i’ve changed, i’ve become career driven, i should slow up, and i’m snotty and he doesn’t know who i am anymore Aside from money (he is very financially stable, that is why he doesn’t work), I just don’t find it attractive, is this normal?
How can he be very financially stable apart from money?

Do you mean that he spends very little and is able to live off dole money?

Or does he have investments - like a street of houses that he rents out to give him financial stability?

If he is effectively retired because he has sufficient assets or investments that he doesn't need to work, then stick with him and join his dropped out of the ratrace lifestyle.

If he has a minimal amount of net assets and is just living off the dole and possibly sponging off you or his relatives then dump him - unless his mummy or daddy are multi-millionaires.
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Surnia
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Is his financial stability sustainable? What does he do with all his free time? Just because you don't have to work doesn't mean you shouldnt; what does he do with all his free time? If your satisfaction comes from working and interacting with other people he should respect that, and there is nothing wrong with you being financially independent in case it all goes pear-shaped with him; don't rely on someone else for support.

Finances are one of the biggest causes of friction in a relationship. You need to talk to him and find out why he is behaving like this with you. Also, have you discussed your arrangements about who pays for and who is responsible for what if you have made/are making plans to live together; rent/mortgage, utilities, food, who shops, cooks, cleans etc?
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harrysbar
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#8
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He sounds unsuitable for you and I agree it's unattractive to have a partner with no work ethic
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ANM775
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Am I in my rights to be put off? We’ve been together almost 3 years, when I first met him he wasn’t like this, or he never gave me the impression he was, but over time I’ve seen his true colours But he blames me, tells me i’ve changed, i’ve become career driven, i should slow up, and i’m snotty and he doesn’t know who i am anymore Aside from money (he is very financially stable, that is why he doesn’t work), I just don’t find it attractive, is this normal?
if he is financially stable why does he need to work?

working is something you do to get money. If he has money why does he need to work??
it's like telling a man with a full belly full that he needs to eat dinner. yeah everyone else is doing it. but mans got a full belly already.., so is there really any point?
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Reality Check
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(Original post by ANM775)
working is something you do to get money.
Not at all. Some people work because it defines them, or because their work is so absorbing and fascinating that they wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I wouldn't stop working, even if won the Euro Millions, and I know loads of people with a similar attitude.

If you're on the tills in Tesco, then maybe working 'is something you do for money'. But that doesn't apply to everyone.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Reality Check)
Not at all. Some people work because it defines them, or because their work is so absorbing and fascinating that they wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I wouldn't stop working, even if won the Euro Millions, and I know loads of people with a similar attitude.

If you're on the tills in Tesco, then maybe working 'is something you do for money'. But that doesn't apply to everyone.
would you still be working if you were "very financially stable" and disliked your job?


think of a job you dislike.
would you do it if you were "very financially stable"?
because it sounds to me like the bf probably doesn't enjoying working....

It's good that you enjoy your job but I've met plenty of people who hate their job.......
and ngl, every job i've had except the current one ..i've disliked or hated........, so you would not catch me turning up to a job I disliked each day if I was "very financially stable"
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Reality Check
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(Original post by ANM775)
would you still be working if you were "very financially stable" and disliked your job?


think of a job you dislike.
would you do it if you were "very financially stable"?
because it sounds to me like the bf probably doesn't enjoying working....

It's good that you enjoy your job but I've met plenty of people who hate their job.......
and ngl, every job i've had except the current one ..i've disliked or hated........, so you would not catch me turning up to a job I disliked each day if I was "very financially stable"
This isn't what you originally said: we weren't talking about people who disliked their jobs. You said this:

(Original post by ANM775)
if he is financially stable why does he need to work?

working is something you do to get money
My point is plenty of people choose to work for reasons other than money, and financial stability doesn't necessarily mean that someone would choose not to work. I'm very 'financially stable', but I wouldn't dream of giving up working.

If you want to instead talk about people who are financially stable and hate their job, well obviously they're going to give it up. But the OP's partner isn't in this position - he just sounds like he has no direction or motivation to do anything.
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Theloniouss
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How is he "very financially stable" with no job? That seems impossible.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Reality Check)
This isn't what you originally said: we weren't talking about people who disliked their jobs. You said this:


My point is plenty of people choose to work for reasons other than money, and financial stability doesn't necessarily mean that someone would choose not to work. I'm very 'financially stable', but I wouldn't dream of giving up working.

If you want to instead talk about people who are financially stable and hate their job, well obviously they're going to give it up. But the OP's partner isn't in this position - he just sounds like he has no direction or motivation to do anything.
It sounds like OP's partner does not enjoy working.

If people enjoy something they generally gravitate towards it.

If people enjoy partying, they generally take up invites when offered and are keen to attend.
If people enjoy playing video games, they generally have a game console and want to play games

If people enjoy working, they generally want to be in work.
This guy clearly doesn't want to be in work...
which implies to me that there is a decent chance he doesn't enjoy working.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
How is he "very financially stable" with no job? That seems impossible.
You can come from from a family who have the assets and patience to look after you for ever - trust funds, properties, portfolios etc. And when you think about it, these things tend to be more stable than most jobs.
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Final Fantasy
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Can you please explain how your partner is financially stable? What does he do exactly and how much money we talking? Thanks.
Last edited by Final Fantasy; 2 months ago
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Theloniouss
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(Original post by StriderHort)
You can come from from a family who have the assets and patience to look after you for ever - trust funds, properties, portfolios etc. And when you think about it, these things tend to be more stable than most jobs.
I suppose. I don't think relying on your parents really counts as financial stability though.
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Anonymous #5
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Sounds like he's trying to bring you down with him and keep you there
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Reality Check
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(Original post by ANM775)
It sounds like OP's partner does not enjoy working.

If people enjoy something they generally gravitate towards it.

If people enjoy partying, they generally take up invites when offered and are keen to attend.
If people enjoy playing video games, they generally have a game console and want to play games

If people enjoy working, they generally want to be in work.
This guy clearly doesn't want to be in work...
which implies to me that there is a decent chance he doesn't enjoy working.
I don't really see why 'enjoyment' is relevant here. Life isn't some big party - most of life is spent doing things you don't particularly want to. That's what differentiates adults and children. If this person is financially stable, then he has free reign to do anything job-wise, and isn't tied to having to do some drudgery just to pay the bills. But, despite that freedom, he still choses to do nothing. That doesn't speak to me of an issue with 'enjoyment': it speaks of a total lack of any sort of gumption or drive. A layabout, essentially - but at least not a drain on the public purse.

Where this money is all coming from is another question.
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username4144852
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Sounds like you’ve outgrown him, time to get a partner with similar values that align to yours
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