Parents divorcing when I am 16, anybody relate?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hi. I don't really know how to start. I don't know if I am wanting advice, I just want someone to relate to my situation I suppose. I am just really struggling at the moment.

Basically, I was told back in February that my parents would be divorcing, I always knew it would happen eventually because I never imagined them being together once I moved out anyways, their relationship isn't healthy. My Mum is miserable in it and my Dad is a selfish and immature idiot to be blunt. (I'm 16 now btw) So my Mum told me in February but its now almost 6 months later and my Dad still doesn't know that I know about it and apparently he is refusing to formally tell me and my brother that my parents are divorcing so my brother still has no clue. He plans to take half of all our assets and then find a flat or house then tell us (whichif my Mum hadn't told me would be very stressful for me as its a lot of change at once with no warning, and I can assure you it will come as a shock to my brother). Which is especially frustrating because I would like to be openly part of the discussion instead of just knowing but having to keep it hush even in the house.

I am supportive of my Mums decision to leave him btw. She deserves the world and I could see for years that he treated her (and me tbh) like crap. He can be manipulative, he lies, he is never there, never helped my mum with raising us or around the house and overall I am not close to him at all.

It has now been almost half a year and he still has no plans to leave, the awkwardness in the house is awful and I just want him to leave, of course I love him as a Dad but if he was any other person I would have nothing to do with him, and I think everyone in my house will be so much happier in the end.

Anyways, I have found out that he is now demanding 50/50 care of me and my younger brother (age 12) even though he hasn't raised us or done anything for us really our whole life. My Mum was basically a single mother whilst living under the same roof as my Dad, and some of the stories she tells me about when me and my brother were both young and he would leave her alone whilst he went out for drinks with his friends and stuff absolutely breaks my heart. So for him to have the audacity to think he deserve our company for half a week is outrageous, he is utterly deluded if he thinks that is a fair representation of how significant he is in our lives. Tbh I think he is just saying this as well so he doesn't have to pay my Mum any money to care for us.

Besides the fact that me and my Dad get along terribly and I would dread to spend 3 or 4 days a week with him as my only carer, I can't bare the thought of living split between two homes, half my belongings, clothes, life and time torn between two places sounds very distressing for everyone in our family.

I think the ideal would have been (if my Dad wasn't so stubborn) for him to have moved out into a rented property months ago so we could trial how life would look after divorce rather than him staying and making demands that just can't be met. He essentially won't leave without his money and his terms and conditions. (Ps. my Mum created this life for us, most of our house was paid for by her life savings or by her mother's assistance) My Dad contributed barely anything and wants to walk away with exactly half of everything we own, which also stresses me out because there is no way we can afford that as a family. To keep our family home my Mum will need to buy him out which could end up impossible. Idk I could go on and on, there are just so many factors to worry about.

In addition to the 50/50 issue, even though I know I am 16 and can make up my own mind about where I spend my time, my younger brother can be legally written down to be split custody and I would feel awful letting him go to my Dad's alone when he clearly wouldn't like to be there either.

Sorry, this is such a random rant and a lot of stuff is all over the place and a big mess, but I suppose that is just how I am feeling at the moment. Can anyone relate to parents divorcing this late in your "childhood" and what was it like for you??
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi. I don't really know how to start. I don't know if I am wanting advice, I just want someone to relate to my situation I suppose. I am just really struggling at the moment.

Basically, I was told back in February that my parents would be divorcing, I always knew it would happen eventually because I never imagined them being together once I moved out anyways, their relationship isn't healthy. My Mum is miserable in it and my Dad is a selfish and immature idiot to be blunt. (I'm 16 now btw) So my Mum told me in February but its now almost 6 months later and my Dad still doesn't know that I know about it and apparently he is refusing to formally tell me and my brother that my parents are divorcing so my brother still has no clue. He plans to take half of all our assets and then find a flat or house then tell us (whichif my Mum hadn't told me would be very stressful for me as its a lot of change at once with no warning, and I can assure you it will come as a shock to my brother). Which is especially frustrating because I would like to be openly part of the discussion instead of just knowing but having to keep it hush even in the house.

I am supportive of my Mums decision to leave him btw. She deserves the world and I could see for years that he treated her (and me tbh) like crap. He can be manipulative, he lies, he is never there, never helped my mum with raising us or around the house and overall I am not close to him at all.

It has now been almost half a year and he still has no plans to leave, the awkwardness in the house is awful and I just want him to leave, of course I love him as a Dad but if he was any other person I would have nothing to do with him, and I think everyone in my house will be so much happier in the end.

Anyways, I have found out that he is now demanding 50/50 care of me and my younger brother (age 12) even though he hasn't raised us or done anything for us really our whole life. My Mum was basically a single mother whilst living under the same roof as my Dad, and some of the stories she tells me about when me and my brother were both young and he would leave her alone whilst he went out for drinks with his friends and stuff absolutely breaks my heart. So for him to have the audacity to think he deserve our company for half a week is outrageous, he is utterly deluded if he thinks that is a fair representation of how significant he is in our lives. Tbh I think he is just saying this as well so he doesn't have to pay my Mum any money to care for us.

Besides the fact that me and my Dad get along terribly and I would dread to spend 3 or 4 days a week with him as my only carer, I can't bare the thought of living split between two homes, half my belongings, clothes, life and time torn between two places sounds very distressing for everyone in our family.

I think the ideal would have been (if my Dad wasn't so stubborn) for him to have moved out into a rented property months ago so we could trial how life would look after divorce rather than him staying and making demands that just can't be met. He essentially won't leave without his money and his terms and conditions. (Ps. my Mum created this life for us, most of our house was paid for by her life savings or by her mother's assistance) My Dad contributed barely anything and wants to walk away with exactly half of everything we own, which also stresses me out because there is no way we can afford that as a family. To keep our family home my Mum will need to buy him out which could end up impossible. Idk I could go on and on, there are just so many factors to worry about.

In addition to the 50/50 issue, even though I know I am 16 and can make up my own mind about where I spend my time, my younger brother can be legally written down to be split custody and I would feel awful letting him go to my Dad's alone when he clearly wouldn't like to be there either.

Sorry, this is such a random rant and a lot of stuff is all over the place and a big mess, but I suppose that is just how I am feeling at the moment. Can anyone relate to parents divorcing this late in your "childhood" and what was it like for you??
Same here, but I was 12. Seen the whole pain, the whole drama. However due to financial problems, my mum would collapse if she took control, of work, 3 kids to school, rent, shopping.. etc she suffers a horrible back issue and had several surgeries. My dad came back (still divorced) just to help us. I wouldn’t manage GCSE’s if they didn’t got together to help us out. I suffered a lot, even my father was horrible, I always stayed close to him.. well.. I guess that’s the problem.. having a big heart to one and that one smashes it up for everyone..
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Same here, but I was 12. Seen the whole pain, the whole drama. However due to financial problems, my mum would collapse if she took control, of work, 3 kids to school, rent, shopping.. etc she suffers a horrible back issue and had several surgeries. My dad came back (still divorced) just to help us. I wouldn’t manage GCSE’s if they didn’t got together to help us out. I suffered a lot, even my father was horrible, I always stayed close to him.. well.. I guess that’s the problem.. having a big heart to one and that one smashes it up for everyone..
Hi! Thanks for replying. It is one of my worries that we will end up not being financially stable. We can't afford to buy him out of the house AND pay him for half of all our homes furnishings, which is what he is expecting. I am scared to think of the financial damage that will cause us and tbh that could possibly lead to him never leaving just due to the financial side. But in my situation I think it would be best for everyone if he did leave as soon as possible. Its an awful atmosphere (always has been mind you) and I just want to move on without strict rules like 50/50 custody and so on.

What is the situation like currently for you? Is your father still with you at the moment? Was it awkward at all, living in the same home again?
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi! Thanks for replying. It is one of my worries that we will end up not being financially stable. We can't afford to buy him out of the house AND pay him for half of all our homes furnishings, which is what he is expecting. I am scared to think of the financial damage that will cause us and tbh that could possibly lead to him never leaving just due to the financial side. But in my situation I think it would be best for everyone if he did leave as soon as possible. Its an awful atmosphere (always has been mind you) and I just want to move on without strict rules like 50/50 custody and so on.

What is the situation like currently for you? Is your father still with you at the moment? Was it awkward at all, living in the same home again?
Yeah, no worries!
If the atmosphere is always awful, definitely the decision to leave is best. As it will create more destructive problems and can eventually lead you mentally and physical health problems. In this generation now.. yourself is your 1st priority, to maintain, to create on a new way of living.
Anyways.. my situation is currently stable, the COVID-19 pandemic really helped my father, (my father is a gambler spends ridiculous money on machines and casinos, on top a record of parking ticket fines) but due to the lockdown and everything, he’s getting his sense back. And actually he always acted like it was never awkward [a typical gambler.. always smiles when comes back home, even he well spent on a casino and girls] anyways.. we just had to put all that in the past now... we have this horrible pandemic and financial crisis to worry about
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Anonymous #3
#5
Report 1 month ago
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hey im here just to give life tips

one thing I would say it focus on your education and start gaining knowledge of important things around you. Since you are 16, and in a split stage, independence is really important. start from the basics, try hard in school, know your worth, boost your self esteem, take good care of yourself, know your morals and values. Building this foundation for yourself will build your independence from there then you will know what the best option would be for you and maybe also try teaching your brother some. Its very important that you stay strong for your brother. Just know that many people go through these hard times and despite the feeling you feel, it will get better soon.
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